#1195 June 30, 2008 New York Avenue Metro

Hares: Semen On The Pew, Taster’s Choice, Second Cumming, Meat Lover
Virgins: Just Max, Just Leanna, Just Corigan
Visitors: Nobody likes us, so they didn’t visit.
Brew Crew: Please Step Away From The Whores, Easy Like Sunday Morning
Beer Bitch: Just Jim
Analversaries: We didn’t identify any of those.
Long Time No Seers: Hair Pie, Test Tube Baby, Dick Chair, Tapped Three Times, Looney, Any Cock’ll Do
OnOnOn: Pap and Petey’s

Let me begin by saying that the start location for this trail was unique. We started in front of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives. Apparently, the best way to avoid detection by The Man is to hide out on his front doorstep. However, that did put a bit of a damper on the pre-circle drinking. That is, if “a bit of a damper” means something akin to “no way in hell”. But I digress. Given the location, we all expected a special Semen On The Pew ghetto hash. We were not disappointed. Ghetto we wanted, and police presence we got. That’s right. We were in just the right kind of neighborhood for the walker’s hare to admit that it wasn’t safe to be there. You can either imagine how that turned out, or you can forgo your imagination altogether and read about it in the violations. I’m serious when I tell you that recovery from a hamstring injury wasn’t the reason I wanted to start running on this trail. We enjoyed a creative trail through the ‘hood, and even found a few friendly civilians to talk to during the beer check. Unfortunately, A Salt My Ass and Gaystation struck out with the female civilians in the group. Better luck next time, fellas! On on to violations.

Violations:
Just Max: Brought a brand new pair of r*nning shoes so he and No Child Left Behind could share a drink from them.
Second Cumming: Admitted out loud that the neighborhood through which we were walking was not safe. That sounded an awful lot like safety third to me.
Hares: Ran the pack through someone’s bedroom. Never mind that it was under a bridge, it looked like private property.
No Child Left Behind: As soon as Just Jim was nominated as beer bitch, she noted that he was too old for her.
A Salt My Ass & Gaystation: Attempted child molestation on trail when they were hitting on the two underage girls they met at the beer check.
Leggs Over Easy: Expressed a preference on trail for hard lickers. Maybe that was liquors. Who knows?
No Child Left Behind & Just Corigan: Plan to attend an excellence in hashing seminar, also called an alcoholism research conference.
Obeastiologist: Moments after Titly Winks carried her dog up the hill, he decided to ride his dog up.
Blow Jack: Having phone sex with Motormouth’s mom on trail.
Gaystation: Overheard on trail saying “my ass only hurt a little bit in the morning.”
Hares: Semen On The Pew was envious of the Verne Troyer sex tape, and decided to hare with Mini-Me.

Hash Shit:
The Hash Shit was present with Motormouth, who earned it with a trip to the drunk tank. Our fearful RA, Cock A Doodle Do Me almost stopped the nomination process because she was afraid of the rain that had begun to fall. Snap Crackle Poop insisted upon making one nomination. However, after he stuttered for what seemed like an eternity, Gay Guy Counter explained that Strange Ground Chuck solicited Snap Crackle Poop for sex and money. After being refused ass and cash from him, Strange Ground Chuck decided to try his luck with making that request of Gay Guy Counter. As it turns out, that was just enough information to get him awarded the Hash Shit. Go figure.

Then, it was on on to Pap and Petey’s, where we enjoyed food, beer, and live music. It was a nice place, and despite a bit less staff than we are used to, they served us well. Speaking of short-staffed, that’s usually bad news for all involved. I hear that our harriettes don’t care much for it.

On On,
Gay Guy Counter