#1192 June 9, 2008 Pentagon City

Hares: Kielbastard, Bad Ditch, Oregon Grinder, Have Dick Will Travel
Virgins: Just Kuspa, Just Steve, Just Julie
Visitors: Nappy Headed Ho – Hsinchu Taiwan, Cum Is Kosher – Boston, Texas Instrument - Frankfurt
Brew Crew: Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Marco Homo
Beer Bitch: Just Lauren
Analversaries: Meat Lover – 25, Follow The Bleeder – 100, Bad Ditch – 269
Long Time No Seers: Social – I lost count of how many of you haven’t hashed in months. Really, stay in touch, will you?
OnOnOn: Sine (the bar, not the trig function)

Where should I start to tell you about this? First, we arrived to the start location to see an Arlington City Police officer waiting in the parking lot. We didn’t know if they’d read Every Day is Wednesday’s trash or Motormouth’s rant, but we were pretty sure they were interested in our party for one reason or another. As it turns out, we are just paranoid, because he left just in time for the opening circle. As it turns out, discretion kept us all sober as we circled and started onto the trail. So, sober and sullen, we all left the start with youthful enthusiasm that our sobriety would soon fall victim to the beer check. There was a bit of an incident on trail when the hares tried to murder Slip Knot. Fortunately, the Arlington City Fire Department came to the rescue, and Slip Knot is fine. He is, however, studying Kenpo, Kung Fu, Karate, and Mandarin Chinese in preparation for vengeance. After the pack endured record high temperatures during the trail, we reconvened to discuss all the stupidity on trail. Shots were fired at the end circle, but Gay Guy Counter managed to get out alive. Thank God for that. There was plenty of stupidity to discuss, and some of it is recorded here. On on to violations.

Violations:
Hares: Tried to kill Slip Knot on trail. Safety Third!
Wooly Mammaries: Arrived to start on his motorcycle with Bob Loblaw riding bitch. Seriously, can’t you do any better than that?
Follow The Bleeder: Ran his 100th WH4 trail in 100 degree weather. Safety Third!
Mammorex: Has over 100 runs with WH4, and has never hared a trail. Please, contribute something more than your five dollars per week.
Have Dick Will Travel: He’s a long time hasher and hare who apparently had no idea how “Father Abraham” goes.
Gay Guy Counter: Littering on trail immediately after passing a trash can. That’s a good reason to bring your own mug, boys and girls. You won’t be made fun of for improper disposal of a paper cup.
Meat Lover: This was the second trail she’s run where an ambulance was needed. Safety Third!
Duck Duck Bush: Wanted to be cool like Po Po Disco, and got Pint Of Guinness Stout to pee on him.
Taster’s Choice: Trying to impress kindergarten teachers with his fancy chalk holder.
Spinal Tap: Had to take out Slip Knot to ensure his win on the walker trail.
Motormouth: Abuse of the UPS slogan, which will soon be “no package too small.”
Jackoff Lantern: Suntanning accident.
Gay Guy Counter: Writing violations while Slip Knot was being attended to by paramedics. Somebody had to violate the hares.

During the beer check, we threatened to name our beer bitch, Just Lauren. At the end circle, we discussed the merits of getting to the bar before the kitchen closed, and decided that was more important than a naming. However, your scribe did get a little dirt for you. So, read up, and see what clever suggestions you can come up with for the next time you see her.

Just Lauren had to ask which first time I was inquiring about because she had her first lesbian experience at 13 years old with her friend Samantha. She was unable to remember if that happened in the woods or not, but seemed to think it was a good time.

Just Lauren had her other first time with a 22 year old man when she was 16 years old. She lied to her parents, explaining that he was 19 and in college. He was neither. Apparently, the experience was awful, and “icky.”

Just Lauren prefers her men and women intellectually challenging (not challenged; challenging), and believes that arguments are valid foreplay.

Just Lauren has had a few girlfriends, but was charmed by Lumber Jackoff when he crashed her Christmas party, and sang her a dirty song that instructed his audience to “bugger off.” Apparently, Lumber Jackoff’s mother has ESP, though, because she calls every time Just Lauren gets naked, including 2 phone calls the first time they had sex. His sister even called once that time.

Just Lauren has had sex under a pier in daylight, but was interrupted before getting a chance to have sex in a rowboat.

Her favorite movies are The Princess Bride and Airplane. She enjoys cooking, reading, and hot yoga, but loves few things more than Boggle.

Considering that she is a self-proclaimed “word nerd” it’s important that we get her a really clever name. DID YOU HEAR ME? NO PHONING IT IN THIS TIME!!!

By the way, she also psychoanalyzed Wookin’ Pa Nub at a hash. We need to know a little more about that.

The Hash Shit was busy getting Slip Knot discharged from the hospital, so we all went to the bar, where they were happy to give us food and drink for cash or credit. Sine set aside a special area for us so we wouldn't bother the locals. Sorry if you missed it. We made sure your mom got home safely.

On On,
Gay Guy Counter