#1188 May 18, 2008 Manor Park – Like Fort Totten, but further away

Hares: Semen On The Pew, Jefe Lengua, Poop Weiner, Quarter Pounder
Virgins: Just Matt, Just Mark (Stand in virgins)
Visitors: Just Carlton, I Like Your Boobs
Brew Crew: Runs With Bulls, Please Step Away From The Whores
Beer Bitch: I Like Your Boobs
Analversaries: Tooth Fairy (finally got his 100 run mug), Dos Cum A Lot (ran about 75 hashes before getting his 25 run mug)
Long Time No Seers: A serious social event between Motormouth, Jerry Ass Trick, Lefty Loosey Rightey Tightey, Wookin Pa Nub, Poop Weiner, Semen On The Pew, and others
OnOnOn: Moroni & Brother’s Pizza

So in the past few months, we’ve seen East Bumf*ck and West Bumf*ck. But this time, we visited Central Bumf*ck, which is also known as Fort Totten. I can’t say a whole lot about the runner’s trail, because I wasn’t on it. However, the walker’s trail was a pleasant little jaunt through DC. There was no shiggy. It didn’t rain. Thank the Lord God Almighty for that, because the RA didn’t help. She waited until the rain was certainly gone before showing up. Yeah. No help at all. And, the RA didn’t keep the rain from falling on the hares when they were laying trail, either. That’s right. Our RA’s are falling down on the job. WE DEMAND GOOD WEATHER!!! This will not be tolerated any longer. The RAs should remain on notice that weather is their responsibility and their sobriety depends upon it. We’ve got down downs ready for you. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.

We didn’t have any real virgins this week. This is a problem at the hash. Let’s start improving our recruiting, shall we? So, we recruited a couple of temporary stand-in virgins. We were also a little short on visitors, so we recruited stand-ins for those, too. We chose Just Carlton who used to be called Motormouth, and I Like Your Boobs who transplanted from Pike’s Peak a couple weeks ago. After all that, there was wanker stupidity aplenty. Here’s the scoop!

Violations:
Dyke Tyson: Decided to FRB the walker trail. Little did she know that when she turned around, she was within sight of I’d Tap That.
Knee Deep Pussy High, Bob Loblaw, Silver Spooge, Slurpee, Tooth Fairy: Race-ism. All ran the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon.
Dyke Tyson, Put It Out, & Motormouth: Did a bad impression of the shocker. Two of them were in the pink, and one was in the stink.
Semen On The Pew: Hash abandonment. Waited until 4:30 last Sunday to tell Second Cumming that he wasn’t going to take him to the hash.
Bob Loblaw: Indicated his new favorite sexual position by wearing a cowboy hat to the hash. Apparently, Underground Railroad likes the rodeo f*ck, too.
Spinal Tap: We all know that old people like yard sales, but selling 6v batteries at the hash is crazy.
A Salt My Ass: Racing Irritable Bow Wow Syndrome into the on-in.
Cock A Doodle Do Me: It rained last week. And, she was hesitant to come to the hash until she was sure it wouldn’t be rainy this week.
Bob Loblaw & Knee Deep Pussy High: Knee Deep pointed at Bob Loblaw during the beer check and said “that’s it. That’s the whole thing.” Sorry about that.
Tooth Fairy: Premeditating a down down by wearing a race-ist shirt to the hash.
Jefe Lengua: Managed to lose his mug, and it found its way back from Georgia to DC.
Semen On The Pew: Lost his cell phone on trail.

Snap Crackle Poop brought the Hash Shit with him. He was accused of extortion, and wanted to find another wanker to keep the Hash Shit for a week or so. Here are the nominations:

Please Step Away From The Whores: Attended Gimme An Ohhh’s birthday party, and blew a tire on the way home. He passed out while trying to change the tire, and only awoke in the pouring rain when the sun came back up.
Poop Weiner: Called Queerly I’m Straight “dead sexy” on trail.
Slurpee: Encouraged the hashers on the walker’s trail with a nonverbal offer of oral sex. Ever seen a bunch of walkers start running? Yeah, I have.

And the winner is…Please Step Away From The Whores

Then, it was intimated to us that Tooth Fairy lost is 100 run mug within a minute of receiving it. So, we gave him the hash shit.

Later, we decided to discuss naming Just Carlton. It turns out that Just Carlton was trying to sleep with Chlorine Will Kill Everything at Stinko De Mayo, even after she explained that she was celibate. He arrived on Friday night to the WH4 camping trip last year with a girlfriend, and awoke Saturday morning without a girlfriend or a clue about why he was sleeping alone. He is also dark complected, and likes to please the ladies. So, we recommended the following names:

I’d Rather Not
I Only Look Black
Don’t Sit On Brown Snow

But we named him What Can Brown Do For You?

After that, we tried to name What Can Brown Do For You’s friend Just Kevin

Just Kevin once got slapped by a girl over another girl, without having slept with either of them. He has also been called Gay Guy on occasion, and happens to race his car. So we suggested names like…

Bitch Slap And No Tickle
Steve McCream
Steam My Cream

And we named him Blacker Than Carlton

After that, it was ononon to Moroni Brother’s Pizza. That was a good time. You should have been there. Your mom said hi.

On On,
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