#1187 Mother’s Day, May 11, 2008 Shirlington

Hares: Obeastiologist, Titly Winks, It’s Butt Fucking Time, Chewbacca
Virgins: Just Megan, Just Victoria
Visitors: Wetback Mount Him and some other wanker whose name I didn’t get
Brew Crew: Hot Lunch, And How’s Her Bush
Beer Bitch: Just Tony
Analversaries: None.
Long Time No Seers: It’s Buttfucking Time, Chewbacca, Wetback Mount Him, Jerry Ass Trick, Lefty Loosey Righty Tightey
OnOnOn: Bungalow Billiards

Ahh, mom. We all love our moms. I love your moms. I’m not just saying that. I mean it. I love your mom. In fact, I loved your mom just a few minutes ago. She says hi, and reminds you that it’s bed time. I’d do what she says if I were you. Seriously, that woman can be harsh about punishment. But you already knew that, I guess. I found out the hard way. But I do love your mom.
Anyway, that’s enough about your mom. What about that trail! The first thing I can say is that our Religious Advisers failed us miserably. We don’t ask for much. Aside from some quiet time with your mom, we only ask for about 3 hours of nice weather each week. And, we put not one, but TWO people in charge of the job. I see how well that worked. They conspired to make it cold AND rainy. And the hares wept in public when they saw that the rain had washed their beautiful trail into oblivion. Yep, we would like to have followed marks. Alas, there were none left to follow. And we were cold. And wet. But we were wet on the outside, which isn’t near as much fun as the converse. Despite the rain, we still got a trail with features such as shiggy, pavement, and even a few water crossings. Yeah, that was a big surprise. In all, the trail was fun, but it’s not like a special night with your mom. Trust me. I’ve done both and I know the difference.
So, after a cold soaking, we all circled up at the finish to find two thirsty gentlemen in blue that seemed jealous of our fun. They seemed unwilling to believe that if they wanted a beer, we’d have gladly let them have one. They didn’t listen. They were a couple of surly fellows, alright. And they made us leave. We had a lot of beer we didn’t get to drink. And we had violations to issue. There is some irony here. The long dick of the law stopped the circle, and prevented the justice that was so desperately needed. They pardoned the hash from its myriad of wanker crimes. Well I demand justice! Crimes were committed! Wankers must pay their debt to hash society! Here’s a sampling of the unsolved crimes committed on trail. We’ll issue warrants before next week’s hash.

Violations:
Irritable Bow Wow Syndrome: Tried to get us kicked out of the start location by shitting in the parking garage.
And How’s Her Bush: Abuse of BNs. He set a few extra BNs on the way to the beer check. Yeah, there were SEVEN of them. Seven deadly sins and seven BNs. Coincidence? I think not!
Cock A Doodle Do Me: Bad weather. It was cold.
Blows A Tranny: Got towed up a muddy incline by a dog. That’s cheating.
Hares: Failed to lay trail on Trojan’s zen route.
Breathless: Has achieved a record of more than 100 hashes without haring.
Wetback Mount Him: Nostalgia. He had to return from Boise to get back to a real hash.
Queerly I’m Straight: Took a muddy water crossing on all fours. Funny, his mom takes it on all fours, too.
Private Snowball: Couldn’t find his car at the end location. That’s because we replaced his starting parking garage with a brand new one for the finish. He was quoted later saying that parking garages were like white people; they all look the same to him.
Runs With Bulls: From the look of the minor rug burn he had on his elbow, the motorcycle accident story was just to cover up for a little rough sex with your mom.
Hares: Failed to lay trail on Follow The Bleeder’s zen route, too.
Just Megan: Remarked that “first times don’t always go well.” We’re going to want to hear that story when we name her.
Cock A Doodle Do Me: Bad weather. It was raining.


Snap Crackle Poop brought the Hash Shit with him. I’m not saying that no one deserved to take it off his hands. However, it’s tough to get rid of the hash shit when the Alexandria police are standing next to the beer bitch with a disapproving look on their faces. So, he’s going to hang onto it for another week, and see if we get busted early next time.

After that, it was ononon to Bungalow Billiards. We gave them money, and they returned with beer and food. What a concept!

On On,
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