#1186 Seis De Mayo, 2008 Rockville, MD

Hares: A Salt My Ass, Cock A Doodle Do Me, RU469, Just Stacey
Virgins: Just Jen, Just Barry, Just Candace, Just Greg (Pound Me In The Ass brought him)
Visitors: Fuck Like A Rabbit – Boston, Plank – Prague, Little Shit – Frederick, Just Anya - Homeless
Brew Crew: Turbo Twat, Stop The Erection
Beer Bitch: Rear Protein Injection
Analversaries: Tooth Fairy – 102, Mount My Rear – 25
Long Time No Seers: Apparently those who leave never return.
OnOnOn: Jonathan’s Sports Pub

Where do I begin? I think it’s fair to say we finally found East Bumf*ck. I can’t tell you how long I’ve been looking for East Bumf*ck. Thanks to Jefe Lengua, we found West Bumf*ck some time ago. Apparently our hares really are great explorers. Some of us were on our way back from Stinko De Mayo, and didn’t have to drive far from there to get to this week’s hash. However, it was an absolutely gorgeous day for the hash. Apparently my stern warnings to our Religious Advisers have served us well. They knew better than to bring any rain this week.

It's also worth saying that we met one of the coolest hashers ever! His name is Little Shit, and he hails from Frederick. If you missed out on meeting this hashing legend, it is truly your loss. I do, however, have a feeling that he'll be back.

I could also quote the one of the hares, A Salt My Ass, who posted a great message to Digby’s Beer Palace saying that this was “probably the best trail ever laid in the history of WH4.” I beg to differ. A good hash? Maybe. A better than average hash? True for the walker’s trail I was on, at least. Best hash ever? I doubt it. Shameless self-promotion? Usually, I get my first violation sometime just before the opening circle. I guess I’m early this week.

Then we could discuss the environmentally friendly aspect of this week’s trail. Friendly, it was. The hares had a great idea to encourage the pack to carry trash bags, and to offer a reward for the pack member that reaches the end with the largest supply of trail trash. There was just one problem. The hares didn’t plan well enough to ensure that there was a receptacle for all that trash at the end location. So, A Salt My Ass later demanded that Silver Spooge surrender the reward because he had to take Spooge’s trash to a dumpster. Did I mention that A Salt My Ass was at least partly responsible for the lack of a dumpster? Yeah. That’s violation #2 for next week already. Man, this job is easy.

However, with all those discussions available, none of them are my favorite. No. There’s one discussion I like to have with you more than any other. I like to make fun of you for everything you do on trail. It’s the little things that make life worth the living, isn’t it? On on to Violations!

Violations:
No Name Nyet: Wearing new shoes. So we let her boyfriend And How’s Her Bush drink from them.
Cock A Doodle Do Me: At 3:30pm, she asked Knee Deep Pussy High if it was okay to start a little late. Someone forgot to tell her that we start at 3. It’s on the website. Check it out.
Duck Duck Bush: Cheating. Apparently, he was taking trash from residential trash cans to fill his eco-trash bag.
Slurpee: She’s a little bit rock and roll. She stepped on a rock, and rolled away. Safety third.
Hares: Set a true trail across the street, only to set one on the other side facing the opposite direction. Frogger’s not safe in real life. Yeah…Safety Third.
Little Shit: Betrayed his hash name on trail. Little Shit pissed.
Horn Blower: Hash addict. Professed that he quit, and would finish with the walkers, only to take off running at the next sight of a hash mark.
Turbo Twat: Supplied boiling water for the pack to drink. Safety Third.
One Time At Hand Camp: Attempted a Superman impression on trail, only to learn that he could not fly. Safety Third.
Dildo Shaggins & Holy Fuck: Sex on trail. They were at the beer check having a roll in the hay, or at least one down the hill.
A Salt My Ass: Trying to one up Jesus Christ by having two virgin parents.


Snap Crackle Poop brought the Hash Shit with him. He got it for threatening to hold out on beer until his mug was returned. But, here’s who tried to get it from him:

Cock A Doodle Do Me: For leaving her goblet at the last hash. If she wants it back, it’s on the hash shit. She was renominated for being ungrateful that her goblet wasn’t frozen in a block of ice. That happens from time to time.
Raise My Titanic: For breaking the hash shit.
Snap Crackle Poop: For quibbling with Raise My Titanic when she tried to paw at his junk. That’s bad form.
Mellow Foreskin Cheese: For ignoring his car alarm prior to the opening circle. Way to be discrete.

And the winner is…Snap Crackle Poop

Then we decided to name Just Stacey. Just Stacey is 29 year old property manager who went to JMU and majored in computer information systems. She lost her virginity at 17, but has never had sex with a woman. She enjoys missionary (lazy). She almost got caught having sex at a Howard Johnson. Apparently the HoJo is also the dormitory for JMU, and she left a star on the door to indicate that she’d be having sex. When her roommate opened the door, she shouted “Star! Star!” Her hobbies include beer drinking. She used to trip on acid and run through the woods naked, and isn’t sure if she’s smarter than A Salt My Ass. Then she got into a heated argument with Silver Spooge about whether he’s on her Facebook page. He insisted that he was “all over her facebook.” So, we tried to name her one of the following:

Porn Star
Hourly Rates
I’m Late
Spooge On My Face
Slum Lord
Red Light District
Fuck First, Ask Questions Later
A Star Is Porn
All Over My Facebook
Lucky Charms

But since all those names sucked, we threw her back. Study the story, and come up with questions you’d like to have answered before we give her a name. And make it a good one this time.

After that, it was ononon to Jonathan’s Sports Pub. I guess it was a good time. I was tired.

On On,
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