#1185 April 27, 2008 Braddock Road Metro AND the Safety Thirdest Hash EVER!!!

Hares: Cleopapsmear, A Salt My Ass, Turbo Twat, Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack
Virgins: Just Jane, Just Mike, Just Thomas, Just Jed
Visitors: Blowjack – San Antonio, I Like Your Boobs – Transplant from Pikes Peak, Bridge Over The River Twat – San Diego, Nookie Monster – San Diego
Brew Crew: Dyke Tyson, Snap Crackle Poop
Beer Bitch: Just Ryan
Analversaries: Tooth Fairy – 100, Unfuhfuckable – 100, M. I. C. Och Shoots Blanks - 69, Mr. Magoo – 369
Long Time No Seers: Takes It Up The Ehhh, All Lickie No Dickie, Cock Smoker And The Bandit
OnOnOn: Rustico

This week features a special choose your own adventure Hash Trash. That’s right. If you want to read about violating the RA more often, go to Violate The RA. If you want to read about the Hares’ Insecurity, go to Hash Envy. If you want to read about the poor economy, go to Current Events.

Violate The RA
I’m sorry. I’ve been lax in my duties. If I had been issuing the proper violations, the RA would know better than to allow all this cold rain to move in on Sunday morning EVERY WEEK. Seriously, I think it’s going to get to a point where the pack is bitching if it’s sunny outside when we hash. So in order to avoid this calamity, I vow to ensure that our RA pays a stiff penalty for bad weather at all future hashes. Cock A Doodle Do Me, you’re on notice! No more cold rain, beeyotch! Or else. Now, go to Violations.

Hash Envy
Well, our hares this week decided to take action on their hash envy. A few months ago, the New Haven Hash got a lot of attention after a little encounter with the authorities at Ikea. Well, our trusty hares thought they might get a little attention for themselves by anonymously alerting the authorities to the powdered blob left in front of a mail box. When the pack ran through, they were greeted by a few friendly firemen who warned us to stay away from the offensive substance. Thank God we didn’t tell them who did it. We’d all be in jail. Now, go to Violations.

Current Events
Finally, I want to take a moment to discuss current events with you, and to outline a plan for future improvements. Times are tough. Money’s tight. Mortgages are being foreclosed. Beer’s getting more expensive. Everyone needs to do their part to save a few cents here and there. That’s why about ten members of the pack decided to do the right thing, and skip the beer check, going straight to the finish. Yep. We did it for you. Okay, that’s a lie. Somehow, we found the wrong part of trail. Don’t worry, we made up for our thirst at the end circle. Next week, it’s your turn to miss the beer check. It’s okay, I’ll drink your share. Anyway, let’s talk about everything you did on trail this week. Now, go to Violations.

Violations:
Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack: Got run over by Apollo Peed before the opening circle. Safety third!
Just Jane: Got violated for the amount of time it took her to do her virgin down down. So Gay Guy Counter got called into the circle to show her how to finish a full mug of beer…using Safety Third.
All Lickie No Dickie: Hash Apathy. He skipped a hash 6 blocks away from his house last week.
Back Snatch: Took a nail through his foot on trail. Dude, Jesus did it so you wouldn’t have to. Safety third.
Trojan: Aiding and abetting hare’s treachery by standing on an X and yelling “on-on.”
Cock Smoker And The Bandit: Swooping in for sloppy seconds after Back Snatch had already been nailed on trail.
Wookin Pa Nub: After getting cut off at the end circle last week, he came prepared with a large bottle of whisky. That’s good planning.
Slurpee, Tooth Fairy, Obeastiologist: Various acts of race-ism.
Blowjack: Missed the chance to see Easy Like Sunday Morning’s breasts when she changed no more than 5’ away from him.
Easy Like Sunday Morning: If she’s going to change we want to know. Please announce it next time.
Just Jane: Suggested that we not run in the woods due to a risk of injury and poison ivy. Gay Guy Counter got to step in and do that one for her. Safety third.
Hares: Laying trail across the GW Parkway. Safety third.

Wookin Pa Nub brought the Hash Shit with him. He got it for repeatedly yelling “Mount My Rear” a month or so ago. The following wankers tried really hard to take it from him:

Cleopapsmear: For recreating the Hazmat Hash
Winn Dickme: Pedophilia on trail. Found a child’s sock in her hash clothing from last week.
Snap Crackle Poop: Terrorism on trail. He turned off the taps and threatened to leave them off until someone returned his 100 run mug.

And the winner is…Snap Crackle Poop

Then we decided to name Just Ryan. Just Ryan is a contractor working in intelligence. He’s 32 years old, grew up in Pennsylvania, and is a lazy bastard who prefers girl on top. The first time he had sex was an unspectacular affair with some girl on a waterbed. The dumbest thing he ever did was to have sex in a car that was being driven by an unlicensed friend of his. Another time, he awoke with a girl he’d had sex with to find the sheets were bloody. She didn’t tell him about that beforehand. Here’s what we had in mind for names:

Sex Period
Pork and Ride
Unintentional Hysterectomy
Cumday Bloody Cumday
Squeals on Wheels
Private Pyle
Red Beard

But we named him…Double O Positive

After that, it was ononon to Rustico. Ask Blows A Tranny if it was as much fun as the last time we were there.

On On,
Gay Guy Counter