#1174 February 17, 2008 Exes Are False Trails Hash

Hares: Gay Guy Counter, Rambutt, Cock Strikes 12, Planes Trains & Automobiles

Virgins: Just Todd, Just Ron, Just Andrea, Just Tom, Just Guthrie

Visitors: GI Jane, Sister Michael – Turkbekistan (on his world tour, ending at the World Interhash in Perth, Australia)

Long Time No-Seers: Those who have left have stayed gone

Beer Bitch: Just Craig

Analversaries: One Eyed Willy – 25

Brew Crew: Hot Lunch, See Colon Enter

OnOnOn: Rhodeside Grill

This trail was about relationships and breakups. Let’s talk about all the ways that this trail resembled them. Appropriately, it started out light, easy, and fun. Then, there was a little discomfort, a few too many complaints, and some serious broken promises. Something about a shot check I can’t really remember. And then something beautiful ended with five perfectly innocent people sitting on bags of ice. The truth is that this trail was all about getting f*cked and avoiding X’s. By the way, I won’t be calling your mom any time soon. Sorry about that. In the end, the pack was so unhappy with its relationship to the hares that they began drinking more excessively than normal, and ran the brew crew out of beer. There was almost no beer left for our naming. For SHAME!!! Given that we ran out of beer, that must have been one hell of a good circle. Well, no, maybe the pack just wanted to bask in the glory of icing their hares. Yeah, I’ll bet that was it. Thank God that Gay Guy Counter told Snap Crackle Poop where the convenience store was. THAT was a stroke of brilliance if you don’t consider the whole ice episode. Snap Crackle Poop’s betrayal of Gay Guy Counter is typical of a broken relationship if I might say so.

Trail was followed by an awesome circle but Cock A Doodle Do Me already gets enough attention so moving on......

Violations B!tches:

Hares: Eco-friendly trail. Not a single grain of flour or stick of chalk was wasted.

Wooly Mammaries: Thought he had locked himself out of I’d Tap That, only to learn that he was trying to break into someone else’s big white van.

Jeffe Lengua: Apparently prefers women with big, puffy lips. He was quoted as saying “camel toes are sexy.”

Jackoff Lantern: Tripped over a doggy bowl of water at the beer check, and complained about being wet.

Whacks On Whacks Off: Upset about how many dogs were on trail, so he decided to pee on trail and mark the territory.

Just Andrea: Overachieving. Just Andrea got divorced in 2007 when she found out about the upcoming “Exes Are False Trails” hash.

3 Ring Cervix: Reading a trashy romance novel on trail. There’s plenty of trashy sex to be had at the hash.

Hares: It’s clear that they didn’t work any harder at their marriages than they did on this trail. Otherwise, they’d all still be married.

Coin Operated: Hopefully, her sex life is better than her parking abilities. Otherwise, nobody would ever get in.

Gay Guy Counter: Lost his mug while it was still in his hands. If he were making better use of it, it would have been harder to lose.

Cock Strikes 12: For spooning Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack Friday night at the EWH3 ski trip.

Hares: It’s okay to anxiously await the return of your savior, but don’t do so by holding the end circle in a parking spot that reads “reserved for J.C.”

Poop Weiner: Needed to go home with a woman so badly that he was happy to go to jail with one of Arlington’s finest on the off chance that she was using the handcuffs as a recreational device.

Mt. My Rear: Drained the batteries on a personal electronic device at the hash. My God, that girl’s enthusiastic!

Hash Shit:

There was no hash shit present today.

Then, we decided to name Just Craig. Just Craig went to George Washington University, is a systems engineer working in nuclear detection, and happens to be married. His wife is gracious, and gives him plenty of freedom to come to the hash. He grew up in upstate New York. Just Craig’s most interesting and embarrassing sexual moment was the New Year’s Eve Party where he had sex in front of a reasonably large group of partiers. The pack worked hard to provide him a name that had something to do with the theme of the trail.

Suggested names include:

Baby New Queer

My Wife Let Me Come Once

Cock Hugger

Future Ex Husband

Ex Factor

50% Off

Supervised Play

Chugger

But then we named him…Crowd Pleaser

Then it was on on to Rhodeside Grill, where we had plenty of additional beer and food. At least they didn’t run out of beer.

On On,

Gay Guy Counter