#1172 February 3, 2008 Semen’s Special Ghetto Hash

Hares: Semen On The Pew, Tap Three Times, Randy Baby, The Pimp Of Sarajevo

Virgins: Just Irene

Visitors: Tommy D, Randy Baby, Malignant Tits, Mr. Beanie Weenie, Just Jeff, Just Ed, Wrong Number

Long Time No-Seers: Apparently no one was gone for several weeks. No one. Nope, your faithful scribe has been here the whole time. Trust me.

Beer Bitch: Just Meg

Analversaries: Can’t Get Beaver, A Red River Runs Through It

Brew Crew: Takes It Up The Ehhh, See Colon Enter

OnOnOn: Argonaut

Our stunt cock/GM Tooth Fairy introduced our pre-Super Bowl trail. Wow! This trail was VERY interesting. It was long (like my cock). It was warm (like I’m hoping your snatch is). There were balls flying at our faces. Trust me, I’m new at that, but some of the harriettes on trail were reasonably comfortable with the situation. There was even murder on trail. I’m not kidding about this! We saw a sign on trail offering a $25,000 reward for information regarding the capture of the idiot who shot some other idiot dead on trail in broad daylight. There were even teddy bears nailed to the tree on trail. You can’t make this shit up, people! So Semen On The Pew and friends took the pack on a ball-flying, ghetto tromping, run through downtown DC. And we all survived thanks to our regional ambassador, Private Snowball. More on that later. On On to violations.

Violations:

Hares: Almost making Et Tu Bootay drop her bra to bribe the golf course marshall. What’s this ALMOST bullshit?

Drip Dry: Unwilling to shut up on trail.

Poop Weiner: Unwilling to put something in Drip Dry’s mouth to keep her from talking so much.

Semen On The Pew: Wanted to get a round of golf in on trail, and even wore the appropriate plaid pants.

Rear End Loader: (warning REL is not wearing a shirt in this picture, view at your own risk) Drove to Philly for cheaper beer, and found that the gas money was well worth it.

Hares: Brew crew was approached twice by police while setting up the beer check.

Hares: Golf course in February – acceptable. Not adjusting the plan for a golf course on an unseasonably warm day – priceless.

Et Tu Bootay: First day of real work on Monday. Let’s get her trashed today.

Wrong Number: Avoiding any place that’s wet. I simply can’t tell you how wrong this is.

Slurpee: For pointing out that we’d be fine in the bad neighborhood, thanks to our regional ambassador, Private Snowball.

RA Cock A Doodle Do Me: Violating Queerly I’m Straight. ‘Nuff Said.

Hash Shit:

There was no mention of the hash shit today. So, we had a competition for the opportunity to use Safety Third! And what an exciting contest it was. Here were the nominations!

Hares: Mugged while laying trail. Fortunately, they had nothing to lose or give at the time.

Hares: Forcing the pack to endure balls flying at their faces.

Hares: Murder on trail.

Hares: Stopped by police and advised to “stay together and leave this part of town as soon as possible.”

And the winner was…

Hares, with Semen On The Pew performing the dirty deed for all four of them.

Then Tooth Fairy decided to brag about how to do it right, and got the chance to revisit the safety third user training seminar, originally given by True Tail. The problem with their recommended usage is that it doesn’t fare well when you’re wearing sleeves. Be sure to ask Tooth Fairy about that, won’t you?

Then, we took the opportunity to name Just Meg. Just Meg is a neuropharmacologist. Google the definition for more info. Just Meg’s favorite position is Cowgirl because it’s a good workout for her thighs. She’s got four cats. Her most kinky experience was a threesome in college (FFM that is). Her preferred farm animal is a chicken. She shoots pool, and apparently has an affinity for young men (13 years her junior or 13 years old, I couldn't quite hear what she said). Suggested names include:

My Cocks A Floppin’

Cradle Knobber

Sexercise

Take Me Twice And Call Me In The Morning

Three’s Company

Chin and Tonic

No Cunt-ry For Old Men

But we named her…No Child Left Behind

Then it was on on to the Argonaut, where we had an inordinate supply of cheap PBR and half price wings. Good times.

On On,

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