#1167 January 6, 2008 Van Dorn Station-ish

Hares: Jack Off Lantern, Knee Deep Pussy High, Just Karen, Cock A Doodle Do Me, Bad Ditch

Virgins: Just Sheila, Just Steve, Just Jim, Just Tom, Just Mina

Visitors: Dick-o-lo – Orlando, Ass Ass In – Perth Hammersly, Mr. Bean – New England, Cums On Vacation – Happy Valley

Long Time No-Seers: Ms. Cream Jeans, Crouching Boner Hidden Drag Queen, VAM

Beer Bitch: Just Breech

Analversaries: The Pimp Of Sarajevo

Brew Crew: Turbo Twat, Mellow Foreskin Cheese

OnOnOn: Jack Off Lantern’s Masquerade Supply Shop


What a trail! Well, I should write “what a trail?” I was on walker, and couldn’t say too much about the runners’ trail. However, it did manage to bloody at least one member of the pack, so there was some value there. Additionally, the hares managed to take us through a toxic waste dump, also known as “behind a Mexican restaurant,” in complete violation of the Geneva Convention’s provisions regarding chemical and biological warfare. Then, it was on to the decoy beer check. What sick group of miscreants would run the entire pack through a parking lot full of nondescript white vans, and not expect calamity? Oh yeah, they’re listed above. There was even some confusion regarding how the beer check was marked, but since I’m heavily medicated as I write this, you don’t get any more information than that. Lucky for you, I wrote down all the stupidity we discussed at the end circle. Here are the violations!


Violations:

Obeastiologist: Apparently, beermile.com lists OB as the only participant and finisher of the 2007 DC beer mile. Shameless self promotion. Still, the date was wrong.

Ass Ass In, Just Steve, Just Jim: All brought shiny new beer mugs to the hash. Oh, wait. Those were shoes. Funny, they still hold beer.

Hares: Violation of the Geneva Convention provision against chemical and biological warfare on trail.

Dick Tac Toe: Looking for bush on trail would be acceptable, but he was literally interested in the fauna when he asked “is that a warm weather plant?”

Lube Me Up Scotty: Strike one! She attempted to smack Dairy Queen on the ass and caught little more than air.

Hares: Game insurance on trail. The trail was littered with porn for those who might not have someone to go home with after the on on on.

Just Craig: Had to wipe his face and hands after the porn was passed around at the beer check. Save some for later, okay?

Snatch Shot: Plans to attend the on on on mask making event only so she can eat the paste.

Cock A Doodle Do Me & Terminal Atrocity: Greeted each other in a twisted canine fashion, smelling each other’s armpits.

Obeastiologist: Got himself a new heart rate monitor, and begs Titly Winks to let him wear it during sex.

Tranny In Training: Took up smoking for the last 50 yards of trail. This is not the SHIT hash!


Hash Shit:

There was no mention of the hash shit today. Sorry.


Then, we took the opportunity to name Just Karen. This is how it went down. Just Karen’s favorite position is Cowgirl. During her youth, she was a competitive figure skater. She performs vaginal ultrasounds for a living, and enjoys rollerblading and photography. Thanks to her profession, she once had to ask a Spanish-speaking customer to “open the love window,” and she has seen a woman with two vaginas. This particular lass was pregnant in the left one, as she was saving the right one for her second marriage. Suggested names include:


Examine My Bush

Double Your Pleasure

Hello Pussy

Wet Dream

Double Barrel

Door Number Two

Tonya Hard On

Love Window


But we named her…Righty Tightey Lefty Loosey


Then it was on on to Jack Off Lantern’s place to make masks for the WH4 AGM Carnival celebration. If you didn’t make one, that anonymous hookup you were hoping for just got a bit more complicated. Never fear, though. Get yourself a mask, some feathers, and a little glue and make your mask before the party. Just make sure you put the glue and feathers on the outside. You have already registered, haven’t you? What? You haven’t? Hurry up! It’s going to be a fantasy in real life with alcohol, food, alcohol, drunken hookups, an AWESOME giveaway, maybe a few drinks, and hopefully a drunken hookup or two. I’m really looking forward to seeing your mom there.


On On,

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