#1164 December 23, 2007 Shaw/Howard U

Hares: Test Tube Baby, Just Lyn, Back Snatch

Virgins: Just Stavely

Visitors: Pity Fuck – Orlando, A Long Time Fuck – Free China, Skidmarks - Hockessin

Long Time No-Seers: Rambutt, Oregon Grinder, Anal Avenger, Back Snatch, 3 Ring Cervix, Takes It Up The Ehhh, Hungry Hungry Homo, Sir Shaves A Lot, Storming The Bitches Of Normandy, Test Tube Baby, Pulls Out Early

Beer Bitch: Just Craig

Analversaries: Apparently, everyone has a life this week.

Brew Crew: Hungry Hungry Homo, Takes It Up The Ehhh

OnOnOn: Test Tube Baby’s house


It was a dark and stormy night... Okay, more accurately than that, it was a cold and rainy afternoon. Seriously, this is the 732nd trail in a row where I get to brag about getting wet on trail. And I’m not alone. Everyone got wet on trail. AGAIN! This pre-Christmas hash was pre-laid and re-laid. It’s no wonder we all got wet. Surprisingly, it was a lot less fulfilling than I expected. After the hash, I had to change out of my wet clothes, but there was no cuddling whatsoever. I expected cuddling, dammit! However, we did get to enjoy some proper Brittish fare cooked up by Just Lyn. While there may not have been any cuddling, there was stupidity. On on to violations.


Violations:

Anal Avenger: Arrived at the start and asked if there was a walker’s trail because he had run to the hash.

Wookin’ Pa Nub: Took a booty call on trail, but chose poorly and stayed on trail with the pack.

Skid Marks: Peeing on trail. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem but he was unaware That this was supposed to be a shitty trail.

Private Snowball: Was addressed by a native who was concerned for his safety. Apparently, it’s not safe for a black man to be in NE DC in a large group of white folks.

Peace O’Chum: Complained about being wet. Not acceptable hash behavior.

Just Lyn: Alcohol abuse. Just Lyn gave a small amount of her beer to her dog, and poured the rest on the ground.

Sir Shaves A Lot: Complained about seeing Bad Ditch strip on trail.

Just Stavely: Attempted to zen her virgin hash. We appreciate the ambition just enough to let her drink a beer for it.

Just Nub: Just Nub, another virgin hasher, followed Just Stavely as she zenned her virgin trail.

Taster’s Choice: Went native in the ‘hood with an Olde English 40 oz malt liquor.

Hares: Planned trail in rain.

RA – Bob Lowblaw: Failed miserably to dispense with the rain for our trail.


Hash Shit:

Rambutt’s honeymoon with the Hash Shit came to an end when they returned to the hash this week. It turns out that they were having a little marital difficulty, and tried to work it out to no avail. The following wankers made serious attempts to break up their happy home.


White Kane: Autohashing to avoid the rain. Seems like he’d be able to keep the Hash Shit warm and dry.

Bob Lowblaw: Showed so much manual dexterity while putting apron on beer bitch, Just Craig, that it’s difficult to believe that Knee Deep Pussy High ever gets laid. (Give it a second if you have to. You’ll figure it out.)

Just Lyn: Spent two days cooking for the hash. Didn’t she know we’d be happy to just buy bar food. Also, no good deed goes unpunished at the hash.

Gay Guy Counter: Referred to Bob Lowblaw as “Bobby.” Now that’s a serious infraction.

Rambutt: Amnesia regarding how she was awarded the Hash Shit. One more week.


And the winner is…Just Lyn


Then, since it had stopped raining, we decided to name Just Lyn. We learned a few things about her, and made up some silly names. Here’s the skinny. Just Lyn’s favorite position is Cowgirl. She has an innie, but didn’t know what it means, and I don’t know why we care. She was apparently wearing sexy granny panties, which is another thing I’m not sure I understand. She does work as a customs officer, and though she hasn’t performed cavity searches, she has had to search poop for hidden contraband. Her favorite food is anything English. Her favorite animal is a horse. She met Test Tube Baby at a hash, and had sex with him in the bathroom (also known as the loo for all you Brits reading this) at the Red Dress Run. Although he was unaware of the fact that it was Just Lyn and Test Tube Baby, Skid Marks did apparently walk in on it, and has been telling the story for months. Suggested names include:


Fist Full Elbow Deep

Pee And Crumpets

Can I Get A Witness

Red Dress Cum

Olde English 40

Tale Of Two Cummings

Coat Check Ho


But we named her…Bang Her And Hash


As if that wasn’t enough fun, we also decided to name Just Patrick. Just Patrick is in the United States Air Force and works in computer networking. He defaults to using two fingers, and has had sex behind a movie screen during a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Just Patrick expects you to believe that he’s never had sex with a woman weighing over 160 lbs. His favorite animal is a whale. The strangest place he’s ever pooped is off the side of a moving boat, into the water. He has been caught having sex by his girlfriend’s parents, and claims that there is a 3 second window before daddy gets close enough that you have to pull out and run like hell. We recommended a few names. Here they are:


Blow Hole

Off He Blows

Porn Surfer

3 Second Rule

Pump And Run

Bronkin’ Fuck

I Lied. She’s Big

Sympathy Fuck


Then we named him…Tranny In Training


Then we stayed at Test Tube Baby’s place to eat the English food that Bang Her And Hash prepared for us. We did make sure to knock before using the rest room, though.


On On,

Gay Guy Counter