#1162 December 9, 2007 West Falls Church

Hares: Knee Deep Pussy High, Bob Lowblaw, Chlorine Will Kill Everything

Virgins: Just Bonnie

Visitors: Just Cathy – Cairo (transplant)

Brew Crew: Gay Rod, Thong Butt Not Forgotten

Beer Bitch: Just Kim

Analversaries: Big Bang - 300

Long Time No Seers: Delivery Boy, Penis Pen Pal, Coin Operated

OnOnOn: Mark’s Pub

Once again, the hash met on a beautiful (read: cold and wet, like your mom) Sunday afternoon. Knee Deep Pussy High greeted hashers with an 80% chance of getting really wet on trail, but even those who had been trying to get wet all weekend (present company included) were bitching about being cold and wet. “We don’t want to be cold and wet” they whined. “We like hot and wet.” Bitch, bitch, bitch. Regardless, in addition to all the whining we did, we ran a shitty trail through Falls Church (not just kinda shitty, I mean really shitty. I even got my shoes dirty!).

Knee Deep Pussy High encouraged everyone to bring her (sex) toys in support of the Toys for Tots program (and because Bob Lowblaw is apparently “falling down” on the job, if you know what I mean). If you didn’t bring her any toys, there’s still time to do so next week. SERIOUSLY, have a heart, and give a toy to some kid you don’t know, and for whose existence you did NOT get to wake your neighbors by screaming out for assistance or support from almighty God. Really, give that kid a toy.

In other important news, we did happen to see Can’t Fuck Dust last week, when the aliens sent him back to Earth, albeit under the influence of some serious manner of telepathic mind control. The alien-inhabited form of Can’t Fuck Dust told us how he’d be leaving for the barren deserts of the Southwest in an attempt to see whether it’s easier to fuck sand than dust. We’re anxiously awaiting a full report on that issue.

Anyway, there was still plenty of ridiculous behavior this week. Let’s see what that was all about, shall we?

Violations:

Hares: Sent the walkers along the Dulles Toll Road. As is Chlorine Will Kill Everything now owes the state of Virginia about $8.25, and owes WH4 one safety third.

Bikini Lines: New shoes. Yes, they got dirty. That’s why it’s funny when you drink from them.

Knee Deep Pussy High: Regifted a white elephant gift to I’d Tap That.

Vagiant & Apollo Peed: Neither of these two were certain of how shitty the trail would be, so they pitched in to make it shittier than usual.

Put It Out: Racism. Not only did PIO run a half m*rathon before trail, he had to leave a bachelor party early to be ready for it.

Just Cathy: Quoted on trail saying “I have no talent whatsoever with balls.” We will train you. All you need is a “can do” attitude.

Gay Guy Counter: Dropped his fleece in cold water on trail. This would have gone unnoticed except that it was a transparent attempt to find a harriette that might be willing to “keep him warm” later.

Just Craig: Objected to drinking the shot because it was pink. I worry about any man who won’t eat something pink. Comments, ladies?

Hares: Led the pack through a Korean church parking lot. This isn’t funny unless you know (or believe that Monday Sticky Monday isn’t lying when he says that) “on-on” sounds a lot like “hello” in Korean.

The Hash Shit was not present. Rambutt and the Hash Shit have apparently eloped, and gone to Fiji. Please send photos, post cards, and wedding-night videos. Thank you.

From there, it was ononon to Mark’s Pub. The ambience (I mean smoke) was overwhelming. I’m sorry if you missed it. However, Wookin’ Pa Nub was overheard saying “I don’t put out.” The problem is, that not getting any and not putting out look a lot alike from the outside, but they aren’t the same thing.

On On,

Gay Guy Counter