#1160 November 25, 2007 College Park

Hares: Peace O’ Chum, Mount My Rear, Little Red Ride Me Good, Beaver Whack, Saskatchewsnatch

Virgins: Just Kim, Just Patrick, Just Heather (all filthy liars. Oops, I mean honorary virgins)

Visitors: Ass Spelunker – Tidewater H3, Pity Fuck – Orlando 2, Wonder Boy – Seoul, Victoria’s Secret – Seoul

Brew Crew: Gimme An Oohhh, Small Wonder

Beer Bitch: Just Patrick

Analversaries: Gay Guy Counter – 25

Long Time No Seers: Beaver Whack, RU 469, Hidden Assets, Late Nite Drive Thru

OnOnOn: Cornerstone Grill

Wow, this bevy of beautiful harriettes showed us all more shiggy than can be found in any vintage porn movie. We are still looking for confirmation that they have less bush than the trail did. Eyewitness accounts only, please. Photographs are preferable. In addition to our travels through the bush, everybody got wet on trail. Good for us. Not only that, but everyone who wanted one, got a sweet pumpkin pie on trail.

By the way, we still haven’t seen Can’t Fuck Dust since his alien abduction. I’ve been working diligently to obtain assistance in finding him so he might be rescued from any further anal probing. To that end, I contacted the SETI Institute (www.seti.org). I explained that our friend Can’t Fuck Dust had been abducted, and asked if they could help. First, they told me not to be profane. I assured them that was his name (that took a little while), and asked if they had any idea where I could find him. They told me if they had to go looking for every missing or abducted Tom, Dick, or Can’t Fuck Dust, there’d be no time to look for ET, or to sell all those cool pens, coffee mugs, and laser pointers. They do have cool travel mugs that look half melted, but that’s another issue. Then they said something about a field trip to Roswell next week keeping them all a bit busier than usual. At least until we find him, I recommend you all go to www.stopabductions.com for instructions on how to make your own preventive gear.

Violations:

Taster’s Choice: Choice of words on metro, when he yelled “Hey, there’s Semen over there!”

Mount My Rear & Beaver Whack: Sex on trail would be fine, except they didn’t let anybody watch.

Wonder Boy: T-shirt is wrong. It claims that he likes his women like his coffee; ground up in the freezer. It’s supposed to be hot, black and first thing in the morning.

Wooly Mammaries: Hash cash blowing away in the breeze. I’m guessing you can get a blowjob cheaper than that, dude.

Tastes Great Always Willing: Doing laundry on trail; she was washing her socks at the beer check.

Just Heather: Says she doesn’t like cream, but likes a shot of goodness. Know what that means? FACIALS!!!

Gay Guy Counter: Proves he likes cream by eating a giant stack of Oreos.

Motormouth: No concept of length. Assured Trojan that the airport was at least a mile away from the beer check. We were at the end of a runway.

Hares: Insufficiently trimming bush.

Queerly I’m Straight: Despite the new job driving a bicycle taxi, he showed up to the hash on his bike, and promptly fell over. Safety third.

Little Red Ride Me Good: Expressed concern that she didn’t want to get lost on trail. SHE’S A HARE!

Et Tu Bootay: Excited to be third in from trail. Do you mean safety third? We do!

Red Eye Vagina: Had a cool hat, but apparently Free On Weekends has bigger balls.

Taster’s Choice: Noted his lack of safety goggles on trail. Safety? Third?

Hash Shit:

Just like last week, the hash shit was not present. So guess what. We didn’t give it to anyone. There was almost a stunt Hash Shit, but it seemed like everyone was more than ready to hurry on to the bar for drunken hookups.

From there, it was ononon to the bar. There were drunken hookups, as expected. If you missed it, that’s your problem. Work harder to get your favorite hasher drunk next time.

On On,

Gay Guy Counter