The White House Hash House Harriers
A drinking club with a running problem
#1153 October 7, 2007 Georgetown
Hares: Small Wonder, Vodka Running Wall 7, Gimme An Oohhh, Can’t Fuck Dust
Virgins: Just Liz (btw, she made herself cum. You go girl!)
Visitors: Vagina Whiner, Tour Duh Puke, Executive Spread, Wines a lot, Wish It Were Longer (yeah don't we all!), Nipples Erectus, Avalanch, Mr. Bean, Rotton Whore, Lifa, Major Lying Bastard. Yeah, there were a load of you out-of-towners, and I didn’t write down any of your names. Write your name and home hash on the back of a $20 bill and send it to me so I can edit the trash for you.
Brew Crew: Turbo Twat (this is 2 weeks in a row on Brew Crew for Turbo, you boys better step up and find out what her needs are and how you can meet them!!), and Stop the Erection.
Beer Bitch: Just Eric
Analversaries: Gimme An Oohhh, Milk Money, Wooly Mammaries, Turbo Twat
Long Time No Seers: Jag Queen, Cock Rate Monitor, Leave It In Beaver, Microsoft, Mount My Rear, Silver Spooge, Summer’s Eve, Nipples Erectus
OnOnOn: The Guards
This trail ended quite a week of debauchery known as the DC Red Dress Run. After an entire weekend of wearing women’s clothing, it was back in the closet for all the negligees, bustiers, and harriers who love wearing them (I know who you are). The hares were kind enough to show all those visitors that you can in fact find shiggy in downtown DC even when your mom’s not there. Despite a relatively low key (read: hung over) pack, there was plenty to talk about at the end circle. Violations were abundant.
Hares: Worst mouthwash shot check ever! “SC” isn’t supposed to mean Scope Near. And for being properly demonstrating Safety Third techniques by having the pack run down the Clara Barton Pkwy (in case anyone is unaware there is no sidewalk, you only have 3 inches of cushion.... more than most men can say)
Obeastiologist: Ran up a dead end street to find a false trail exactly where he had set one about 6 weeks earlier.
Richie Cum In Hand: Stops at Rosary Anal Beads’ front door hoping for a little on-trail quickie. After being rebuffed, he rejoined the pack.
3 Holer: Short cut right to DFL, while refusing to follow two of the best short cutters in DC (Follow The Bleeder and French Toasted).
Obeastiologist: Correctly Zens the trail, then stops because he didn’t want to cut off too much. Titly, I hope you’re not betting on circumcising any boys you two have.
Follow The Bleeder: Short cutting with Obeastiologist, and agreed that they should stay on trail.
Rotten Whore: Bragging about all the sex she COULD have had over the weekend. We’ve heard that before. Regardless, if you’re having sex at the hash, make sure it’s safe…ty third!
Just Liz: Virgin hasher ran ahead of the walker pack and got lost.
Tooth Fairy: Stands looking into the mug bin and asks “Is there another mug bin?” only to determine that his is missing from the bin because it’s already in his hand.
Hares: Safety Third Violation for sending the pack on a two-lane road with no sidewalk. It’s not fun to be road kill, okay? I’m having a little deja violation on this one.
Motormouth and Presidential Nasty: Coordinating outfits of navy blue and black. The coordination convinces us that you’re watching Queer Eye enough that you should know those colors don’t match.
This one was on the honor system: Everyone who was too drunk to remember the rest of the RDR night. And everyone who actually had to read a hash necklace to figure out who they hooked up with.
Snap Crackle Poop: remaining monogamous to a detachable penis for 3 weeks now.
Racists: Everyone who managed to remain sober enough to run the Army 10 Miler. Obviously they didn't get a lap dance from some random girl like Motor Mouth did, otherwise everyone would have still been at Rear End Load's house.
Knee Deep Pussy High had the Hash Shit for engaging in some manner of stupidity. The following wankers offered to take it off her hands:
Obeastiologist: Probably just for being Obeastiologist
Roll Over Bitch: Couldn’t wait to get to the bar to hit on virgin Just Liz, and was trying to get laid in circle. This violation was an obvious (and effective) attempt at a vicious cock(y) block.
Tooth Fairy: Buying new shoes and bringing them to the hash in the box.
Snap Crackle Poop: For excess enjoyment of his penis.
Winn Dickme and Put It Out: Swimming in the sewage overflow known as the Potomac.
And the winner is…Snap Crackle Poop!
And then we named Just Eric! We might not have done so, except for the ass pounding he received from a few choice harriettes. Check out the evidence page to see the damage these otherwise nice girls inflicted on poor Just Eric. Recommended names include:
Broken Skin To Win
Five At A Time
But because he’s apparently a gentle and faithful man, we named him Turn The Other Cheek!
Somehow, we also decided we had to engage in a speed naming. Our lovely contestant for this event was Vodka Running Wall 7. All we know is that her favorite actor is Matt Damon. So, recommendations were:
Good Will Cunting
How About These Nipples
And the prize for our contestant…The Porn Identity!
Gay Guy Counter and Cock A Doodle Do Me, peace out bitches!