Hash 1136 "The Columbia Heights death march, RIP SSBB. I miss you SSBB, I love you SSBB, I love you so hard. One day we'll be reunited and celebrate the golden nectar of the gods. Until then I will encourage all harriettes to run topless to celebrate the happiness and joy you brought to others." July 16, 2007

Hares: Test Tube Baby and Back Snatch

Ononon: Wonderland Ballroom

Analversaries, brew crew, virgins, visitors: maybe they we had some and maybe we didn't. Most likely we did but after someone presented Motor Mouth a beer with a breast on each side...... He temporarily stopped thinking. But then again who wouldn't. The attached picture is purely for visual pleasure, no beers or breast were harmed in the making of this photo.

Now on to the trail:

Have you ever seen the preview to a scary movie?

You either feel one of two things

"Wow, that's gonna be scary, I can't wait to see it"

Or

"Wow, that's gonna be scary, I think I'll stay home"

The later is how most of us felt when we read the Hareline …

BackSnatch, Test Tube Baby and the two Just who tried to name themselves at Columbia Heights this week.

"Wow, that's gonna be scary, I can't wait to see it"

(my first big mistake)

So me and 80 intrepid hashers show up early, find no marks and go drinking. Eventually we realized the moved the start and we meet up with everyone. Note to WHMM, timeliness is next to godliness and since we are all gods: Dust is taking hash cash, Motormouth acting scribe since the regular scribes were TDY, Blah Blah Blah is late, Jack Off Latern is even later, and the Hare Raiser knew enough not to show up (actually he and the scribe were busy celebrating last weeks analversary, but that doesn't make for a good hash trash story so....... back to the trail).

After Introducing a few of the virgins and a few of the out of towners, all for the purposes of hooking up later at the bar, and a weak rendition of "Father Abraham" the pack was off. Directly into A LOT of Urban Shiggy, ie a lot of running straight DOWN followed by going straight UP (wait is this the trash or a Paula Abdul song?)!

And then some more up and down and sideways action (which is great when you are in bed, but not so good when you are trying not to twist your ankle on the side of a mountain in 90 heat)

After ignoring a number of perfectly good beer check locations, we finally end up at the Cleveland park on-in location.

Note, this is about 3.5 miles since we started running and more then 2 miles we still need to go.

We wait about 45 minutes for the whole pack to be medevac'ed in, we name Just Ken as beer bitch

All the runners promise to "take it easy" on the second half. Riiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhhhtttttttttt, that's sort of like what a cougar says says to a fawn right before pouncing.

And we finally make it in........ well sort of.

Can't Fuck Dust and Seamen on the Pew (after his safe return to us) are so lost on trail that we start circle without them Jack Off Lantern properly chastises the hares, the visitors and the virgins

And then the violations start:

Snatchatory Rape is apparently a Cinnabon fan but yelled to the pack "I don't like the buns, just the icing and the sweet nuts"

Rosary Anal beads responded that "she didn't like the nuts"

The hares were violated for getting lost on their on trail, and losing the RA by sweeping in front of him

European Swallow and Eat's Street Meat were out "running" when they ran into the pack and decided to join us for a hash.

The hash shit was present and Drip Dry did her darndest to get rid of it.

-Obestiologist was nominated for saying there were too many vagina's at the hash, only because he's worried Vagiant might get an inferiority complex.

-Motormouth stated at the beer check "Save your violations to the end I'm to 'Wit' right now" apparently WET and WHITE sound the same to some people

-Seamen on the Pew was nominated for (insert why here)

-But the winner was Dairy Queen, while in Spain surrounded by hundreds of hot half naked women he chose to drunk dial Obeastiologist.

We also had to say goodbye to our beloved Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Her repair bills have gotten so high, that even Canadian Medical Insurance wouldn't cover her. Eh??

We toasted, and promised a replacement beer van soon.

The two hares were named …

Just Adam got his vasectomy as a present for Just Libby (or is it the other way around?) and has a secret S & M side

Henceforth and Forever More

Just Libby will be known as Speedy Cumzales

And Just Adam will be known as Whipped and Snipped.

Beer was drank and the world was made safe once more, but for how long …only the Shadow knows!

OnOut,

MotorMouth with contributions from Cocky