#1132 June 18, 2007

#1132 June 18, 2007 Ballston Metro – The Bill Wagner Birthday Hash

Hares: Bill Wagners (2 of them), #2 (only one of him – go figure), Short Bus Bitch, and Mr. Magoo

Virgins: Just Sarah, Just Sean, Just Katie, Just Jennifer, Just Rebecca, Just Betsy, and Just John

Visitors: Ginger Snap, Dirty Dog, Billy’s Bitch, Porcelina, and Dancing Lemon Turd

Beer Bitch: Just Joel

Analversaries: Fuck ‘em Dano (200th Run)

Brew Crew: Turbo Twat, Shamrock Your Cock

OnOnOn: O’Sullivans

The two Bill Wagners thought they’d bless all of us with their very own birthday trail. Who throws their own birthday party anyway? I haven’t seen a hasher do that in nearly a week. Personally, I was worried that they might be contagious, as they both seem to be coming down with a real bad case of OLD! Anyway, here’s the low down.


The opening circle wasn’t any more interesting than usual, and since I had no idea I’d be scribing this hash, I was drinking beer and daydreaming about boobies. Sue me. Of course, we welcomed our virgins and visitors, sang “Father Abraham” and began the hash.


The trail was fraught with checks and X marks, but as those intrepid adventurers who ignored (read: didn’t see) the fact that they were running past BT’s found out, every BT seemed to lead to a good trail. Violations about that later. It’s appropriate that these old geezers set a trail that was ALL UP HILL. I’m just surprised they didn’t manage about two feet of snow to complete the picture.


We all stopped for a lovely beer check in the perfect location to ruin what appeared to be someone’s family dinner/wine tasting/cocktail hour. We managed to nominate Just Joel as our beer bitch, and as soon as the family disappeared from the balcony, we knew it would only be a moment before “The Man” arrived, so we scurried away, back on trail.


The trail ended at Mellow Foreskin Cheese’s house, where we collected violations, redistributed the Hash Shit, and generally acted like idiots.


Violations:

  • Hares: Interrupting cocktail hour at the beer check, placing BT’s basically on trail, and for killing school children on trail. All that was left were socks small enough that they didn’t even fit Mr. Softy.

  • Slurpee: Using beer to kill a bug on trail, and for having phone sex on trail.

  • Motormouth: Managed to get lost on every leg of the Tour Duh Hash

  • Just John: Racist Behavior discussing a 10 miler, and somehow managing to complain about his bleeding nipples in the process.

  • Bob Loblaw: Asked Mellow Foreskin Cheese “is this your house?” When MFC said yes, he reportedly asked “do you have any condoms” (or condiments, we’re not sure). Before that, though, he apparently became frantic on trail, asking “is that a tick in my beer? Is that a tick in my beer?”

  • Forget Me Not: Leaving WH4 to go to Tennessee. Dude, if you hear banjoes, run like hell!

  • Mr. Softy and Nippon Tuck: Comparing bellies. I’m convinced that Mr. Softy is with child, and Nippon Tuck just needs to watch her beer consumption.

  • Dancing Lemon Turd: Discovering the wonders of the bag vehicle. No, God does not see fit to take care of the bags for us; we have to do it ourselves. What a miracle!

  • Horn Blower: For responding to the question “when is the beer mile?” with “I don’t know…Hey, when is the beer mile?”

  • Jack Off Lantern: For breaking the wooden fence he was attempting to climb on trail. He may look trim, but he’s a fat bastard in disguise.

  • Brew Crew: Always running out of dark beer. Don’t they know, once you go black you don’t go back?


There was plenty of other stupidity on trail, but I’m tired of typing all about it. If you weren’t there, you just missed it. That might be why I got violated for issuing too many violations.


Hash Shit Nominations:

  • Obeastiologist: Attempting to lose the hash shit in small enough pieces that no one would notice

  • Gay Guy Counter: For misidentifying Obeastiologist as Follow The Bleeder during a Hash Shit nomination.

  • Wax On Whacks Off: Creating a visual about Mellow Foreskin Cheese using a condom with Bob Loblaw (see violations).

  • Wax On Whacks Off: Using a camping trip scholarship as a cheap ploy in hopes of a threesome with Tit Ka Boob and the “lucky winner”.

  • Tri-Ass-A-Thong: Demonstrating a down down, while on the crapper as she was visible (through the window) to those outside Mellow’s house.

  • Read My Lips: Something about Hermaphrodites on Unicycles’ balls being on a website.


Your winner: Gay Guy Counter


Then it was time for a NAMING!!! We decided to name Just Kirstie before she made her way to the joint, the big house, the clink, or (as I like to call it) the pokey! Just Kirstie is a Med Student at George Washington, and looks forward to becoming a gynecological surgeon. The highlights of suggested names are as follows:

  • Hymen of the Universe

  • Conjugal Gang Bang

  • Juicy Goodness

  • Salad Tossing Prison Bitch

  • Dude, Where’s My Watch?

  • Staph Injection

  • Rosary Anal Beads

  • Duck and Cover

  • Hallowed Pound

But she shall be hence forth known as: Rosary Anal Beads


Those of us who went to the bar were informed later that we should have gone to Put It Out’s house, where there was reportedly a reasonable amount of hot tub harriette nudity. DAMMIT!

OnOn,

Gay Guy Counter


P.S. I’d better see some boobies next week!