#1125 May 13, 2007 Arlington Village

#1125 May 13, 2007, Arlington Village

Hares: It’s Butt F*ing Time, Chewbacca, Tit-ly Winks, Obeastiologist, Duck Duck Bush

Virgins: Just Aaron (single) and Just Tom (also single- hello ladies!!)

Visitors: Body Heat (Kazakstan) and CJ (San Diego)

Beer Bitch: Just Kevin

Brew Crew: Peter Cock-in-tail and Hungry Hungry Homo

Analversaries: It’s Butt F*ing Time (69 runs), And How’s Her Bush (169 runs)

Longtime No-seers: Panty Liner, Number 2, Is It In Yet, Put It Out, Hidden Assets, Poop Turkey, Rodeo F*ck, Follow the Bleeder, Underground Railroad

OnOnOn: L.A. Bar & Grill

It was an absolutely beautiful Mother’s Day and a whole bunch of freaky people met in a small corner park in Arlington Village and then ran away. Here’s what happened right after I properly appreciated your mom for mother's day:

We got lost. All kinds of turned around. Hashers went left…hashers went right, with no recognizable marks in sight. There were, however, many sets of 3 parallel lines that looked like this:


_______

_______

_______


Apparently Chewbacca felt it was his calling to infuse some culture into the hash by using hash marks from other kennels. Thank you for your concern Chewbacca, but here at WH4 we use an “X” to mark false trails. In case you forget we announce it at each opening circle.

Once on trail we came to a small creek crossing where we had to crawl under a chain link fence. In an act of chivalry Queerly I’m Straight pulled up the fence for all the harriettes. A seemingly kind act on the surface until we realized he just wanted to look down our shirts while we smelled his balls. Which smelled like Geogio Armnani since he bathed in a GA speed stick before and after the hash, initially it was an attempt to cover up the smell of your mom but later it was for finding potential new moms.

Tooth Fairy brought his dog who has a bad case of asthma so we could all savor in, what for him is a nightly experience of, being bared down upon by heavy breathing from behind. White Kane thought it would be a good idea to lick Woosh who was sweating out a ¼ keg of PBR on trail. Ever hear of “personal space” White Kane? And seriously White Kane stop dry humping my mom, dude that's not cool.

We must have crashed at least 27 Latino family reunions on this trail, including 4 leading into the first beer check, where Palm Pilot proceeded to take a leak in the patch of woods declared a “Reforestation Area.” The first beer check was poorly marked for walkers, fortunately Cocky was able to "hear beer" and promptly guided you mom and the walkers to beer.

We named Just Kevin Beer Bitch after a 30 minute wait for the walkers who decided to take their shot check a little early on the trail. We were on out to the second beer check when Obeastiologist knelt down to mark a check in front of a Latino grocery. Three men approached and asked him, in Spanish, “MS13?” To which he responded an enthusiastic “Yeah!” complete with “thumbs up.” Those of us behind him who understood enough Spanish quickly followed with “No! No MS13 here.”

We brought it home for a circle in the sun where even more of you wankers were violated (just like your Mom was this morning):

  • Just Tom: He was beat in to the 1st beer check by Bad Dog

  • Blows-A-Tranny & Cockadoodle Do Me: For having only “normal amounts” or sex on their vacation.

  • Obeastiologist: In an attempt to establish dominance in his house he had his dog neutered, now if only he can find a way to knock Titly out of the alpha position.
  • Just Casey: actually he didn't do anything we just wanted to get him drunk so he had a better chance with your mom.

Hash Shit Nominees:

  • Runway Snatch: 1 more week

  • Tooth Fairy: Boiling water on his stove to heat up his hot tub

  • Blows-A-Tranny: Not servicing his girlfriend

  • Obeastiologist: Trying to Join a Latino gang on trail

  • Bob Loblaw: Not defending himself against a harriette

An your winner: Obeastiologist

We had 2 namings today (Omg we had 2 namings. Is that like naming your Mom's left and right tit?):

Tit-ly Winks & Obeastiologist have been bringing their new pups to the hash lately and it was high time we named their older dog, Just Bridey. Suggestions included:

  • What Happens In My Pussy, Stays In My Pussy

  • Va-Giant

  • Home Is Where the Hole Is

  • Left My Pussy In Vegas

  • Hot Dog Hallway

And the winner is…Va-Giant! (Dude, so's your Mom's)

We also named Just Dorothy. She only been coming to the hash for about 9 months and I know this naming seems a little premature but we have a feeling she’ll be back. It seems that Just Dorothy is an alcoholic day care provider by day and a ballet dancing archaeologist by night. The pack was in rare form today, throwing out all kinds of crap names like:

  • Have You Seen My Nipples?

  • How Aren’t You Married?

  • Womb Raider

  • Vagina-Saurus-Sex

  • Ho-Ho-Ho

  • Cock Digger

  • Dirty Bones

  • There’s No Place Like Ho

  • Vaginal Gold Digging

  • Cunt-tortionist

  • Pussy Pliate (sp?)

  • Digs Dicks

  • Digs for Dead Cock

  • Deep Tissue

But the winner was…Raider of the Lost Box


Thank you hares for a great trail and Happy Mother’s Day!

On Out,

Double Header & Cockadoodle Do Me