#1114 - February 25, 2007

WH4 Trail #1114 – February 25, 2007 – Winter Wonderland

Location: Southern Ave Metro – Green Line

Hares: SuckYerDad, Test Tube Baby, Wooly Mammaries, and Gimme A Dick

OnOnOn: Gill’s Holiday Sports Liquor and Restaurant

Virgins: Just Jack off in the Box and Slutty McSlut

Visitors: LaTuFu, Glow Worm, and Little Cock that Won’t

Beer Bitch: Takes It Up the Eh

Analversaries: none.

Hash Shit: A Salt My Ass to Jack Off Lantern to A Salt My Ass

Signs a trail has potential to be “crazy” before it starts:

  1. The trail starts in PG County after Jack Frost unloads 5 inches of snow on the morons that inhabit the DC metro area.
  2. You’re a dude (Blows a Tranny) and you wake up spooning another dude (Bob LoBlaw) while a chick watches (Jack Off in the Box).
  3. It’s your birthday (Glow Worm).
  4. The hares are seen covered in blood (Test Tube Baby, SuckYerDad). Now if you’re a little turned on by people covered in blood then stop reading this immediately.
  5. A Hasher drink yellow snow, self manufactured, at the start of the trail in preparation (Little Cock That Won’t).
  6. The hares show up in a flex car after loosing the first car on trail (SuckYerDad).
  7. 40 dudes and 5 chicks show up to the hash (you do the math).
  8. The Walkers remain at the start next to the “beer van” (I use the term Beer Van loosely here because Shitty Shitty Bang Bang was trapped by the snow, so no van. And the beer had curdled) while the rest of the wankers venture off into the unknown depths of PG County.

Even after the clear warning signs, the trail started by taking everyone into the woods. And in typical fashion, Bob LoBlaw had to be pushed through a hole in the fence (eat less, fatty). The FRBs took off allowing everyone else to follow their footprints through thorns, rivers, mud, and a beaver damn. Now this part confuses me, with 40 dudes at the hash I would think one of them would have stopped to look for beavers here. No one did. However this expectation implied they had a collective IQ of at least 50 (hang on a sec while I lower my bar of expectations).

The beer check was punctuated with A Salt My Ass pantsed by Cock A Doodle Do Me sadly she didn’t find the pretzel that helped him earn his name and Glow Worm rubbing his blood on everything. I really don’t understand why more chicks don’t hash.

The trail ended discretely in an open parking lot next to a major highway behind a low fence and everyone circled up around the Flex car and substitute beervan. After Can’t Fuck Dust realized he should have stayed on the trail if he wanted a chance at getting some beaver and thus increasing his chances of getting laid, he started circle.

Violations as follows:

A Salt My Ass – Drank for his dad being too stupid to pull out.

Free Willy – paid in dimes. Seriously? You can’t even use dimes at the laundry mat. You know what $0.10 gets you today? Pregnant.

Texas T&A and Hokie No Pokie - decided to spicy up their love life by experimenting with a sled. The sled didn’t make it.

Bad Ditch – DFL, but only because she thought the trail started in DC and ran 9 miles before the hash.

Can’t Fuck Dust – borrowed a friends dog so he could get pussy.

Jack Off Lantern – Had 4 chicks naked and eager in his bedroom and watched them leave after he pulled out a condom from 1999.

Takes it up the Eh – Paid a little girl to watch her sled. Seriously, that’s a little pervy. Go to Craigslist and find a support group.

All the Harriettes - more efficient then 40 dudes drinking.

After said violations it was only logical that Jack Off Lantern receive not only the hash shit, but also a fresh pack of condoms. And seriously use the condoms. However JOL’s possession of the hash shit was brief since A Salt My Ass was present. After ASMA announce that his mom didn’t want to drive him around anymore and he need a ride, thus earning the temporary name Drive My Ass, JOL relinquished the hash shit.

Everyone went to the On After; danced, drank, ate fried food, scared the locals, shoved chicken up Bob LoBlaw’s butt, and did the worm across the floor. A typical end to a typical hash.

On Out,

Cock A Doodle Do Me