1084 - August 14, 2006

East Falls where? I thought Falls Church is the final stop before you fall off the edge of the Earth into the suburban abyss. Not only is East Falls Church dangerously close to outside of the diamond it is dangerously close to outside of the beltway. It is the land of soccer moms, manicured lawns, car tax, and good schools. I do not know what else goes on out there, but it is probably scary stuff.

I do not know anything about the first half of the trail either. I was late to the start. If trail was that important, you would have gone yourself and already know it was shitty. The reason I was late, not to point fingers, but if Please Step Away from the Whores had been doing his job and not boozing on trail there probably would not have been a Metro problem.

I managed to fund the walkers at a shot check. 3 Ring Cervix offered me a lush fruity drink, however Put It Out was not available. Pond Scrum filed a sexual deviance complaint against Jack Off Lantern. In the complaint Pond Scrum claims he was offered Just Sherman a drink out of a sippie cup. JOL asked if the sippie cup was a sex toy. Violation, I think not. One does not get named Jack Off Lantern for normal behavior.

In my opinion the image of Pond Scum hydrating Just Sherman with a sippie cup is a bit deviant in its own right. Further complicating the issue in a separate incident JOL’s colleague in brew crew Wookin Pa Nub asked if said sippie cup was a dildo. I will give you a moment to erase the mental image of what goes on in the beer van.

So back on the trail we strolled through the streets, parking lots, back yards of Falls Church. Shamrock Your Cock “got lost” on the walkers trail so she could do an environmental. Worse is she blamed Just Guinness. Shameful!

Of course we beer checked at Golden Showers new abode. And what a place it is. The house has a bush in the front and two manholes in the back. Hummm that reminds me of this movie I once saw.

You may have noticed our lovely beer bitch Just Devon did NOT wear the beer bitch apron on trail. Who is to blame? Rear End Loader, “Hey Just Devon I am going to have to ask you to remove the apron while we are doing the dirty.” Having a woman remove clothing is acceptable hash behavior. However Rear End Loader should have asked her to remove the apron AND her shirt so we could all enjoy.

Hares:
Bolo Head Rat
3 Ring Cervix
JAG Queen
Golden Showers
Motor Mouth*

*I have it on good authority that Motor Mouth did nothing to help his co-hares except talk about doing work. What did you expect?

Virgins
Just Jen
Just Jen
Just Amy
Just Julio

Long Time No Seers:
Manual Labor
Two Day Lay
Great Balls of Fire

Lessons Learned:
1. Falls Church is not really the edge of the Earth.

2. “An A to A’ start to end distance should be less than or equal to the distance you can hit a golf ball with a 5 iron.” – Wax on Whacks Off

Violations:
PSA for breaking the metro

Bolo – Late for his own trail. At least he was late and not pregnant.

Wooly Mammories – Imitating Winnie the Pooh while exiting the manhole

Sticky Throttle – Getting lost before he could get in the hole

Back Snatch – For celebrating the demise of his brother and the doubling of his inheritance.

Winn Dick Me – The tan is bad. Not bad in a fun Wang Chunks wife beater way. Bad in an upside down thermometer kind of way.

Hash Shit:
Suck Yer Dad – General desperation
Golden Showers - [insert your manhole joke as it fits]
Tit-Kaboob – Something about Tour De Jugs and a reversal of beer.

One more week, was the word from the crowd. Nice one(s) Tit-Kaboob!!!


Wisdom, advice, and words to live by:
Do not let Jackoff Lantern or Wookin Pa Nub anywhere near your dog’s sippy cup or your dog for that matter.

Suck Yer Dad is a desperate desperate man.

One Time at Hand Camp has a battery operated blowjob machine on his lanyard. Seriously.

Quotes:
Just Jen: Where do I go to pee?
Bend Over Rover: Go stand in line for the house next to the other hoes.

Suck Yer Dad: Why does my ass hurt, I have only been bent over for a couple of minutes.

Just Libby – Which beer in the van is IPA and which is Sam Adam’s?

Cleo Pap Smear (about Golden Showers) – I have a big mouth and I had a hard time getting it in.

Cleo Pap Smear – Psssh these little beads are for newbies only.

Wax On Whacks Off – “When it comes to love and work I am 0-2. Just ask Tit-Kaboob.”
Tit-Kaboob – “Wowo? He and I are no longer on speaking terms.”

Announcements:
Cherry Poppins is having a 2 for $10 sale