1083 - August 7, 2006

1083- 07/07

Hares: Cock-a-doodle-do-me, Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack, Just Alli, Just Todd and Just Emmanuel
Start: Grosvenor/Strathmore Metro
OnOnOn: Hank Dietle’s Tavern
Virgins: Just Angela and Just Dave
Visitors: Ruby Boobies, Armadildo, Juris Prudence, Shake Johnny, Just Mark
Beer Bitch: Just Mike

So there we were. We couldn’t believe that everyone had showed up to run at the same place in Maryland and sing some dirty songs. It was magical. Like Jesus.

Anyways, so Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack had obviously been practicing his version of Father Abraham for many weeks as he finally was able to get it right. And he did. Too bad he couldn’t teach his other hares. But then we went off for 2 miles of shigtastic water, brush, bushes, trees, fields and tunnels of joy. We got to the beer check on top of a parking garage, where at least 2 of the hares (who will remain nameless) were caught taking the elevator to their own beer check. It was at that point that Tapped 3 Times came running in super late. He found trail after needing to change out of his scrubs from work, and somehow caught up with us.

We set off from the beer check after naming Just Mike to be our beer bitch, and found some nice pavement pounding to a shot check. No one knows what the shot was, but no one cared. Put It Out was seen hanging around the check to keep doing extra shots. Commendable hash behavior. Then it was on in to Cocky’s back yard for a special circle.

There were, as per usual, some violations:

Snap Crackle Poop impersonated a dip stick by going into the water shiggy up to his neck when the rest of the pack just went ankle deep.

Two lips impersonated a wrecking ball by sliding down a slope and taking out two other hashers

Please Step Away From The Whores couldn’t afford to leave the metro garage even with his employee discount.

Red River Runs Through It couldn’t remember the lyrics to “5,4,3,2,1 Wear It”

Obeasteologist was training for some sort of running thing and ended up at a bar. I’m not sure why this was a violation, but it seemed reasonable at the time.

Tapped 3 Times was hashing with some of our visitors earlier this year, took a dump on trail, and wiped with fiberglass. Enough said.

Then we had the occasion for a naming! It was time to get Just Heather a name as she is a fiery redhead with almost 1 and a half years of hashing under her very tight belt. She loves stallions and loves it up the ass. She went to University of Maryland and is a geneticist.

Here are some of the shitty names you folks came up with:
DNA: dildo in ass
Black Door
Looking For A Large Brownie
Fill Myspace
Myspace Is My Ass
Pooper Trooper
Jessica Rabbit
Saturday Night Beaver

But when push came to shove, and we pushed very slowly, she became known as Cherry Poppins.

Titly Winks led us in a rousing rendition of Swing Low and then we went to the bar. I’m pretty sure no one got laid.