1077 - July 24, 2006

WH4 #1077 – July 24, 2006 - Crystal City Metro
Hares: Jack Off Lantern, Double Header, Read My Lips and Slurpee
Well, kiddies, it’s that time again. “What time,” you ask? Time to read up on your favorite slackers and wankers who’ve embarrassed themselves enough to make it into print. Were you one? (If not, shame on you!)
The trail started typically enough with a gaggle of lost wankers looking for direction. Unfortunately, Mismanagement had all conveniently “forgotten” to show up, so Hokie No Pokie had the honor of being your RA/GM/Hab/part-time Scribe/general fluffer and beer-drinker-upper. He briefly introduced the virgins to us. Then he introduced our visitors: Elvira, Sodom-E, Piece of Chum, Chewbacca, and 2 Dumb 2 Die. Welcome! So there we were all in one place until someone told us to run somewhere else. And we did. And there was much rejoicing.
The trail was well laid, and particularly easy to follow. This was mostly due to a very confused Jack Off Latern who instead of utilizing the traditional system of checks and solutions performed the rarely seen and much maligned haring style know as FRB. It’s not too hard to solve the trail when you lead us right through the checks, dumbass!
The evening heat lingered on, so the Hares, in their deep concern of Hasher welfare, led us through a delightfully refreshing swim. Of course no hash swim would be complete without Hepatitis, so they picked a serene crossing with pleasing sights and sounds for all the senses only feet from the Waste Water Treatment Plant. Being smarter than you average hare, they even picked a spot where shorter wankers would have to swim as it was too deep. Being vertically challenged myself, I got the opportunity to shove my face in and was overjoyed at the subtle and piquant fecal tones you just don’t find in bottled water anymore.
After a refreshing dip in Turd Lake, I was ready for a drink. So off I went, after the pack to the Beer Check. Unfortunately, there was some confusion on where the damn thing was. The hares, in their infinite wisdom, had laid a True Trail mark right into a BT not 150 yards from the real Beer Check. You hare may want to read up on the Rules of The Road…Anyway, Just Frank became our Beer Bitch, (Nice work, Frank – good, strong hands. Someone get that boy a penis.) and the beer flowed like wine.
Thereafter, we hashed more and sang more and, if memory serves, picked up a wanker mid-trail who will apparently become a new transplant soon. Either that or maybe it was about potting plants? Or pot? These things get very confusing.
The ending circle went well – no one died until later – and there were many wonderful violations and annalversaries which I will summarize for you now:

Long Time/No See’ers –
Assume the Position, Cleopapsmear, Egotesticle, Friendly Thighs, Pubic Housing, T3, Turtle Dick, White
Cane, and 3-2-1-F*ck Off
Violations –
WinDickMe – Stole the Scribe’s sacred notes from his pocket without the courtesy of a reach-around
Follow the Bleeder and Test Tube Baby – Racing to the Beer Check
Just Dave – band-aid nipples on the Walker’s Trail!
Fuck’em Dano/Turtle Dick – Dano hid Turtle Dick behind a white, windowless rape van and proceeded to watch him change clothes post-coitus…..um….I mean, post-hash.
P.I.O. – Accused of having a turquoise stick. This begs the question, “Which boy had the turquoise
lipstick?”
SnatchShot – overheard on trail saying she woke up in a strange place with paint all over her tongue. I always knew Sherman Williams was a good man….
Annalversaries –
Bolo Head Rat – 169th Hash. Get a life!
Read My Lips – Happy 42nd Birthday, Fuck You!

Yours in Hasherly Love,
Tapped Three Times