1076 - July 17, 2006

Hares: Blows a Tranny & French Toasted
Start: Eisenhower Metro
OnOnOn: Ted’s Montana Grill
Virgins: No virgins, just a lot of whores.
Visitors: Sore Throat, Cumming Soon, Just Phillip, Keeps on Cumming, Hermaphrodites on Unicycles, and Jaws
Beer Bitch: Keeps on Cumming

Let it be said that 07/17/06 is the day that Satan actually looked to earth and said, “Holy shit, it’s hot up there. We could learn from that.” With temperatures pushing 100 degrees what could be better than a 6 mile trail through tons of shaggy and a shot check? The editor wishes to note that nothing could be better than this. The hares led the pack off over hill and under dale, through tunnels where we were led by the guiding force of Marco Homo, across lots of water, and through fields of fun. The runners made it to a fun shot check and then on to the beer check. The beer check was especially fun as the hares spent a lot of time searching for a location with stagnant water and biting flies. The walkers were especially happy to get there. From the beer check we headed out and headed under the freeway to start our circle.

There were a few violations.

New shoes (do you people ever learn?): Tooth Fairy, Sore Throat, Cumming Soon

The Hares (Blows a Tranny & French Toasted): Marked their trail in uncolored flour, hence engaging in cocaine culture. Spend the first 30 steps with the flour and feeling wonderful, spend the rest of the trail associating with degenerates and looking for more flour. That and they didn’t tell us anything whatsoever about the trail in the circle.

Slurpee: For loudly proclaiming that she “gets nervous when things get soft.” We all do honey.

All Lickie No Dickie and Hokie No Pokie: For having an extended conversation about the virtues of watersports.

Hermaphrodites on Unicycles – robbed a grave of an angel, then broke the angel.

Mellow Foreskin Cheese – for wearing so much wicking material on the walkers trail he might as well have been a tampon.

Late Night Drive Through – for offering anal sex but not following through with it.

Jackoff Lantern – For wearing technology on trail.

Wookin Pa Nub, Motor Mouth, & One Time At Hand Camp – for playing brokeback hopscotch on the way in as the frbs.

Chasing the Beast – for being felcharific.

We had some people who don’t come to our hash enough. They were: Gimme a Dick, Fuck ‘em Dano, Tooth Fairy, Senor Doucheberg, and Chasing the Beast

Some people come too often: Please Step Away From The Whores finally had 150 walks under his belt.

Our hash shit made an appearance. After many nominations the hash gave it to Blows a Tranny for being a pavement pounder and knowing it. And being proud of it. Also, he made the trail so long that most of us missed the OnOnOn.

Finally, we had a brief naming. As some of you all know when two hashers get married we give them a married name. Usually it’s something along the lines of “nevergettofuckagain” but this time, with Rocket Socket and Orgasm ‘Til It Stops (OTIS) we named them Rocket Orgasm. Quick and painless.

Then we went to various bars and tried to get laid in various types of ways.