1075 - July 10, 2006

Location: Tenleytown
On On On: The Malt Shop
Hares: Put it out, Snap crackle poop, pay per view
Virgins: Just Jessica, Just Dan, Just Joe
Visitors: Norwegian Wood

Off the pack went after a surprisingly coordinated rendition of Father Abraham. The hares left us a brightly marked trail to follow through neighborhoods, across fields, through children’s games, and up and down stairs. Surprisingly, no one got lost in the highly dangerous gentrified area surrounding American University. Surprisingly, Hokie No Pokie remaind fully in tact through the entire trail.

We got to the beer check behind a Frank Lloyd Wrong house where it was later discovered that Pay Per View had run Put it Out’s truck (the bag vehicle) off the road. Pay per view has since learned that off roading is best left to areas near Bentonville, VA.

We left the beer check and headed on in past a lovely free concert. Then it was time to get drunk and start circle, which our lovely Titly Winks ran with reckless abandon.

Some people never learn on trail, hence there were some violations:

Underground Railroad - New shoes.
Motormouth – The hash found out that he keeps a ridiculous amount of shoes in his hash bag and couldn’t decide which matched his running shorts the best, hence his footwear fetish was in full action.
Obeasteologist – Couldn’t stop talking about his scat fetish. Has a forbidden love of tubgirl.
Titly Winks & Double Header (Sharon Peters) – couldn’t remember that there was a naked hash at the camping trip. Also couldn’t remember that they were hareing it.
Texas T & A – Needed a boost from Hokie No Pokie to jump a hip high fence.

Some people just stay away too long. Something tells me Wang Chunks should shower more:

Poop Turkey
Tipper Whipper
George Stuff An Octopus
Beaver Whack
Dumb Blonde (who after a number of years finally got his 100th run mug)

Thank the lord, our hash shit returned. Titly Winks was in possession of it and offered it up for consideration. Without further adieu, the nominations were as follows:
Wang Chunks – for wearing the same clothes to every hash for the last month
Dumb Blonde – for whining about getting his run mug after only 2 years of waiting
Hokie No Pokie – for being Hokie

Ultimately, the hash decided that Titly Winks would be lonely without a hash shit, so she got to keep it for one more week.

Then, and only then, did we have a naming. Just David finally had his comeuppance and we thought it would be best to call him something dirty.

We were reminded that Just David works as an IT Guy, loves to 69 (liar, no one loves to 69), last had sex 4 months ago, and has a thing for sheep at an edge of a cliff (they push back). His most embarrassing moment was when his high school girlfriend’s grandmother walked in on he and his girlfriend doing something. I assume they were playing yahtzee.

We were also told the story about when Double Header (Sharon Peters) used to date Just David and after giving her a money shot that John Holmes would be proud of he grabbed a handful of pubes from the nightstand drawer only to throw them on her face, making her Abe Lincoln.

The hash was also reminded that he had a girlfriend with a double wide trailer.

And most importantly, we were reminded that he injured himself in an attempt to be Hokie No Pokie, and had to wear an eye patch for a while.

Therefore these names were suggested:

Can I Work On Your Motherboard
Hardware Failure
Dirty Pirate Whore
Lincoln Log Jam
And a bunch of other crappy names.

But ultimately, the hash decided that forever more he shall be known as: Arrrrgh, Quiver Me Member

Circle was ended, people got drunk and went to the bar, then they tried to get laid. It was pathetic watching some of them try. Your trash lesson of the day, should you read this far: TRY HARDER.