1067 - May 14, 2006

Your Mother's Gay Hash

Hares: Semen on the Pew, Can't F*ck Dust, A Red River Runs Through It, Rear
End Loader
Start: 14th St NE and Maryland Ave
OnOnOn: The Argonaut
Virgins: Just Tania, Just Jocelyn, Just Elsbeth
Visitors: Rash (Ben Franklin Mob, Philly), Jisonme Hendrix (someplace else)

[in memoriam]

The pack was small on this rainy, bleak Sunday afternoon. One line of thinking assumes that most wankers were off paying respects to the women who nursed them through infancy. Or, more likely, they were still nursing themselves from a Saturday that hosted several Bacchanalian extravagances. Yet another theory suggests that some wankers were scared away by the fact that hares witnessed a shooting when they scouted trail in this neighborhood.

Despite these impediments, there was enough of a showing to hash and hash we did. There was even flour. Well, until the rain started. The trail started off across the street from Checkers. That's about all I remember. I'd normally use the hash flash photos here to jog my memory, but apparently Test Tube Baby's camera memory got its own jogging in the rain. Crap!

Well, uh, so we ran down some streets and then past some houses. I think there was a hill or two. We ended up behind an apartment building where SCFC attempted a coup in Titly Winks absence. God looked down upon this and saw that it was bad and caused the heavens to open up and pour forth as it was written in the Bible. (Well, my illustrated version anyway.) Beer check complete, the runners' trail wandered around for a few blocks to kill some distance while the walkers strolled on home.

At the ending circle SCFC made another failing attempt at past glory. We circled up under the threat of rain and thunder. We welcomed virgins Just Tania who was made to come by her sister On-ya Vania. They're both Brazilian. No, not down there, but down THERE (South America). Just Jocelyn was there w/ sister Just Jessica and dog Just Rosie. Jackoff Lantern brought Just Elsbeth who has a name that is very difficult for a scribe to spll.

For Sale Or Rent and Grab Bag got a chance to show the virgins how to do a down-down. This was supposed to be an admonishment for holding a private party in circle, but served as more of a reward. Who gives out beer for punishment? The virgins managed to figure things out anyway. The RA was the one having trouble. First, he forgot to call the hares in, then he forgot to give the virgins nicknames, and finally, he forgot about the penis and vagina galleries. Send him back to the minor leagues (note to any federal agents reading this web page. This reference to minors is not a violation under USC 70053.69 and is in fact in reference to the structure of training teams for Major League Baseball. It in no way implies that the author is involved in activities with under-age women or animals. Even if there is grass on the field.)

The visitors came. Then they entered the circle for recognition. Rash was in town for the previous night's FMH3 Bach-a-Nail-Ya Wine Hash. She hashes with the Ben Franklin Mob. Then there was Jisonme Hendrix from somewhere else, but he wasn't as hot as Rash so I stopped paying attention. Bundling Board came out as well. Or maybe that was as a long time no seer. He's always trying to grab some attention. Speaking of long time no seers, there were a ton. It's like people think they have lives outside of the hash.

Finally we came to violations:

• Moist Sushi showed up at the hash with numbers all over her arms and legs. My theory has it that she was a bar the night before and couldn't find a matchbook so she offered the guys a grease pencil and various body parts. Either that or she was racing. Both are violations according the Uniform Code of Malarkey Justice.
• Moist Sushi pimped herself out even more by tagging SSBB with a giant "MS". Someone pointed out that these were also gang initials and that Beauty Parlor had also been tagged. Well, if that's the case, at least both vans are now in the same gang so we don't need to bring out the Jets and the Sharks for a rumble.
• I Dream of Weenie was seen running while holding her butt. I don't know what this was about, but it's better than her husband Yellow Submarine who was home with the Italian-Irish flu (that's when you get sick on wine and try to make yourself better with beer).
• Hokie No Pokie tried shopping for used computer parts on a street corner. Yet another thing you can find on a corner that can give you a virus.
• Semen on the Pew got violated for wearing shorts that were twice as long as any other pair he owns. The rest of the hares got dragged in for this one as well.