1064 - April 23, 2006

3rd Annual Earth Day Hash
Start: Lubber Run Park, Arlington, VA
Hares: Lumber JackOff, Ivy Licker, Special Head Kid
Virgins: Just Ryan (who apparently thinks the hash is a Clash
Concert), Just James, Just Suzanne, and Just Kim
Visitors: Manhole Muncher (Santa Cruz H3) & Brewdog (Newcastle H3)
Beer Bitch: Just Tom

Another perfect Sunday for a hash. Everyone got there right on time,
pursuant to an e-mail rant from a few months ago. Everyone, that is,
except the hares, who were still laying trail at 3:30. Eventually we
got to our wonderful rendition of Father Abraham, complete with a
special "Save the Earth" version of "Heave-ho".

Out we went, there were checks, there was shaggy, and man was the
first half long. But apparently, as the hares told me, in keeping
with the theme of "Reuse, Reduce, Recycle" the hares reduced their
effort by reusing and recycling the trail from years past.

We went over shaggy, through neighborhoods, and through a park to a
wonderful beer check. And we rejoiced. And it was good.

After a quick jaunt back on trail the walkers and runners got
confused. Either the walkers have aspirations for greatness, or the
runners have few aspirations. I'm not sure which it is.

Then we had a circle.

Golden Showers taught our virgins and hares how to do a down down.
Apparently, he had been practicing across the pond.

Our virgins drank and our visitors told and showed us some jokes.

Violations:

Golden Showers: Mr. Showers showed up in a cowboy hat, boots, and at
one point he might have had chaps on with no pants underneath. He
apparently thinks the hash is the second coming of Bareback Mountain.

Put it Out and Slipknot for racism. Mind you Slipknot was a full fledged racist in he was still wearing his race number from earlier that day. Let this be a lesson to you- being a racist will get you drunk.

Pond Scrum and the Brew Crew: Apparently Pond Scrum fell asleep during
the parking section of drivers ed. Even after a 14 point turn he
still couldn't get SSBB in her space.

JoJo the lemur: JoJo thinks it's fun to be polyamerous at the hashes.
Apparently he learned something at the Crucible. Normally this would
be acceptable hash behavior, except that he gave Hokie No Pokie a
brown shower.

Rear End Loader: For getting a lap dance the previous evening at the
Full Moon Beauty pageant and complaining about it. Fagnostic will not
stand for this.

Read My Lips and 3 Ring Cervix: For ruining a foil cutter on a screw
top bottle of wine.

Motor Mouth: For giving Just Tom a Bob Costas play by play of Motor
Mouth giving some chick the shocker.

This led to Just Tom's violation for letting Motor Mouth get laid
before himself.

We had some long time no see-ers. Jimmy Hendrix, 3-2-1 Fuck Off, All
the hares, and Wrong Diagnosis.

We also had some harrierettes represent in Boston with the WH4 Cheer.
When they won up in Boston they all wore Sailor Moon outfits, but we
just got them in their nasty running clothes. This didn't stop Piss
in Boots, Are You In, and Double Header for attempting to repeat the cheer for us. Including Piss in Boots forgetting that the cheer is not the same thing as an ultimate cage match.

It was then time to celebrate our second place winner in the Beauty
Pageant from the previous evening. Motor Mouth put on his dress for
us and showed us how a she male stroker really gets his/her groove on.

After all this it was time for the naming. Just Tom had been thrown
back just a few weeks prior, so this time it was time to get some good
dirt on him. We were reminded of when Just Tom was on some
shocker-rific rafting trip with Motor Mouth and he fell in to a fire.
We were also reminded that Just Tom got a hickey on his knob when
hooking up with some chick.

Furthering Just Tom's abilities, he tried to get in on a ménage a
trios (that's threesome to you non French-speakers), and the girls
wouldn't let him in. It was suggested that he tried looking more like
Motor Mouth at the Beauty Pageant, but Just Tom was having none of it.

Then was the story that took the cake. Just Tom got so drunk in a bar
that he went to make a deuce in the bar bathroom. Too drunk to wipe
he used his hands. To drunk to find his way out the door he felt
around all the walls, stall, and everywhere, making little poop
turkeys for all to see.


Henceforth and forever more, throughout the world of hashing Just Tom
is now known as Poop Turkey.

We closed the circle with a beautiful rendition of Swing Low and
headed to the on on on at Bailey's.