1058 - March 12, 2006

A Farewell to Marms
Hares: Can't Find Pussy In a Haystack, Fagnostic, Richie-Cum-In-Hand, 3rd Base Cootch
Start: Silver Spring Metro Station
OnOnOn: Galaxy Billiards
Virgins: Just Dan, Just Jeff
Visitors: Furry Taco, Ding-Dong
Beer Bitch: Just Fran

[pictures]

With GM Wang Chunks out of town on "bidness" (watching the Red Sox in spring training), lowly harerazor Hokie No Pokie saw an opportunity to step in and try to usurp power. You want it? You got it. My guess is that Wang saw the opportunity to flee and took it. Has anyone seen him yet?

The pack circled up near Silver Spring Metro and got to listen to Hokie and the hares on the details of the day's trail. These were diligent hares. They chose to mark the trail in not one, but two colors (orange AND blue) of flour. They blamed it on DCH4 having a trail there the previous day, but we know the truth about these overachieving, masochist bastards.

The first half of trail led us out of the nicely re-developed center of Silver Spring and on into a residential area. We hit a ball field where some young girls were playing soccer. The trail rounded the field, but Put It Out, using his pedo-sense, figured it made more sense to cut across the field and through the young girls playing the game. Someone check the old man's eyes. Yes, there was grass on the field, but they were clearly too young for him to play with.

Surprisingly, Dumb Blonde was able to observe PIO's gratuitous shortcutting through the massive shiner adorning his right eye. He tells us he now knows the correct answer to "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?". Way to go Transparent D's!

After disrupting the soccer game, the trail ran on down a hill and into a creekbed park. Over the river and through the woods, to the BC we went. It was just like that song about Grandma's house, but without the dildos and ballgags.

Just Fran had the opportunity to fulfill his weekslong dream when he became beer bitch today at the BC. Many of you will remember Just Fran from last week. He is the one who fell in the creek(s) last week at Grosvenor. Somewhere between two hours after that trail and seven days later at this one, he managed to get the rest of the mud off of his face.

At the BC, my various confidential informants outed their closest friends and acquaintenances. Double Header had apparently been making out with a leper colony (a full week before St. Patricks Day!) and it turned her neck green. Put It Out asked Hokie No Pokie about the slightly used sex toy he mentioned in this week's hareline announcement. Hokie, ever so slightly confusing the slightly used sex toy with the well-used (we hope) girlfriend, replied that Are You In? was in New Mexico visiting family.

Pseudo-virgin Just Jeff outed himself by explaining that this wasn't actually his virgin hash. Apparently he first came to the FMH3 brewfest a few weeks earlier at the suggestion of his friend Just Allan. So Just Jeff showed up and Just Allen stood him up. Just Jeff was understandably annoyed by this behavior and suggested that we punish Just Alan by making him give Just Jeff a piggy-back ride for the rest of trail. Ummm, right. Hey, maybe you two should check out the DC "Men's" Hash. They run on Saturdays.

We spent a good bit of time at the BC. Spinal Tap had long enough to weave himself a wreath of evergreen boughs. I don't know what practical purpose these sorts of skills have, but Hasher Humper still keeps the old guy around.

After the BC, the pack ran across the street and up the hill IN CLEARLY THE WRONG DIRECTION. Or, at least, so thought your scribe who went in an apparently different wrong direction and learned once again that sometimes shortcuts are not "short". But the walker's trail usually is, so I found my way back to the OnIn in some parking garage. As the hash koan says, if something happens on the second half of trail and the scribe wasn't there to see it, did it really happen? The answer is "yes" because I have spies everywhere.

The pack took a few minutes to feast on the most excellent snacks and beer served by our snack bitch and brew crew. Then Tit-lyWinks circled everyone up. She brought in the hares and Put It Out led everyone in a round of "The LolliPop Guild" from "The Wizard of Oz" to celebrate the little people (presumably leprechauns) who left all the tiny check marks on trail.

The Virgins stepped in and we had a second opportunity to meet Just Dan and Just Jeff. Just Dan, who earlier took five minutes to decide that "God" made him come, now decided that he made himself come. Does this mean that Just Dan=God? Ladies? We have a theological question that demands research. Pseudo-virgin Just Jeff was no long special now that we know he gave his cherry to FMH3. And he never did get that piggyback ride from Just Alyn.

Our Visitors came in to collect their schwag from Tit-ly Winks. Ding-Dong was transplanting from Maputo, Mozambique, but actually he's Irish. Furry Taco was in town from Atlanta.

There some additional violations called out in circle.

• Fagnostic for an over-abundance of wicking material. He was so good at pulling moisture and wetness from crevices that he could have served as a tampon.
• Slip Knot couldn't resist the urge to show up wearing yet another racing shirt and also finally got violated for flipping off the RA from the week before.
• Snap, Crackle, Poop hit a post while on the walker's trail and then managed to pull his nuts up just high enough to avoid the fire hydrant he straddled next.
• Bad Dog, still wielding the MVH3 Hash Shit, came into the circle to call out someone else and ended up getting busted for stuffing a week's supply of Slim Jim's into his sock. Is that to make the Slim Jim's taste better or make your feet smell better?

• Bad Dog was nominated for carrying around his sock full of meat.
• Hokie No Pokie was nominated for confusing his girlfriend with a slightly used sex toy (easy mistake)
• Snap, Crackle, Poop for something involving a pearl necklace
• But, in a surprise victory, Put It Out reclaimed the hash shit after losing it just two weeks ago. It seems Put It Out really does have a thing for little girls. When he found the creek on the second half of trail, he didn't want to get his shoes wet and struck a deal with I'Doer to carry him across and keep his feet dry. And she did it! (A demonstration was requested and provided to ensure the accuracy of these statements.)