1056 - February 26, 2006

Hares: Sucks Cock for Crack (In absentia), Prophogalactic, Cocktoberfest
Start: Little Falls Mall, MD
OnOnOn: China Pavillion
Virgins: Just Fran, Just Alexis
Visitors: Ibo Ibo
Beer Bitch: Just Oscar
Brew Crew: Duck Duck Bush, Knee Deep Pussy High

Not that any hash is exactly "normal", but this one was interesting. Let's start with Sucks Cock for Crack who helped lay trail in the morning and then caught a flight to Utah leaving his co-hares, Prophogalactic and Cocktoberfest, to fend for themselves. Then even stranger Hokie was in charge. That's right Hokie was GM while Wang Chunks is out of town. Suprisingly, the hash did not implode or even hurt itself. Plus, it was so cold the scribe had two pens die during the trail.

While the hash waited for the trail to start we were standing around admiring Butt F*cking Time's lovely pants that had a row of rhinestones that looked like she had put on with her Beadazaler. We also heard Follow the Bleeder remark that he was "f*cked by the rainbow" last night. At a party the night before HerShe Kisses set up a lovely lineup of jello shots in a whole rainbow of colors and Bleeder was the only one that took her challenge. He lost and apparently missed his stop on the Metro and ended up at the end of the line. Rainbows will do that to you.

We had two virgins though only one of them made it to the opening circle. Just Fran had hashed with DCH3 the day before and decided to keep going on a hash streak. Back Snatch brought his younger sister, Just Alexis, to the hash, but to try and keep the hashers away from her, he and Hail Mary Full Jizz showed up late to the hash.

We had one "visitor", Ibo Ibo, who has hashed with us before and is currently hashing with Dirt Road. If you're wondering what the hell his name means well hold on until we get to the violations.

The trail was marked in blue anthrax and immediately headed down into a parking garage. The hares were nice enough to take us right through a big puddle of grease too so that we could slip and slide through the garage. Semen on the Pew discovered a detour that took us down along a drainage ditch to a bike path. After nearly getting run over by multiple bikers the pack figured out which way trail went after a big back check. Parts of the pack were up on true trail while the lazy (smart) wankers waited for the pack to come back down. The pack ran through a cool vaulted tunnel. The pack started getting really sick of running down the bike path and seeing all of these great trails we could be running on instead. The hares helped us with that. After a big f*ck you loop which WOWO had a few comments about we ended up retracing our steps except this time running on the cool trails near the bike path. Oh well.

Two Lips almost killed Monday Sticky Monday trying to short cut part of this loop. He and Monday apparently spotted SSBB and 2Lips pointed out that it was really close. All they had to do was climb down this cliff. Monday made 2Lips go first and he skidded down on his butt and almost took a huge chunk of concrete down with him. Monday came running down after him. They survived but not for lack of trying. The rest of the pack in slightly better shape then those two stumbled into the beer check a little bit later.

Just Oscar was elected Beer Bitch and Bleeder sang him a song. Tit-ly sent the walkers on out of the beer check "early" and then the runners were on out about 30 seconds later. This lead to the embarrassing situation of the walkers almost catching the runners at the first check. The pack ran all over a neighborhood terrorizing residents and visitors alike (actually this didn't happen, it was too frigging cold and none of the residents or visitors were even outside). The pack finally descended back into shiggy though it was a chinese variety with bamboo everywhere. We finally found a creek and a true trail up into a tunnel. When I say "up", I mean this tunnel was nearly vertical. Plus it was made of brick and large holes were missing where the bricks had been swept out in rainstorms similar to the one during Wang Chunks trail last summer. Plus, it had water in it and a variety of pipes. One of the more interesting tunnels we've been through. There was no running through this sucker because as Back Snatch found out there were also head hazards to avoid. Hokie, suprisingly, made it through without injury. In fact, shortly after the tunnel he was even seen jumping gracefully from rock to rock in a streambed without falling. There was a bit more trail after this and then we popped up on a road right next to the beginning and SSBB was spotted once more.

Back Snatch was patched up using the Hokie repair kit. After digging past the ball gags, handcuffs, dog collars, and RUN?s butt plug from the Holiday Party, band aids and alcohol were found for Back Snatch. Tit-ly got the circle started pretty quickly so that we weren't all frozen. After getting the hares to demonstrate the proper down-down technique to the virgins, we got down to business and it was amusing and it was good and I didn't write any of it down.
So why don't we just move on to violations:
Semen on the Pew was commended for wearing pants instead of his usual short shorts.
The hares were also commended for keeping trail near Sibley Hospital just in case Hokie injured himself again.
Tit-ly was brought in for being overheard saying at the beer check, "Why don't people remind me I have things to do."
Two Lips was called in for having a lot of dirt all over the rear of his pants and looking like he'd had an "accident".
Turbo, Just Turbo, Nothing Else, was called in for dressing up her dog in her clothes and for looking like she was wearing her dog during the circle.
Obeastiologis or The T is Silent or Obeseologist, whatever he's called pulled a Hokie trying to climb over some bamboo.
Back Snatch rearranged his forehead in the last tunnel on some large piece of concrete dangling down into the tunnel.
The Beer Bitch Just Oscar was called out for being too modest and covering his lovely apron with his jacket. I was told you could still see his junk from under the jacket though. I was trying not to look.
RUN? was heard saying that she could have used a speculum in that last tunnel.
Ibo Ibo told Bow Chicka Bow Bow instead of some harriette that his name means "a french tickler" in Japanese.
At the same party that broke Bleeder the night before there happened to be a stripper pole in the basement. Just Meg looked at the pole and kind of looked confused and walked demurely up to it. Then went into what looked like a well practiced routine. 2Lips asked her where she learned to do that and she said, "Wouldn't you like to know?" So she was violated for all that.
Tri-Ass-A-Thong was violated for something but my second pen was dying at this point.
HerShe Kisses was called out for changing into hardly any clothes with shoes that the Wicked Witch of the East would have been jealous of.

The circle ended quickly after that and everyone headed to the bar where it was nice and warm.

OnOn, Big Bang