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#1265, August 24, 2009

Hares: 3Holer, Bob Loblaw, Knee Deep, Louisville Sucker
Virgins: Just Katelyn
Visitors: Sweetness - Tbilisi, Georgia, Snake Charmer - Bonn, Germany, The Banker Bitch - Sin City H3, Red Snapper - Tbilisi, Georgia, Exposed Inner Thigh - Tbilisi, Georgia, Borat - Madrid, Withdrew Early - Tbilisi, Georgia
Beer Bitch: Just Tim

Once again, WH4 ventured south to run a trail starting at Franconia-Springfield station. Ordinarily, a trail that far south of our nations capital might not draw much of a crowd, but apparently we were far enough south to draw half of our pack from Georgia. Wait a minute. I'm just being informed that this is not the state of Georgia, but the country. Wow, we were really far from civilization. The pack gathered to celebrate the imminent departure of one of our RA's, Jefe Lengua. It seems that Jefe won himself an all-expense paid trip to spend a whole year in Korea! Without his wife! Dude, I'd have gone for the new car. Sorry about your luck on that one. Anyway, the hares broke promises early by using 4 hares to pre-lay their 3-hare live trail. Never trust the hares to tell you the truth. Never trust a big butt and a smile, either, I'm told. Anyway, the pack engaged in some ridiculous behavior, and you should be reminded of it. You know what they say about learning from the past. On On to violations.

Violations:
The Banker Bitch - Overachieving by running (and winning) the walker's trail.
Jefe Lengua - Going to Korea so he'll feel a bit taller.
3 Holer - Got really excited about a fireman's pole.
Ocean Spray - Suggested that guy on guy on guy was better than guy on guy on dog. What kind of porn have you been watching?
Just Jamie - Fantasized at the on in about showing off her 13" black cock.
Wednesday - Overheard explaining that blowing on the head didn't make it go down. Yeah, that's not how they operate.
Tranny in Training - Enjoyed the cookies at the on in so much that he said he should offer his gratitude with jizz in the ear of whoever brought them.

Hash Shit:
Jefe Lengua had it, and we gave it to Bob Loblaw for starting and immediately breaking the tradition of icing someone with the commode found on trail.

And then, we named Just Nick. He apparently didn't want to see any tits, because every time there was an opportunity to ask, he did not, and every time there was an opportunity to see, he couldn't be bothered to look. Just Nick's favorite cereal is Lucky Charms, he prefers sheep, and he wants to use a mirror to see himself taking a girl from behind. Did I forget to mention that after a night of hard drinking, Just Nick tends awake to find himself in a puddle of his own piss? Yeah. He does. So we offered the following suggestions.

Piss N Boots
Baby Shower
I don't like Tits
Piss N Wake Up
Not in the Face
IP My Dress
Mirror Man

But we named him...Urine Idiot.

That's all the news that's fit to print. So, until the next time I'm inclined to waste an afternoon at work by writing the trash.

On On,
Gay Guy Counter

Hash #1246

White House Hash House Harriers Trail #1227
Location: Tyson's Corner/McLean
Hares:
And Hows Her Bush, No Name Nyet, Lube me Up Scotty, Holy F*ck
Visitors: Too Good to Swallow, Hindu Kush Hash H3, Just Kaye, Dallas/Ft Worth H3 (brought by WTF is my Name)
Virgins: Just Karey, brought by Mount My Rear
Long Time No Seers: Standard Deviant, Chewbacca, It's Butt Fucking Time, Winn-Dick-Me/Roof Rack, Nuclear Jism, Holy F*ck, Lube Me Up Scotty, Corn in the Cock
Beer Bitch: Just Tomm

For the second trail of the year the intrepid hashers of White House ventured out past the Beltway into the suburb of McLean. Our exploration in SHITH3 territory was aided by the fact that our hares were all regular SHITters! We congregated in a parking lot before heading out to follow the trail left by our Hares. Up and down hills and through several nice apartment and condo complexes we followed waiting patiently for the shiggy that AHHB is so known for! We finally had a quick dose with a muddy trail behind a local park before spitting out into an elementary school playground. Several hashers decided to avoid going all the way around this field's fence by climbing over it and providing an entertaining display for those present (more on that later!). A lone white van sat parked at the top of one hill in a nice secluded spot next to the side of a highway. Hashers hurried up the hill only to reach the crest and realize it was not our beloved Beer Van?. Hares, you can send us down false trails and back checks, but when you make us think that beer is near only to snatch that hope away? that's just cruel! They did however immediately take us through some brambles and vines? later on after a trek up a never-ending hill we found ourselves at Holy F*ck's abode were we treated ourselves to beer and jello shots and were graced with the presence of Lube's Bald Pussy before heading back out for the second half (more like the 4th quarter!) of trail. The pack came out onto the highway with the end in sight, but the trail led us the opposite direction?. I'm sure some hashers went straight on in, but this trail purist decided instead to follow the direction of our diligent Hares. We made a giant circle around an office building compound where we were accosted by a bitter Indian Rent-A-Cop (Sorry you have to work on the weekend buddy, but don't take it out on us) who threatened us with his sinister walky-talky. As you can guess we just kept running, he didn't look like he could keep up anyway! Trail was complete, beer flowed, violations started to come in and circle began!

Violations:
You Wankers were in rare form tonight! Next time we hash on a cold night try to not be so stupid and we won't have to sit in the cold so long!

Wooly Mammaries: Was overheard stating that he couldn't remember if he was at the hash last week or where it had been held? which would be acceptable hash behavior if he wasn't the one taking the money and keeping the hash count!
Hares: For arranging there to be a unmarked white van at the top of a will in a secluded spot? that wasn't the beer van!
Queerly I'm Straight: It's fine to keep wearing your life-vest to the hash. But for the sake of the rest of us please wash it or air it out every once in a while!
Dildo Shaggins and Wookin Pa Nub: While helping each other over a fence (that wasn't part of the trail) Dildo ended up re-enacting the "Put your left leg over my shoulder" lyrics on Nub and then stated "that she couldn't get off", come on Nub you aren't trying hard enough.
Hares: Thanks for laying trail, but we would have loved to see you at least sweep the first half!
Dry Dock and Jefe Lengua: These two hashers forgot that the Full Moon was Friday and tried to moon some unsuspecting walkers? however they had wardrobe malfunctions and could only pull off a half-moon between the both of them!
Fire In The Hole: Tried to pretend she was in the movie Coyote Ugly dancing on a bar, and fell off breaking her arm?. Then told her doctor she fell off a chair.
Jack Off Lantern: Started zenning after the first hash mark!
Queerly I'm Straight: It doesn't impress the Harriettes when you have to ask a dude to open your twist-off bottle!
Nuclear Jism: In the same vein as Queerly, Nuclear tried to open his twist-off and ended up slicing his hand up!
Leggs over Easy: This Harriette was impersonating a homeless person as she bundled up at circle in a moving blanket?.. Gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) you all should have been violated for missing the opportunity to warm her up!
Just Aaron: A few hashes under your belt and you think you are invincible eh? Running across that 6-lane highway all by yourself?. Didn't your mother teach you anything about Safety?.THIRD!
Knee Deep Pussy High: For giving the hash sloppy seconds?. Re-gifting a cracker and cheese basket from the holidays for snacks after the hash!
And How's Her Bush: I wasn't entirely honest before?. AHHB did make an appearance on the first half of trail? leaning against a fence leering at a playground!
Hares: Lube Me up Scottie showed everyone her bald pussy at the beer check? this violation is for only showing one!
WTF is my Name: Keep wearing that Boston M*r*thon jacket to the hash and we'll keep violating you? if you want a beer just ask!
Dildo Shaggins: Unsafe attempt to cross the fence as described before?.. Safety Third performed on top of Nub? check out the photos!
Fire in the Hole: News Flash! This Harreitte was SOBER when she fell off the bar and broke her arm?. If you are going to do it at least be trashed so it doesn't hurt so much!

Hash Shit:
I Like Your Boobs has had the HashShit for as long as I can remember (a few weeks) originally for not sleeping with Dildo Shaggins when the opportunity arose. Week after week following he would do something stupid enough to keep getting the "award."
This week he nominated Dry Dock for saying he has never gotten the HashShit and is too good for it.
The Pack brought out these violations:
Queerly I'm Straight: The twist-off he asked a male hasher to open for him was?.. a Smirnoff Ice!
I Like Your Boobs: 4th times the charm!
But?.
A resounding cry led the RA to pass the trophy onto?..
Dildo Shaggins: For Mounting Wookin' Po Nub three times in one night!

Just when you thought the circle couldn't go any longer in the frigid January air it was brought to the RA's attention that a naming was in order!

Just Aaron has hashed with us several times and works for the Army doing Tech work at the five-sided building. He attended Cal Poly Tech home of the Fighting Mustangs and has an affinity for Asian Hookers. His virginity was taken in a teenage romantic interlude in the back seat of a Mustang, leading us to see a connection with horses in his life. Once after some kinky outdoor play on a balcony, he and his "partner" were surprised to realize that several people in building across the street had been watching the entire time (all 3 minutes). He is a black belt in Karate (Mental note?. Do not piss him off) and once ate sheep brain?. which is way better than sheep testicle right No Child Left Behind?

Names came flying from the pack and here they are:

- Hi Ho Silver, I'm Gay!
- Goldie Cocks
- Cobra Cock
- Rear Window
- Porch Swing

But in the end he shall be known as:

Mr. Me-a-Gay

It was cold so we sang some Swing Low and moved on out to the On-after at "The Pub"

Hasta Luego-
Taster's Choice