White House Hash House Harriers Run #1211
20 September 2008
Arlington, VA…. Errrr….. Palisades NW DC

Hares: $50 Bitch, Vomanitrix, Tough Woman In Green, and some other folks who never bothered to tell me their names…. maybe if they came more often I'd know who they were!
Visitors (Who hashed): Two Lips in The Bush – Tiblisi H3, AssFlac – 2nd City H3
Visitors (Who met us at the circle/bar): Chlorine Will Kill Everything – Tidewater H3, Narcolingus – Tidewater H3, Dirty Dog Dancing – Tidewater H3, Just Buzz – Corpus Christi H3
Virgins: Just Sarah (Just Stephanie made her cum,) Just Nate (Red, White, and Blow Me made him cum)
Long Time No Seers: The Hares, Ass Spelunker, Late Nite Drive Thru
Beer Bitch/RA: Cock A Doodle Do Me

Once again I find myself writing stuff down during the hash so you wankers can attempt to recall what you did and where you were! The hash found ourselves in beautiful Arlington Virginia, home to so many wonderful hash memories…. Wait sorry, we were SUPPOSED to hash there… but fate had our flexible and accommodating hares revamping their plans for the good of the hash! Thanks for the hard work Hares! Soooo.. we found ourselves in the beautiful Palisades of Washington, DC. After quite a head start for the live trail the pack set out after the hares. They did their best to keep us off their trail by not actually laying any flour for quite a distance before the first hash-mark was sighted! The pack wound its way through the high-priced housing of the area along the Potomac before cutting down to the Capital Crescent trail and finding our way up a rocky crag to the first beer check. At this point the runners set out to experience several back checks and other things that runners complain about on a trail, but ironically always set when they are hares! The walkers trudged through a scenic second half before returning to the start, which served as the second beer check. When the pack finally all got back together the GM announced the Circle/On-after would be taking place in Arlington at the Cowboy Café… this is where our Scribe would usually end and say something about your mom and giving cash equivalents for food and booze…. but we had a circle to attend to! We crowded into the back room at the Café, ordered our tacos and wings, pulled out cases of Beast, Pabst, and Strohs for down-downs and proceeded to reminisce on the stupid stuff we did on trail!

Violations:
Hares: No flour for the first 150 yards of the runners trail… thank god we watched you run away or we never would have found it.
Wee Willy Wanker: Found a Lamb-Chop doll on trail complete with attached cum-rag, and carried it to all the way to the end, only to leave it there.
Hares: Excessive conservation…. There is no flour shortage in the world… so use it liberally when laying trail…
Gerry Ass Tricks: was overheard stating that "you would need a straw to blow him"
Hares: Continued Conservation…. it doesn't apply to beer at the beer check either!
US Boobs and Oral Report: She apparently gave sexual favors to the hares for directions to avoid the long back check…. and still got lost!
Jefe Lengua: Poured out his beer at the end of the Beer Check! There are thirsty children in Africa (and hashers here in the states) that wish they had a few drops of beer!
Hares: Walker Hare Dildo got lost on trail with a map.
Follow The Bleeder: Excessive Celebration upon "winning" the beer check…. Penalty on the offense, 10 yards… 1 down-down.
Hares: For advertising a stroller friendly trail…. Yeah, if you have a helo-stroller or a Moon-rover!
Just Stephanie: Didn't educate her virgin on proper new shoe etiquette or how to do a down-down.
Obeastiologist: Trying to impress the ladies by pressing out creases in his running shorts…
Two Lips in the Bush: Racist… turned his IronMan Triatholon shirt inside out so no one would see it.
MicroSoft/Fuck'Em Dano: Didn't bother to check the website and went to the original start location.
Follow the Bleeder: after "winning" the beer check he also won the second half.
Two Lips in the Bush: Didn't bring his new hot wife to the hash!

Hash Shit:
Coin Operated received the hash-shit for bringing her pussies to the hash back a few weeks ago, in honor of that she added a little kitty toy (metal bell in plastic ball) to the hash shit. Her nomination was Wee Willy Wanker, who found a little doll/cumrag on trail and asked if he could add it to the Hash-Shit.

Other nominations included:
Coin Operated: who brought the hash shit to the on-after/circle but didn't actually run/walk the trail.
Red, White, and Blow Me: after letting the hash know she still needed to check a Marine off her "To-Do" list, she proceeded to bring a Seaman to the hash! (been there, done that!)
Titly Winks: The harriette who nominated Red, White, and Blow Me…. For thinking that blowing a Marine is some sort of challenge…. Come visit Eighth Street on Saturday night and see how easily this can be accomplished!

And the winner was….. TITLY WINKS!

Then we had another solemn occasion…. The naming of Just Stephanie!

Just Stephanie is in the Airforce where she works with teeth. She is originally from Hooker Heights, Texas where she attended Catholic school from K-12 (complete with plaid skirt), and then attended Baylor as a nursing student before dropping out to service, err serve her country. Her favorite teeth are the Canines and no male has ever accused her of using them. She once bounced back and forth between a pair of brothers (interpret at will) and one of them was pulled over while driving a car for 45 in a 75 zone.... due to her orally controlling his stick shift. In college she started a collection of fraternity shirts that she earned fair and square. Her favorite memorial in DC is the Thomas Jefferson Memorial because well.. she was caught by a security guard in flagrente.

Several suggestion arose from the hash including:

- Freedom of Sexpression
- TJ BJ
- We the PeeHole
- Oral Cavity
- Sorostitute
- Greek Whore-us
- Road Head Warrior
- Cuntinental Congress

However, when all was said and done the RA poured the golden nectar over the newly anointed: E-Z Pass!

Then we proceeded to drink more beer, eat more tacos and devour the wings that the hash purchased for us.

On-On to next weeks hash... better check the website before driving out!

Stunt Gay Guy,
-Taster's Choice

White House Hash House Harriers Run #1210
September 14, 2008
East Potomac Park Golf Course, Washington DC

Hares: Semen on the Pew, MotorMouth, Octopussy, The Pimp of Sarajevo
Brew Crew: a few gracious people who stayed sober so we could make messes of ourselves (ok maybe that was just me)
Virgins: Just Anne, Just Patrick (brought by Just Allie).
Visitors: Bubbles (Anchorage H3) and some other people who traveled from far and wide to drink with us.
Beer Bitch: Just Daniel
Analversaries: Nope
Long Time No Seers: if there were, they weren't important enough to remember

We began the hash congregated in the hidden back corner parking lot of the East Potomac Golf Course on what seemed to be the hottest day in recent memory! In fact it was so hidden that several hashers were led to the start by whistle after phoning and requesting a signal to guide their way! How hot was it? It was so hot that Beer Mile O'limpdickian Medalist Obeastiologist claimed to be carrying water on trail for his first time. (It only hurts the first time, OB) Our beloved scribe Gay Guy Counter was not present (obviously having one of his usual trysts with your mom) and I, Taster's Choice, was conscribed (pun intended) into fulfilling his duties (to the hash, not to your mom) along with the role of Assistant Hash Cash (Ass. Cash if you will.) And yes, expect the parenthetical comments to continue. It wasn't even a few seconds into my temporary tenure that wankers began committing crimes worthy of violation! Having never spent a hash looking for such things I now truly appreciate the Scribes so much more. They also have to perfect the arts of writing legibly while running!

Our GMs called us into the circle and sent us on our way. The pack blindly followed flour down towards the tip of Haines Point knowing full well that they would have to turn around at some point and return whence they came. (Note to Hares: start the hash off with a long straight away that becomes a back check and the FRB's will still stay ahead, it just slows down the DFLs even more!) I would comment on the next bit of trail that took part on the East/West Potomac Park peninusula, but one of the Hares kindly pointed me and some Just's in the direction of an extreme shortcut and we waited for the rest of the pack to catch up on the other side of the Jefferson Monument. We heard ya'll had fun over there. The trail continued across the heavily trafficked Maine Avenue, a road congested with tourists who are barely looking up from their maps and cell phones to notice hashers jaywalking across the busy streets. If that wasn't dangerous enough we soon found ourselves on train tracks facing oncoming locomotive traffic. The beer check soon arrived and we enjoyed our frosty beverages keeping an eye on the police car across the field. On Out and we managed to maneuver our way past the Fish Wharf and back to East Potomac Park (except for a few wankers Zenning) Circle began and we attempted to rehydrate ourselves. By the way, thanks to Meat Lover for helping out with recording violations!

Violations: you wankers kept me busy!
Louisville Sucker, Jefe Lengua, Bubbles: New Shoes/Drinking vessels…. Bubbles was emphatic about not drinking from her shoe so Jefe offered his other up as a stunt shoe!
Just Dan: Thought the hash was going to be boring today so he brought an economics magazine for reading material…. Next time just bring porn.
Just Anne: Was seen deodorizing her nether regions before the trail began. Frequent bathing will help avoid any odor issues in the future!
No Child Left Behind: thought the hash had a golf theme and dressed to the part… complete with pearl necklace, but wouldn't say who gave it to her!
Hares: Running the pack through a circle of mushrooms (Mushrom Check) but didn't include a Tit Check!
Wrong Number: Heart Rate monitor wasn't offering you much support, leave the sports bras to the ladies.
Mount My Rear: Got balled anonymously on trail by a stray ball from the course.
Tony Panda: Asked if someone wanted to split a beer with him at the Beer Check…. Conservation means using less cups NOT drinking less beer!
Hares: Having the pack play frogger with mindless tourists SAFTEY THIRD!
Octopussy: Wore a hash t-shirt that was older than some of the hashers in attendance
Obeastiologist: Trail wasn't long enough for him so he decided to add another mile to it on his own.
Hares: Attempted to get the pack to play chicken with 140 Tons of oncoming train….. SAFETY THIRD!


And then came an occasion we all enjoy, a NAMING!

Just Allie has been hashing with us for a few months now… and we were lucky enough to have both her high school friend and her roommate in attendance to fill us in on the dirt. The fiery red head lives in Logan Circle, works as an Interior Design Architect, and attended Catholic University. A few items of note in her life are:
- While in high school she medaled in Irish Dancing Competitions and her favorite holiday is St Patrick's Day.
- Hasn't brought her boyfriend to the hash in order to avoid any naming stories he might have.
- She traveled to Rome (like a good catholic girl) and lost her panties and bra on the way (like a good catholic girl)
- She has an extreme attraction to men in uniform (military only guys… apperantly the McD's and Wendy's uni doesn't do it for her, sorry) working her way through the services one veteran at a time (still looking to check Marines and Coast Guard off her to do list)

The pack came up with several ideas including:
- Immaculate Beaver
- Dirty RimLick
- Red RideHer (When the name Red RideHer was suggested by Louisville Sucker, a barge whistle immediately blew, obviously showing God's distaste for the name.)
- Touch Me Jesus
- Do All You Can Do (with variations… Suck all you can, Fuck all you can.. etc)
- Army of (*gagging sound inserted here*)

In the end it came down to a Boob-Off in which one of our virgins represented proudly but the RA exercised his holy hash power and Just Allie is now:

Red, White, and Blow Me!

See ya'll next week!

On-On,
Taster's Choice

#1208 Chinatown/Metro Center September 1, 2008 - Best Trail EVER!!!

Hares: Gay Guy Counter, Jefe Lengua, Just Catherine
Brew Crew: Marco Homo, Please Step Away From The Whores
Beer Bitch: Just Stephanie
Virgins: I don't know who they were
Visitors: I don't know them either.
Analversaries: Sorry about that.
Long Time No Seers: Nope, didn't get those either.

First of all, I want to thank Oregon Grinder for scribing for me, as I was kind of busy haring the trail. Second, I want to say that it's no surprise she told me that the pack was saying it was the best trail ever. I don't mean to brag, but I'm the greatest. I should say we're the greatest. I had lots of help from my co-hares. We ran a federal-holiday appropriate trail past the White House, as well as other historic sites in Washington, DC. If you missed it, I'm sorry to say it's going to be hard to repeat such an awesome trail. I do feel like it's important to mention one thing. The directions clearly indicated that the start would be near the intersection of 11th and H St. NW. I even made sure you had directions. However, the same pack that often can't bring themselves to read marks on trail bitches pretty loudly when there aren't marks from the metro. Kinda inconsistent isn't it. Next time, I think I'll mark trail from the metro and give everybody a map to the beer check and finish, and see how that pans out. Enough of my bitching, though. Let's see what the pack did to embarrass themselves, shall we?

Just Sarah: Tried to commit suicide on trail. We made Red River Runs Through It drink from safety third for that one.
Jefe Lengua: Overcompensating by carrying biggest stick of chalk ever made.
Fire In The Hole: Happy fucking birthday!
Motormouth and Summer's Eve: Sex off trail when they were enjoying a quiet afternoon on the waterfront.
Hares: Calling the police to alert them about the end location prior to the trail.
Taster's Choice: Ran a 1/2 M*rathon yesterday.
No Child Left Behind: Brought a virgin with no stamina.
Queerly I'm Straight: New shoe(lace)s. Drink from them anyway.

Hash Shit:
Cock A Doodle Do Me was kind enough to bring the Hash Shit back. The following idiots deserved a chance to take it from her:

Summer's Eve
Rotten Whore
US Boobs And Oral Report
Cock A Doodle Do Me

But we gave it to Coin Operated for hoarding pussies.

Then it was on on to the Dubliner. They did a great job of taking our cash and giving us beer and food in return.

On shameless self-promotion On,
Gay Guy Counter

#1207 Georgetown August 25, 2008 Brew Crew Trail

Hares: The Brew Crew (Yeah, all of them)
Brew Crew: Runs With Bulls, Marco Homo (I guess they didn't hare)
Beer Bitch: Just Air Spanker One
Virgins: Just Brendan, Just John, Just Emmit
Visitors: Nobody (That's not a hash name. Really, no one visited.)
Analversaries: Octopussy - 69
Long Time No Seers: Air Spanker One, Nasty When Wet, Bonnie Brewer, Marco Homo, IHOV, KY Belly, A Salt My Ass

This week, we were honored by our hardest workers, the brew crew. They hared a trail with lots of shot checks. Some of the rocket scientists in our midst were a little surprised that the shots were of...wait for it...you'll guess it in a minute...yeah...it was BEER! At least it was good beer, so I don't know why they were complaining. What can I say about the trail except that it was long and dry, and the air was hot. If it weren't for the copius amounts of beer, it would have been a miserable night. Thank God for the brew crew! Let's see what the pack did on trail.

Violations:
Beer Fairy: Had to hare to save $5 he could use for legal defense.
A Salt My Ass: Testing iPhone features. Apparently, it's not toilet-resistant.
Just Brendan: Wore his r*cist shirt inside-out. We knew all along.
KY Belly: Got to the beer check to ask "am I first?"
Blank Shot Up The Ass: Forgot how to run while on trail. That's a safety third!
No Child Left Behind: Abrasions on knees on trail, and nobody was bragging about it. Safety third!
Hares: Left a 200 yard dash between the beer van and the orange food. After such a long trail, that wasn't necessary.
Vagina Gallery: Poor performance for our virgins.
Bob Loblaw: Sexism. He sang "You're Stupid" to the Vagina Gallery. Sexism isn't safe. It's safety third.
Hares: Laid one phantom shot check where a "SN" was nowhere near a shot.

The Hash Shit was not present.

If we ever decide to name Just Emmitt, you might want to know that he partially severed his achilles tendon when he slammed the refrigerator door, and a wine bottle fell from the top and broke open. His leg was covered in red wine and blood.

On On,
Gay Guy Counter