#1206 White Flint Metro August 18, 2008
Hares: Jackoff Lantern, Eat Your Vegetables, Fluffer No Butt Her, No Child Left Behind
Brew Crew: C: Enter, Hot Lunch
Beer Bitch: Just Allie
Virgins: Just Stephanie
Visitors: FUPA, Sex Pistol
Analversaries: Et Tu Bootay - 25, Jerry Ass Tricks - 25
Long Time No Seers: Ass Ogre, Rambutt, Fruit Of The Poon, Mr. Magoo, Silver Spooge, Tranny In Training, Chicken Fucker, Call Me EZ
Here's the funny thing. It's been almost a week since this hash, and I don't remember much. The trail started with shiggy. It went from there into water. Incidentally, I recall a deja vu beer check. What that means is that when we got to the second beer check, it looked eerily similar to the first one. Wanna know why that was? It was the same place. We all thought we were crazy because the trail seemed to lead us into the same paths we were on before the first beer check. We're all crazy, but there's a reason why we recognized the paths. Given our recent history, it's particularly impressive that the second beer check wasn't canceled after the park police drove by the first time. Anyway, let's get on with violations.
Violations:
Hares: Bad at math. 1 beer check visited twice doesn't really equal 2 beer checks.
Just Stephanie: Got all wet for broken wood. Safety third.
Hares: Lies and deceit. Second SN had no shot near.
Brew Crew: Exercising discretion by having everyone pour beer out of the cans...into cups labeled "Jack Daniels".
Private Snowball: Princess Snowball took off his shoes and socks for the water crossings.
Coin Operated: Dressed like Wendy, so she could go into Wendy's and request a discount.
Call Me EZ: Complained about not being violated. Have a drink.
Trojan: Honorary down down for matching donations to the Beer Fairy defense fund. That means he donated $569 to the fund. Nice job.
Mellow Foreskin Cheese: Planning surgical enhancements in the coming weeks. All the harriettes will want to test drive the new equipment.
Hash Shit:
No Child Left Behind brought the Hash Shit back from her Beer Mile participation. Let's see who tried to get it from her.
Jackoff Lantern: Mean haring.
Fey Lay: Media Slut got a hurricane named after her.
Coin Operated: 300 Million Served
Cock A Doodle Do Me: Removing goblet from the Hash Shit.
And the winner is...Cock A Doodle Do Me. We thought we'd give her a chance to put something on the Hash Shit to replace the goblet.
Then, we decided to name Just Jesus. Just Jesus works for the [ch]Air Force. He was nervous about his first BJ because he's "kicking an anteater", which apparently means he's uncircumcised. Just Jesus is not a jew. He's Puerto Rican. He's been caught licking a nipple by his mom, and receiving a BJ by a police officer. His definition of "aim high" is a pearl necklace. We recommended the following:
Jesus Is Not a Jew
Premature Copulation
Jews For Jesus
Jesus Doesn't Save
Last Temptation
Aunt Eater
Whacks A Turtle
But we named him...Holy Foreskin Batman
On On,
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#1205 August 11, 2008 Glenmont
Hares: And How's Her Bush, Fey Lay, Slowman, No Name Nyet
Brew Crew: RU-469, Stop The Erection
Beer Bitch: Just Jesus
Virgins: Just Noreen, Just Morgan
Visitors: Wang Chunks - Boston, Stretch Pussy - Boston, Cum Is Kosher - Boston, Amnesia - Homeless, Explodes On Impact - Memphis, we also seemed to have the DCH4 good will committee present. I didn't get all their names.
Analversaries: Presidential Nasty - 25
We arrived to another weekly engagement of the White House Hash, but this time we were in a strange and wonderous place. It's called Glenmont, and if you've never heard of it, I wouldn't be surprised. That's because Glenmont is such a remote destination that it's the kind of place where they draw serpents on the map because no one's ever been there and lived to return. I even saw a creature or two that I think science has yet to classify. The other wonder of Glenmont is that it is apparently unaffected by global warming. Nearing mid-August, we arrived to temperatures that were barely above freezing. I recommend we prepare for the oncoming ice age. I suggest you find someone to get close to so you can stay warm. Cute harriettes can apply here. Oh yeah, we still ran trail. That was nice. There were violations, too. Let's see about those.
Hares: A 45-minute head start isn't really live-haring a trail. The trail was yelling "I'm not dead yet." But the hares were insistent. "You'll be stone dead in a moment." they said.
Back Snatch and Presidential Nasty: In full view of I'd Tap That, these two took a scenic detour for a figurative and literal trip past home plate for a little sex on trail.
Fluffer No Butt Her: Given his attire, he was obviously confused. It's hashing time, not business time.
No Child Left Behind: Honorary down down for the training aid she gave to Et Tu Bootay. Sorry if you didn't see it.
Motormouth: Just as Fey Lay bent down to pick up a snack, he swooped in to grab...his MUG???
And How's Her Bush: Sent the pack along a set of railroad tracks on trail. Safety Turd!
Cum Is Kosher and Stretch Pussy: Came to a gate on trail, and didn't even try to open it, assuming that going around it was the only option.
Stop The Erection: Complained that brew crewing was just plain confusing when he had no need to pick up anything but I'd Tap That.
Cum Is Kosher: When the police drove by and everyone was getting rid of their beer, she quickly dumped a full mug of...wait for it...have you guessed it yet?....yes, it was WATER!
Hash Shit:
Dairy Queen Brought the Hash Shit to us after the WH4 camping trip. We began taking nominations to find out that No Child Left Behind clipped her car keys to the Hash Shit as a handy alternative to carrying them. Then we found out that she went r*cing last week, and puked post-race. That was apparently enough to encourage her to forego the Beer Mile, but we convinced her to run it. It's only appropriate that she consider running it with the Hash Shit.
Then we decided to name Just Yuliya. She didn't want to be named because she usually comes on Tuesday. Just Yuliya refused to kneel for the honor. She's been hashing for about a month, was brought to the hash by No Name Nyet, and is from the Ukraine. So we recommended the following names.
Breast In Show
Cums On Tuesday
Fuck Me Pumps
Won't Go Down
Gucci Coochie
Dos Peed Onya
Whinnie The Putin
Ukraine For Cock
Clifford The Big Red Party Member
Then, Motormouth got sick of the childish nature of the entire episode and put an end to it by pouring a drink on Just Yuliya's head. She was pissed. We all went to the bar. The end.
On On,
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#1204 August 4, 2008 Eastern Market
Hares: Back Snatch, Snatch Shot, Titly Winks, Mount My Tits, Mr. Softy
Brew Crew: Coin Operated, Please Step Away From The Whores
Beer Bitch: Just Lisa
Virgins: Just Cat, Just Jacquelyn
Visitors: Explodes On Impact - Pittsburgh, Wang Chunks - Boston
Analversaries: 1 Girl 2 Cups, Lefty Loosey Righty Tightey, Can You Rear Me Now, Rear Protein Injection, Mannipple Lichter
Long Time No Seers: Dial F For Faggot, Wang Chunks, Telecum, Wee Willy Wanker
This trail reminded me of a few things. It was really tiring, and I was very sweaty. That reminded me of my erotic weekend getaway with your mom. Mostly, it reminded me of the need for education. You know, if you don't use the education you received, it's often a good idea to take a refresher course. That's why I think most of us should consider enrolling in the next session of Chalk Talk 101. Tuition is affordable, and the course only takes a few minutes. And, your guaranteed to get an A. I'm just saying that when 2/3 of the pack spends most of its time off the trail, it's not just shortcutting. Really, it's high time we start looking for marks. Otherwise, most of us are just going to get lost and not return from our next visit to Southeast DC.
Violations:
Tooth Fairy: As a former Beltway Bob, you'd think he could organize a happy hour. But he ended up drinking alone because he gave the wrong address to the bar, and everyone went to the bar he named, while he drank alone at the address he used.
Hares: Refused an offer to provide a shot check at Taster's Choice's home, only a few blocks from the start.
Mount My Rear: Ran the pack through a gang turf war. Safety third!
Fluffer No Butt Her: Tried to fight off No Child Left Behind when she grabbed his underwear because he thought she was going to remove them. Apparently, it was okay when he figured out that she was just offering a wedgie.
Cock A Doodle Do Me: Wearing a racist t-shirt for a race she didn't even run.
Just Lisa: Apparently likes it doggy style, so she spent a little time on trail making out with Just Molson
Wang Chunks: Made more WH4 hashes in 3 monts than he did when he was GM for a whole year.
Bob Loblaw: Violated by EWH3 songmeister Roll Over Bitch for not knowing more than 1 verse. A shotgun-off between the two ensued, and WH4's own Bob Loblaw dominated, demonstrating readiness for the upcumming Hash Olympdicks.
Just Lisa: Came back from the WH4 camping trip as a single harriette. We're worried that she's been going to the Motormouth school of camping charm.
Then we decided to name Just Lisa. Just Lisa attended GW. She didn't elaborate, but says that her most embarrassing sexual experience was when she was being taped. She likes hot sauce (Dave's Insanity) and spankings. She's never used hot sauce during sex, but has apparently used a fruit roll-up. Wow. Her favorite animal is a horse, but she made out with Just Molson, a 35lb puggle. When asked if she'd ever inserted fruits or vegetables, she said "not really." I guess that makes sense, given that she was making out with Eat Your Vegetables a couple weeks ago. Let's see what names were suggested.
Doggy Style
Mind Ready For Instruction
Hot For Cock
Roast Beef Curtains
Sea Prickness
Cums In Bunches
That Bitch Crazy
But we named her...Peas On My Face
On On,
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