WH4 #1180 Trash

#1180 March 23, 2008 Bethesda Easter Hash

Hares: Trojan, Tastes Great Always Willing, Private Snowball
Virgins: Just Danielle
Visitors: Just E. J.
Brew Crew: And How’s Her Bush, Stop The Erection
Beer Bitch: Clittish Invasion
Analversaries: None.
Long Time No Seers: None.
OnOnOn: Austin Grill

This hash began like most. The sun was shining, the dogs were shitting on the parking deck, and everyone who brought a mug was enjoying a little pre-circle beer. After a great opening circle, we were on out to tour Bethesda. The trail included shiggy, a little water, and a great shot check. That’s when things got a little fuzzy. You see, there were some who arrived at the shot check early and had a little trouble finding trail thereafter. Big Bang and friends went one way, while F=MA and Gay Guy Counter (that’s me) went another direction. Well, it turns out that only two of us chose poorly. He tried to seduce me. I think he slipped me a mickey in my shot. Regardless, I was immune to his wily charms. By the time we rejoined the pack, they had long left the beer check, and we finished the urban portion of the program as though nothing happened. I wish I could say something about that portion of the trail, but I was apparently busy training for a long run. Sorry about that. Thank goodness we had a chance to visit your mom while we were so far off trail. That was nice. Tell her we said thanks.
So, after missing the beer check, I grabbed a serious amount of orange food, downed a couple mugs of my favorite beverage, and worked extra hard to collect violations. There was plenty to discuss. Let’s recap the good ones, shall we?

Violations:
Peter Peter Manhole Eater: Admitted to spending a lot of time getting creamed on his knees. I’m sure we have some harriettes who can empathize.
Just E. J., Gay Rod, Jeffe Lengua, Oral Presentation: Subscribing to WH4’s new green initiative by bringing brand new drinking vessels to the hash. These are the kind that can be kept on your feet until you’re ready to drink from them.
Gay Guy Counter: Needed a beer after missing the beer check.
Tooth Fairy: Relived his naming by pouring his beer on his head on trail.
Slurpee: Enlisted her dog, Irritable Bow Wow Syndrome, to attempt the murder of Tooth Fairy on a flower pot. Safety Third!
Blows A Tranny: Hypocrisy on trail. He laughed at Tooth Fairy for his injury on trail. How quickly he forgot that he broke his nose by running into a tree on trail some time ago.
Sir Shaves A Lot: Teaching dance moves on trail.
Squeeky: Overheard saying she can’t cum anymore. Sorry to hear that. Jeffe Lengua got to drink for failure to perform.
Private Snowball: Oedipus complex on trail. Private Snowball was overheard professing his love for his mother before the start. I hope he told her to say hi for you.

The Hash Shit was not present, so we didn’t try to give it away. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Then, it was time to name Just Ron. Just Ron works as a security guard, and attends NOVA. He is single, enjoys the missionary position, and can’t remember if he was 18 or 19 when he lost his virginity to his little sister’s friend. His most awkward sexual encounter was on top of a “mentally retarded school building” with a girl named Olivia. We assumed she was a student there. His favorite farm animal is a horse, because they can always serve as a ride home (a reason? Really?). He spent the whole trail trying to establish dominance over the dog (Just Harley) he brought with him. We suggested some names. Here they are.

Chasing Tail
Somebody’s Bitch
Rent A Cock
Donnie The Retard
Dumb And Cummer
I Fuck Dumb People
Kibbles And Tits
Hard On The ‘Tard
Please Mind The Gimp

But we decided to name him…Eat Your Vegetables.

From there, it was ononon to Austin Grill. We got food and drink in return for cash and cash equivalents. Incidentally, ask someone how impressive it was that Fire In The Hole spent the whole ononon giving head to a rubber duckie. Nice.

On On,
Gay Guy Counter

Trash 1176

#1176 March 2, 2008 Wheaton Metro
Hares: Peace O Chum, Dyke Tyson, Catch Her In The Thighs, Late Nite Drive Thru
Virgins: Just Jennifer
Visitors: Just Tony, Just Adele, Just Howie, Celebitch
Long Time No-Seers: Ass Master 2000, Blank Shot Up The Ass, And Hows Her Bush, Bavarian Bush, Underground Railroad, Dumb Blonde
Beer Bitch: Ass Master 2000
Analversaries: Blows A Tranny - 100
Brew Crew: Beer Fairy, Coin Operated
OnOnOn: VFW, Wheaton

WH4 was well into celebrating its 4 Corners of The Earth Hash Tour, as we arrived at Wheaton Metro. I’m not kidding. That’s two weeks in a row when I had to look up the location on www.wmata.com because I honestly had no idea where it was. Kudos for creativity, I guess. Speaking of repetition, this was also the third WH4 hash in a row where we’ve suffered the effects of a struggling economy. Money’s tight and times are tough, kids, so don’t be surprised when we can’t afford enough flour to lay a hash later this year. It was so bad that Private Snowball arrived to the end circle only as the rest of the pack was trying to finish the cheap beer. Of course, your mom has another version of how Private Snowball got “lost.” She said he knew his way around. Don’t worry, she told me he was a perfect gentleman. Anyway, we ran through the town of Wheaton, doing our best to follow the trail laid by our hares. In the process, some members of the pack did a few stupid things. Let’s hear about that, shall we? On On to violations.

Violations:
Gay Guy Counter: Honorably took the down down from the evening’s first violator after issuing the worst violation ever.
Blank Shot Up The Ass: Racist apparel.
Queerly I’m Straight: Queerly’s wearing a shirt that says “you can follow me, but it’s going to hurt” wouldn’t warrant a violation unless he’s wearing that shirt when he faceplants on trail. Go figure.
Underground Railroad: Self-affirmation on trail. At the beer check, she asked “who’s a winner?” only to reply “I am!”
Cock A Doodle Do Me: Alcohol abuse. She spilled more beer than Blows A Tranny’s 100 run mug would hold.
Bad Ditch: Getting used to arriving late and running alone, she decided to bring her iPod along in lieu of a companion.
One Time At Hand Camp: Promoting WH4’s new ideal of reducing waste by bringing your own mug, he brought not one, but two shiny new drinking vessels. So he took off the left one and showed us all how they worked.
Gay Guy Counter: Hosted the world’s biggest sausage fest about a week or so ago. Yes ladies, if you like dick, you should attend his parties. There’s plenty.
Just Jennifer: The pack would not have known that the bra and panties modeled by Catch Her In The Thighs were hers if she didn’t tell us.
Hares: Insufficient Sweeping.
Snap Crackle Poop: Getting old. His birthday was last week.

Hash Shit:
Private Snowball brought the Hash Shit with him. He almost lost the opportunity to give it away by getting lost at your mom’s. But he did show up, and the following wankers offered to carry it for him next week:

Private Snowball: Whining (he must have been serious about this, as he was violated twice for it).
Dumb Blonde: For not knowing that “black folks don’t whine, they bitch” according to Private Snowball.
Blank Shot Up The Ass: For singing a song to Private Snowball requesting a BJ.
Private Snowball: For not singing last week’s new song.

This week’s lucky winner is Blank Shot Up The Ass!

Then it was on on to the Wheaton VFW. This is the portion of the program where you were supposed to find a drunken hookup. If you didn’t happen to make that work for you, there’s always next week. See you there!

On On,
Gay Guy Counter