Trail news you can abuse.
WH4 Hash 1172 -- February 3, 2008 -- Superbowl Sunday Hash
What the hell did I miss last weekend?
I've seen more pictures of the AGM then of Vanessa Hudgens.
I can't even tell who half the people in the pictures are.
I recognized Chlorine, but it certainly wasn't because of her smile.
I hope everyone had a great time.
And I hope that the drunkenness of MisManagement
and the drinking prowess, that is the White House Hash,
is an indicator of how this year is going to go!
(I pity the hash that tries to go back to Finn MacCools and get open bar)
Quick poll:
"How much debauchery should be required to actually get someone kicked out of a hash party?"
I think we need to set that bar a little HIGHER.
(Think JOHN TAYLOR)
Anyway ...
I have put much thought into this week's rant.
I considered the State of the Onion.
But the kids told me "We had politics for dinner last week - we want Pizza"
and I didn't watch the damn thing anyway.
Then I considered ranting about the fact that during Half time of the Superbowl,
there will be an EATING COMPETITION
(No wonder the rest of the world thinks we are a bunch of Fat, Lazy American)
Give me the Bud Bowl and Janet Jackson anytime!
My Monday morning will be full of ...
Registering my new domain at GoDaddy.com,
Going to see Will Farrell's new movie with some Frito Lays, and Gatorade
and buying one of a half a dozen cars that are getting advertised during superbowl, all with new Bridgestone tires.
I'm gonna have to check my E-Trade account balance!
Semen on the Pew has asked for the HONOR of leading the Superbowl Hash to one of the more Hash Friendly bars of NE, DC
The Argonaut.
TV's and specials have been promised.
Locals have been bribed.
Giants paraphernalia have been hung.
(Fuck the Patriots!)
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And now, a special announcement from your lovely new WH4 co-haberdashers.
Email them for more information or to order by Monday FEBRUARY 4th!
***** Personalized Foot Stickers *****
WH4 will be ordering personalized foot stickers, Monday, Feb 4th
They are $5 ea. AND, You can order more than one!
If you have a special affinity for a given hue, let that be known.
It helps if your name screams a color like Red Eye Vagina
or Big Blue Balls.
If we like you, we will consider it. Otherwise you will get black on white. Everybody likes black on white, right?
On-On,
Underground Railroad and Shamrock Your Cock
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EWH3 ski trip is SOLD OUT
beg on Digby's for a Rego,
or wait for the filtered pictures the week after
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WH4 Hash 1172 – the Superbowl Hash!
Sunday, February 3rd, 2007 3:00 PM - 14th St and Maryland Ave, NE, DC
Hares: Semen on the Pew, Tapped Three Times, the Pimp of Sarajevo,
and a special guest appearance by Handy Randy of the Bahrain BlacK Hash!
Cost: $5
Start: Empty lot at the north east corner of 14th St and Maryland Ave, NE
(across from Checkers)
D-erections:
(Metro)
Not really Metro accessible, although if you are feeling adventurous, you
can take the Orange or Blue lines to Stadium Armory, get off at the north
(East Capitol St) exit, take a left and walk west down East Capitol St
(toward the Capitol) to 14th St, turn right and head (who said head?) north
to the intersection of 14th and Maryland Ave, NE (a grand total of about 11
blocks, or just over a mile).
(Bus)
The X2 bus runs on Sunday from Gallery Pl at 7th and H NW at 2:37 and gets to 14th & H NE at 2:52.
There is another at 2:50 arrives at 3:05.
(Driving from Maryland)
Get on the beltway or BW Parkway and head (who said head?) to Route 50 (New
York Ave); take it into the city. Shortly after entering the city from
Maryland, take a left onto Bladensburg Rd. At intersection of Bladensburg,
H St, Florida Ave, and Benning Rd, go straight onto Maryland Ave. Look for
wankers on your right at the intersection with 14th St, NE.
(Driving from Virginia)
Take 395 North into the city and go under the Mall. Exit at Massachusetts
Ave. Stay to the right, cross Mass Ave, and take a right onto H St, NW.
Follow H St approximately 1.5 miles over the train tracks and turn right
onto 14th St, NE. Look for wankers on the left at the intersection of 14th
and Maryland Ave, NE.
Miscellaneous:
A to A', bring a dry bag. Walkers' trail dog and stroller friendly. Bag vehicle provided.
On-On-On:
The Argonaut
1433 H St, NE
Washington, DC 20002
(202) 397-1416
Specials:
$2 cans of PBR
1/2 price wings
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Upcoming Hashes
2/10/08 - B*tch better have my money leads a SH*T invasion near Vienna
2/17/08 - Gay Guy Counter leads the "Ex's are False Trails" Hash in Rosslyn
WH4 Hash 1170 & 1171 -- Jan 31, 2008 -- Recover from the AGM and start all over again
Welcome to the 2008 White House Hash. Not to be confused with the 2008 "race" for the White House. We are however similarly replacing the Goofy leader we have now (Jackoff Lantern) and his smarter, but less often heard from running mate (Duck Duck Bush) with a number of fresh new candidates (even if some of them used to bone the Commander in Chief ). Does that make me Obama?
I am your newly "voluntordered" HareRaisor, MotorMouth. I promise more boats sinkings, more hitting on female virgins, LOUDER trails, and more drunken breakups than any of my predecessors.
Speaking of predecessors, I want to thank Blows a Tranny for allowing me to follow in his legacy. His policy of lackadaisical bitching until one of you hared a trail is what made White House function every week. But somehow his own "shitty trails" thru-out the year are up for trail of the year - but since he gets to vote on them himself, does that really count?
Prior to Tranny we had Hokie no Pokie. The Johnny Knoxville of Hashing. The next time you see him ask him where "The Hokie SH*T" is. and about the time his ex-girlfriend took applications for her replacement. Hokie also helped make "ass fucking" a Hash-Hold word.
I'm going to spare Wang Chunks any embarrassment, mainly because the joke I wanted to tell was VETO'd by congress!
I know what you are thinking.
From now on, you will be getting weekly trail announcements from me
and weekly hash trashes from Gay Guy Counter.
Think of the POSSIBILITIES!
Now for the first of many weekly rantings...
BEARS!
(no, wait, thats Colbert)
I mean
BEERS!
What is up with all of you drinking beer?
I can get much drunker drinking Captain and coke!
You go thru 6 beers even to get a buzz on.
I am running on a campaign promise this year of "Kegs of Captain in '08!"
We are a "Drinking Club with a Running Problem"
There is no mention of Beer in there!
Short cutting trail is equivalent to drinking Captain instead of beer.
Same result - less work!
"If the Keg doesn't fit, you must ACQUIT!"
O.k.,
back to Business.
COME TO THE AGM SATURDAY NIGHT.
NAKEDNESS GUARANTEED
(and not by me this time!)
Then recover Sunday morning with Bloody Marys and Mimosas at Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper's House
Then sweat it all out at the first trail of '08, hared by Incumming Mismanagement
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Hash 1170 -- Jan 27, 2008 -- 11:00 am -- AGM Recovery Run
Hares: Spinal Tap, Hasher Humper
Cost: $5
Start: Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper's House. 4101 David Ln, Alexandria, VA 22311
Directions: 395 South to Seminary Road West. Half a mile, make a left on Dawes Ave. Go to the end of the road, make a quick right on N. Stevens St. and then a quick left back onto Dawes Ave. 2 more block and make a right on David Ln. House is third on the right. Or use the damn internet
Misc: Pack away at noon. A-A. Short Trail and Cicle. Full Meal and Hangover beverages provided.
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Hash 1171 -- Jan 27, 2008 -- 3:00pm -- Incuming MisManagement take their first steps
Hares: Bob Loblaw, Peace O' Chum, Mount My Rear, One Time At Hand Camp, Private Snowball, Wooly (however you spell) Mammaries, Knee Deep Pussy High
Cost: $5
Start: Start: Parking garage on Metro Park Dr, near the intersection of Beulah St. & Franconia Springfield Parkway, Springfield VA. Directions from 395 South - take the Franconia Exit, follow signs to Franconia Rd. Go right on Fleet Dr, right on Beulah, then right on Metro Park Rd. Go into parking garage. Hash.
Directions: From 495 - exit Van Dorn St going south. Go right on Franconia Rd, left on Beulah, right on Metro Park Rd. Go into parking garage. Hash.
From metro - NOTE: this is a 1.1 mile walk. Exit Springfield Metro (Blue Line). Go east on Franconia Springfield Parkway for approx 1/2 mile. Go left on Beulah St. Left on Metro Park Rd. Go into parking garage. Hash. (we will mark the route to start in chalk for anyone coming from the metro)
Misc: A-A' with Bag Vehicle. Trail will be flat, dry, no shiggy. Duh.
OnOnOn:
Lucky's Sports Theatre
7027 Manchester Blvd
Alexandria, VA 22310
Specials - they are being cheap bastards on the food and beer special is $3 for a 16-oz Bud/Bud Light.
WH4 Hash 1169 -- Jan 25, 2008 -- 7:00pm -- Courthouse
Since I broke down my Year or Trail Newses last week, this announcement will just be a brief reminder of all the WH4-related fun cumming up in the next few days.
Jan 25 -- 7pm -- Outgoing Mismanagement Trail -- Courthouse
Jan 26 -- 8pm -- HOLIDAY PARTY -- 6 hours of fun! Details on the wh4 front page
Jan 27 -- 10am -- Holiday Party Recovery Run -- Alexandria
Jan 27 -- 3pm -- Incumming Mismanagement Trail -- Springfield
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Hash 1169 -- Jan 25, 2008 -- 7:00pm -- Courthouse Metro
Hares: Blows A Tranny, Duck Duck Bush, Jack Off Lantern, Dildo Shaggins, Bad Ditch
Cost: $5
Start: Courthouse Metro -- go to corner of 14th & Taft St
Directions: Take the Orange Line to Courthouse. Go up escalator. Follow marks to start.
Misc: A-A. Bag vehicle provided. Trail will be short, dry, flat.
OnOnOn:
Dr Dremo's Taphouse
2001 Clarendon Blvd
Arlington, VA 22201
Specials: Dremo's is my Special Place
On OUT,
Blows A Tranny
WH4 Hash 1168 -- Jan 20, 2008 -- 3:00pm -- Brookland/CUA Metro
As this is my penultimate trail announcement, I thought I'd recap my trail newses McNewspaper style: with a statSHOT:
number of words (so far): 8308
instances of the word "vagina" and "penis": 1 each
number of U.S. Senators we've mocked: 3
number of dead clergymen we've mocked: 1
instances of the word "fucker": 2
number of times Turbo Twat brewcrewed: 10 (yes, all in 2007!)
number of "funny" links to things that aren't hash-related: 16
number of pieces of federal legislation discussed: 1
number of lessons on alcohol: 3
number of sonnets: 1
number of limericks: 2
instances of the word "Nantucket": 0
uses of the term "ass fucking": 4 (Oops, make that 5)
Thanks for reading, everyone! Type at you for the last time next week!
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17 Great Reasons to go to the WH4 Holiday Party: (Hint, they'll all be available at the open bar.)
- Guinness Stout
- Smithwick's Irish Amber
- Harp
- Tetley's English Ale
- Stella Artois
- Magic Hat #9
- Magic Hat Circus Boy
- Dogfish Head 60min IPA
- Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat
- Dogfish Head Chicory Stout
- Magic Hat Roxy Rolles
- Harpoon Winter
- Sierra Celebration
- Samuel Adams Winter Lager
- Wild Goose Snowgoose
- Yuengling Lager
- Coors Light
When we say open bar, we mean it!!
Print a Rego and cum join the fun! Or register online...---------
Upcumming Trails 1/25 -- Full Moon Trail feat. Outgoing Mismanagement -- Courthouse
1/27 -- Holiday Party recovery "trail" -- Alexandria
1/27 -- Incumming Mismanagement (be gentle. it's their first time.) --TBA ---------
Hash 1168 -- Jan 20, 2008 -- 3:00pm -- Brookland/CUA MetroHares: Haystack, Poop Weiner and Saskatchewsnatch
Cost: $5
Brew Crew: Shamrock Your Cock & Beer Fairy
Start: Brookland/CUA Metro
Directions: Click the link above and follow the directions Google gives you. Or ride the Red Line so you can drink you face off at the bar. NO SCHOOL ON MONDAY!
Misc: A-A. Shiggy, cold. Wet if it rains. Bring dry clothing and your drinking shoes. OnOnOn:
Cardinal's Nest
3748 10th St NE
Washington, DC
Specials: they will serve beer for us
OnOn,
Blows A Tranny
WH4 Hash 1167 -- Jan 13, 2008 -- 3:00pm -- Oxon Hill Farm
Be afraid! In two weeks' time, the WH4 Weekend Bender will be upon us. Starting on Friday, January 25th, White House will be hosting a Full Moon trail in Courthouse with apres-hash activities at the soon-to-be-shuttered Dr Dremo's Taphouse. I know Condo Valley (aka, the orange line in Arlington) doesn't have much in the way of interesting hashing terrain. To make up for that, there will many beer checks to break up the monotony. And as usual, circle will be mercifully short. Less Talky More Drinky! Trail will be mismanaged for the last time by a few of our outgoing mismanagement members (including your faithful Hareraiser).
On Saturday, January 26th, the WH4 Holiday Party will be held at Finn MacCool's ( 713 8th St SE; near Eastern Market Metro). Starting at 8pm and running until 2am, we will have real food, a great giveaway, a DJ, open bar with beer and mid-shelf liquor, and the potential to see some bare boobies. Carnival is the theme, and if I read that correctly it means the chicks should wear as little as possible, and the dudes get no guidance on attire at all. (Aside: Why do we bother with themes? Isn't every party theme just code for "Horny Guys and Scantily Clad Women"?) Masks and beads are encouraged for all.
On Sunday morning, we will have a recovery "run" as per usual at Hasher Humper and Spinal Tap's house. Less Running More Drinking! The goal will be to destroy their liquor supply. Details to follow.
Sunday afternoon will be our normal trail, hared by the incumming Mismanagement. Details to follow.
Whew. If, on Monday morning, you can remember anything from this weekend, you need more practice hashing. I recommend haring trail on the 20th, and cumming out to Oxon Hill for some Maryland shiggy on Sunday.
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HOLIDAY PARTAY
Jan 26th; 8pm
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Upcumming Trails
1/20 -- NEED HARES
1/25 -- Full Moon Trail feat. Outgoing Mismanagement -- Courthouse
1/27 -- Holiday Party recovery "trail" -- Alexandria
1/27 -- Incumming Mismanagement (be gentle. it's their first time.) --TBA
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Hash 1167 -- Jan 13, 2008 -- 3:00pm -- Oxon Hill Farm
Hares: Rear End Loader, Just Erica, Mystery Hare(s)
Cost: $5
Brew Crew: PSA & Easy Like Sunday Morning
Start: Frank's -- 6308 Livingston Rd, Oxon Hill, MD
Directions: Get yourself to the Beltway on the Maryland side. Take Exit 3B (210 N toward Forest Heights). Turn left on Oxon Hill Rd and follow it a half-mile to Livingston. Look for wankers and hash.
Misc: A-A. Shiggy, cold, and Maryland. Bring a translator and Maryland currency in addition to the usual dry clothes and shoes. OnOnOn:
Frank's Sports Bar
6308 Livingston Rd
Oxon Hill, MD
Specials: $8 cheap beer
OnOn,
Blows A Tranny