Hash Trash #1155

Hash Trash #1155 October 21, 2007 Shirlington

Hares: Blows A Tranny, Dildo Shaggins, Can’t Find Pussy In A Haystack, Silver Spooge

Brew Crew: Hot Lunch, Takes It Up The Eh.

Virgins: Just Shirley, Just Kim

Visitors: Tabletop Bouncer – Homeless, Just Amy – Rhode Island, Just Jim – Silicone Valley, Vagina Whiner – Harrisburg Hershey, Louisville Sucker – Kimche H3, Sing Me A Thong – I didn’t get from where.

Long Time No Seers: Reach Around

Analversaries: Nasty When Wet – 25, Gimme A Dick – 100

Beer Bitch: Just Axel (Long live GNR!!!)

So according to Silver Spooge, the trail was like his sister; curvy, wet, and leaves scratch marks. However, I have it on good authority that unlike this trail, Spooge’s sister really does have a wet, stinky tunnel. I guess incest is best. Seriously, how can you find that much water and shiggy in the Village of Shirlington? It’s like these hares are all using divining rods or something. We all got wet, which is so much nicer when we’re talking about spending time with Spooge’s sister (and his mom when we’re really lucky), and we enjoyed the trek through hill, dale, and apartment complex thereafter. So, let’s get to the stupidity, ‘cause there was plenty of it.

Violations:

Plays With Sticks, Louisville Sucker, & Just Shirley: New Shoes. All got to drink from them except Just Shirley. As she’s a virgin, Vagina Whiner got to do the honors for her. Let’s hope he got to do the honors to her later.

Wookin Pa Nub: Apparently spend his whole time on trail straddling poles. I can’t imagine why Nubby doesn’t get more action.

Nasty When Wet: Tells Dairy Queen “I haven’t met you. What’s your name?” To which DQ replies “We were making out at the Lingerie Run.”

Hares: Held the beer check at a place called “Sure Shot” with neither a shot check nor a money shot. We got robbed!

Just Shirley: Overheard on trail saying “I’m wet, but not in a good way.” Really this one should have been for all harriers letting her down on this issue.

Tastes Great Always Willing: Not so willing to cross the stream. So much for that naming.

Hokie No Pokie: Led half the pack back 40 from a BC 20. Needs to lead the pack back to kindergarten, I think.

Wookin’ Pa Nub: Spent Saturday night naked in bed with a hot women (as yet unnamed, and therefore unconfirmed), and got NO LOVIN’.

Blows A Tranny: Got angry at Underground Railroad for grabbing his package. Unacceptable hash behavior.

Underground Railroad: If Tranny got angry, you’re doing it wrong. Come to my place for lessons.

Just Shirley: Told Jeffe Lengua “As long as you don’t use your tongue, it’s okay.” First, no it’s not. Second, do you know his name?

And thank God there was some Hash Shit present! Apparently, Rosary Anal Beads Had the Hash Shit for claiming immunity. Just so you know, this isn’t Survivor, okay? The competition to take the Hash Shit wasn’t very enthusiastic, but here’s the summary:

Rosary Anal Beads: One more week!

Tooth Fairy: Michael Vick impersonation by hosting a dog fight at the start, starring Irritable Bow Wow Syndrome.

Wookin’ Pa Nub: Vanity. Apparently nub doesn’t like his own ass.

Blows A Tranny: Planned the circle in a location where I’d Tap That wouldn’t fit. The vertical clearance in the parking garage was just a little to low for her.

Motormouth: For needing a Gay Guy and a Dildo to be a winner.

And the winner is…Rosary Anal Beads

And then it was on out to Capital City Brewing Company, where the specials weren’t quite what we had hoped, but the freebies from your sister and your mom more than made up for it.

On On, Gay Guy Counter

1154 Balls-Town

#1154 October 14, 2007 Ballston

Hares: CRAFTY, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Mr. Magoo

Virgins: Just Patrick, Just Karen (No idea who made them cum, but here’s hoping that somebody did!)

Visitors: Dick Cherry Tracy, Funties (??)

Brew Crew: That adorable duo… Thong Butt Not Forgotten and Gay-Rod

Beer Bitch: Underground Railroad (Apparently made some comment along the lines of “I’ve never been beer bitch before… hmm”)

Analversaries: Nothing of note…

Long Time No Seers: Can’t remember their names because they never come around anymore…

OnOnOn: Buffalo D’s

No scribes actually ran this trail… but we hear it wasn’t half bad. I mean… it was sh!tty. It was a sh!tty, sh!tty trail. There might have been a scribe on trail, but she couldn’t find the start… even though it was at the parking deck we’ve been to 537 times before.

Violations:

Underground Railroad: Lazy auto-hashing… caught a ride for the last 50 feet of trail.

Just Lisa: Stopped to take a squat on trail, got up and promptly ran into a wall. We cheer this particularly lame violation however, because she had to take her top off to show us her injuries. Hooray for bras.

Motormouth: Rendezvous with Just Terry… she thought she was on the midnight express, turns out she was on the short bus and had to get off (kinda the point really). Shouldn’t we really be violating Just Terry for this one???

Knee Deep Pussy High: Felt that Bob Boblaw’s birthday was a good excuse for her to get wasted… and she’s right, it was.

Mr. Magoo: Thought he could class up the walker’s trail with a wine tasting… not too classy if you’re using Boone’s Farm though!

Just Jen (Jess?): Discovered that size, in fact, does matter while attempting to steal another hasher’s shoes.

It’s Buttfucking Time: Made a booty call during circle… and it wasn’t to who you think it was! Ok yeah… it was ;-)

Hash Shit:

Drip Dry: Bringing her bike on the walker’s trail (this is a lame nomination)

Motormouth: Being a weak songmeister (come on… we can do better than this)

Just Lisa: For showing her bra (are we discouraging this behavior now??)

…and the “winner” is…

Rosary Anal Beads: Thought somehow she was immune to the Hash Shit… and saw fit to announce that.

Time for a naming! And it’s none other than our favorite bra flasher of the day, Just Lisa. Just Lisa hails from Gaithersburg, works in Biotech Manufacturing, and enjoys long walks on the beach. This dirty little minx also lost her virginity on her parents’ bed at age 13! Don’t worry though; it wasn’t to one of her parents…

There were a few weak nominations in reference to losing her virginity (Lucky 13, Almost 14, Oceans 15) but these didn’t make it past the first cut. In honor of her violation, Wallbanger was suggested… funny, but not funny enough. When asked about her sexual exploits she replied with I’m Always Willing. (Happy to hear it, but we’re trying to name you here…) Some clever (or dyslexic) hasher heard that and suggested Willing All Ways, but it didn’t take.

The RA, Can’t F*ck Dust, simply wasn’t impressed with the suggestions and attempted to throw her back, at which point she asked, “what does that mean? I have to get On My Knees Again?” (Well, if you’re offering… but let’s go ahead and get you named first).

Thanks to the rallying efforts of one loud-mouthed hasher (no, it wasn’t Motormouth) WH4 is proud to present the newly dubbed, Tastes Great, Always Willing. She’s a hasher, she’s true blue…

On On,

Cleopapsmear. Editors note: this was Cleo's first time. Everyone please, congratulate her on finally popping her cherry.

1153 Georgetown

#1153 October 7, 2007 Georgetown

Hares: Small Wonder, Vodka Running Wall 7, Gimme An Oohhh, Can’t Fuck Dust

Virgins: Just Liz (btw, she made herself cum. You go girl!)

Visitors: Vagina Whiner, Tour Duh Puke, Executive Spread, Wines a lot, Wish It Were Longer (yeah don't we all!), Nipples Erectus, Avalanch, Mr. Bean, Rotton Whore, Lifa, Major Lying Bastard. Yeah, there were a load of you out-of-towners, and I didn’t write down any of your names. Write your name and home hash on the back of a $20 bill and send it to me so I can edit the trash for you.

Brew Crew: Turbo Twat (this is 2 weeks in a row on Brew Crew for Turbo, you boys better step up and find out what her needs are and how you can meet them!!), and Stop the Erection.

Beer Bitch: Just Eric

Analversaries: Gimme An Oohhh, Milk Money, Wooly Mammaries, Turbo Twat

Long Time No Seers: Jag Queen, Cock Rate Monitor, Leave It In Beaver, Microsoft, Mount My Rear, Silver Spooge, Summer’s Eve, Nipples Erectus

OnOnOn: The Guards

This trail ended quite a week of debauchery known as the DC Red Dress Run. After an entire weekend of wearing women’s clothing, it was back in the closet for all the negligees, bustiers, and harriers who love wearing them (I know who you are). The hares were kind enough to show all those visitors that you can in fact find shiggy in downtown DC even when your mom’s not there. Despite a relatively low key (read: hung over) pack, there was plenty to talk about at the end circle. Violations were abundant.

Violations:

Hares: Worst mouthwash shot check ever! “SC” isn’t supposed to mean Scope Near. And for being properly demonstrating Safety Third techniques by having the pack run down the Clara Barton Pkwy (in case anyone is unaware there is no sidewalk, you only have 3 inches of cushion.... more than most men can say)

Obeastiologist: Ran up a dead end street to find a false trail exactly where he had set one about 6 weeks earlier.

Richie Cum In Hand: Stops at Rosary Anal Beads’ front door hoping for a little on-trail quickie. After being rebuffed, he rejoined the pack.

3 Holer: Short cut right to DFL, while refusing to follow two of the best short cutters in DC (Follow The Bleeder and French Toasted).

Obeastiologist: Correctly Zens the trail, then stops because he didn’t want to cut off too much. Titly, I hope you’re not betting on circumcising any boys you two have.

Follow The Bleeder: Short cutting with Obeastiologist, and agreed that they should stay on trail.

Rotten Whore: Bragging about all the sex she COULD have had over the weekend. We’ve heard that before. Regardless, if you’re having sex at the hash, make sure it’s safe…ty third!

Just Liz: Virgin hasher ran ahead of the walker pack and got lost.

Tooth Fairy: Stands looking into the mug bin and asks “Is there another mug bin?” only to determine that his is missing from the bin because it’s already in his hand.

Hares: Safety Third Violation for sending the pack on a two-lane road with no sidewalk. It’s not fun to be road kill, okay? I’m having a little deja violation on this one.

Motormouth and Presidential Nasty: Coordinating outfits of navy blue and black. The coordination convinces us that you’re watching Queer Eye enough that you should know those colors don’t match.

This one was on the honor system: Everyone who was too drunk to remember the rest of the RDR night. And everyone who actually had to read a hash necklace to figure out who they hooked up with.

Snap Crackle Poop: remaining monogamous to a detachable penis for 3 weeks now.

Racists: Everyone who managed to remain sober enough to run the Army 10 Miler. Obviously they didn't get a lap dance from some random girl like Motor Mouth did, otherwise everyone would have still been at Rear End Load's house.

Hash Shit:

Knee Deep Pussy High had the Hash Shit for engaging in some manner of stupidity. The following wankers offered to take it off her hands:

Obeastiologist: Probably just for being Obeastiologist

Roll Over Bitch: Couldn’t wait to get to the bar to hit on virgin Just Liz, and was trying to get laid in circle. This violation was an obvious (and effective) attempt at a vicious cock(y) block.

Tooth Fairy: Buying new shoes and bringing them to the hash in the box.

Red Eyed Vagina: He was neglected as a child and decided to compensate for his lack of attention with a megaphone. Really he just wanted to be louder than Motor Mouth.

Snap Crackle Poop: For excess enjoyment of his penis.

Slurpee: She did something but I was wasted when she was being violated, I mean really really wasted, like sluring my words, like hitting on everyone and every thing including animals. Oh wait I wasn't wasted, Slurpee was. That's why she deserved the hash shit.

Winn Dickme and Put It Out: Swimming in the sewage overflow known as the Potomac.

And the winner is…Snap Crackle Poop!

And then we named Just Eric! We might not have done so, except for the ass pounding he received from a few choice harriettes. Check out the evidence page to see the damage these otherwise nice girls inflicted on poor Just Eric. Recommended names include:

Rosy Cheeks

Bloody Cheeks

Broken Skin To Win

Ass Pounded

Slap Happy

Five At A Time

But because he’s apparently a gentle and faithful man, we named him Turn The Other Cheek!

Somehow, we also decided we had to engage in a speed naming. Our lovely contestant for this event was Vodka Running Wall 7. All we know is that her favorite actor is Matt Damon. So, recommendations were:

Good Will Cunting

How About These Nipples

And the prize for our contestant…The Porn Identity!

On On,

Gay Guy Counter and Cock A Doodle Do Me, peace out bitches!