Hash 1136 "The Columbia Heights death march, RIP SSBB. I miss you SSBB, I love you SSBB, I love you so hard. One day we'll be reunited and celebrate the golden nectar of the gods. Until then I will encourage all harriettes to run topless to celebrate the happiness and joy you brought to others." July 16, 2007

Hares: Test Tube Baby and Back Snatch

Ononon: Wonderland Ballroom

Analversaries, brew crew, virgins, visitors: maybe they we had some and maybe we didn't. Most likely we did but after someone presented Motor Mouth a beer with a breast on each side...... He temporarily stopped thinking. But then again who wouldn't. The attached picture is purely for visual pleasure, no beers or breast were harmed in the making of this photo.

Now on to the trail:

Have you ever seen the preview to a scary movie?

You either feel one of two things

"Wow, that's gonna be scary, I can't wait to see it"

Or

"Wow, that's gonna be scary, I think I'll stay home"

The later is how most of us felt when we read the Hareline …

BackSnatch, Test Tube Baby and the two Just who tried to name themselves at Columbia Heights this week.

"Wow, that's gonna be scary, I can't wait to see it"

(my first big mistake)

So me and 80 intrepid hashers show up early, find no marks and go drinking. Eventually we realized the moved the start and we meet up with everyone. Note to WHMM, timeliness is next to godliness and since we are all gods: Dust is taking hash cash, Motormouth acting scribe since the regular scribes were TDY, Blah Blah Blah is late, Jack Off Latern is even later, and the Hare Raiser knew enough not to show up (actually he and the scribe were busy celebrating last weeks analversary, but that doesn't make for a good hash trash story so....... back to the trail).

After Introducing a few of the virgins and a few of the out of towners, all for the purposes of hooking up later at the bar, and a weak rendition of "Father Abraham" the pack was off. Directly into A LOT of Urban Shiggy, ie a lot of running straight DOWN followed by going straight UP (wait is this the trash or a Paula Abdul song?)!

And then some more up and down and sideways action (which is great when you are in bed, but not so good when you are trying not to twist your ankle on the side of a mountain in 90 heat)

After ignoring a number of perfectly good beer check locations, we finally end up at the Cleveland park on-in location.

Note, this is about 3.5 miles since we started running and more then 2 miles we still need to go.

We wait about 45 minutes for the whole pack to be medevac'ed in, we name Just Ken as beer bitch

All the runners promise to "take it easy" on the second half. Riiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhhhtttttttttt, that's sort of like what a cougar says says to a fawn right before pouncing.

And we finally make it in........ well sort of.

Can't Fuck Dust and Seamen on the Pew (after his safe return to us) are so lost on trail that we start circle without them Jack Off Lantern properly chastises the hares, the visitors and the virgins

And then the violations start:

Snatchatory Rape is apparently a Cinnabon fan but yelled to the pack "I don't like the buns, just the icing and the sweet nuts"

Rosary Anal beads responded that "she didn't like the nuts"

The hares were violated for getting lost on their on trail, and losing the RA by sweeping in front of him

European Swallow and Eat's Street Meat were out "running" when they ran into the pack and decided to join us for a hash.

The hash shit was present and Drip Dry did her darndest to get rid of it.

-Obestiologist was nominated for saying there were too many vagina's at the hash, only because he's worried Vagiant might get an inferiority complex.

-Motormouth stated at the beer check "Save your violations to the end I'm to 'Wit' right now" apparently WET and WHITE sound the same to some people

-Seamen on the Pew was nominated for (insert why here)

-But the winner was Dairy Queen, while in Spain surrounded by hundreds of hot half naked women he chose to drunk dial Obeastiologist.

We also had to say goodbye to our beloved Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

Her repair bills have gotten so high, that even Canadian Medical Insurance wouldn't cover her. Eh??

We toasted, and promised a replacement beer van soon.

The two hares were named …

Just Adam got his vasectomy as a present for Just Libby (or is it the other way around?) and has a secret S & M side

Henceforth and Forever More

Just Libby will be known as Speedy Cumzales

And Just Adam will be known as Whipped and Snipped.

Beer was drank and the world was made safe once more, but for how long …only the Shadow knows!

OnOut,

MotorMouth with contributions from Cocky

#1135 July 9, 2007 U St. Metro

Hares: Tit-ly Winks, Obeastiologist, Peace O’ Chum
Virgins: Just Andrew
Visitors: Bunzilla (Beijing), Sodom-Me!
Beer Bitch: Daffy Fuck
Long Time Noseers: Nasty When Wet
Analversaries: Blows A Tranny (69 runs) and Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me (69 runs)
Brew Crew: Thong Butt Not Forgotten and Gay Rod
OnOnOn: Stetsons

Two live hares in two weeks can only mean two things: it’s summer time in Washington and the WH4 kennel remembers what it means hash!

With a heat index of well over 100 degrees today only the heartiest (or most masochistic) of you showed up. But where was the shiggy we were promised? Where was the waist deep PI we were “warned about?” Instead we were treated to a 5 mile, pavement pounding Tour de Alleys and a trail laid cleverly enough to lose Put It Out who rolled into ending circle 45 minutes after the walkers.

He wasn’t the only one was fashionably late. Two Lips in the Bush and Bob Loblaw showed up at the beer check with barely enough time to toss one back before runners were On-Out. They were overheard bitching about there being no flour on the Eagle trail (that’s because there was no Eagle trail…that’s what you get for zenning boys!)
Drip Dry was another late arrival at the beer check, but she knows how to make an entrance. When she heard that the walker’s trail was going to be just over 3 miles, she went back to get her bike. Drip Dry “bashed” her way to the BC and arrived talking on her cell phone...sipping Chardonay.

That's right boys and girls, there was no shortage of people to laugh at today. Other violatable hashers include:

Bob Loblaw: For putting "Safety Third!" when deciding that removing the frayed edges of his jeans by jumping the campfire was a good idea.

AKA Newbie ran the hash with neon green hand weights. Mom may have taught us to "never go in empty handed" but there were plenty of harriers who would have helped her out with this. The weights were really unneccessary.

Please Step Away From the Whores was still bitching about last weeks trail at this one (get a life) and it turns out he drove all the way to VA Beach last weekend for a date, and the guy stood him up!

This past weekend at the pre-camping trip camping trip, Jack-Off Lantern challenged Knee Deep Pussy High to a shotgun contest. After strategically warming up his beer in his junk he still got his ass kicked by Knee Deep.

Back Snatch got so fired up on today's trail that he had to ask a guy in Dupont to hose him down.

Slash Master & Cute for a Sasquatch have been hashing with us under assumed hash names since the Spring. Apparently they git their kicks out of traveling the world, visiting different kennels and telling each hash that they were named in St. Kits. Excellent. Liars should fit in splendidly here!

But why waste your time with violations when there is a Hash Shit to give away?! And the nominees are...

Drip Dry: Not only did she "bash" today's trail, earlier this after noon Shamrock Your Cock called her up and asked, "Hey Whatcha doin'?" Drip Dry bitched, "I have been screwing ALL DAY!" To which Shamrock replied, "Then why are you so cranky?!"

AKA Newbie: The hand weight thing (see above)

Spinal Tap: For riding bitch on the Harley while Hasher Humper drove.

That "no name" couple from above.

Peace O' Chum for starting todays trail with a chalk dildo and finishing with a worn down nub.

Put It Out for showing up at ending circle after all and ruining all of our plans for the 1st Annual Put It Out Memorial Hash.

And the Hash Shit goes to...Drip Dry

We also managed to squeeze a naming into this funfilled extravaganza. Just Diana has been hashing with us for awhile now and we thought it was time to get to know her better.

Here's the scoop on Just Diana:
GMU grad, studied Arts and Visual Technology. Favorite animal is a horse. Likes lesbo fun, like "motorboating", but the last time she had sex it was with a guy... over 7 months ago. Fav sexual position is doggie style, "of course!", she says. She has been hanging out on several different boats lately, including Motormouth's, and has projectile vomited off of them, several times. When she was 16, she was making out with a guy 9 years older than her in a car, and they got busted... by cops.... so, they ran from the cops.

Some suggested names:
Cobwebs
Jailbait
Riker's Dryland
Dry Socket
Conjugal Visit
Blowlita
But the winner was... "Snatchutory Rape"

OnOn,
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