Hash #1122 April 22, 2007
Hash #1122 April 22, 2007 Pick your Hole Hash
Location: Wolf Trap area
Hares: Read My Lips, Bad Ditch, I Dream of Weenie & Yellow Submarine
OnOnOn: A bar, a place to drink other than a parking lot.
Virgin’s: Just Paul (married), Just Jen (single), Just Stephanie (single), and Just Dawn (single). Pay attention her boys, all the single virgins are women. Play nice.
Visitors: Slut Town USA (Philadelphia), Just Jen (MVH)
Beer Bitch: Just Jen
Beer Sampler: Duck Duck Bush
Analversaries: Two Lips in the Bush (169 runs), Pond Scrum (69 runs) & Winn Dick Me (25 runs)
Of late I've decided that the hash just like thin feminine looking transvestites can be deceptive. On that note, never underestimate the abilities of a pregnant hare. I approached this trail thinking, "ah this will be a walk around the block." Wrong. Read My Lips, Bad Ditch, I Dream of Weenie & Yellow Submarine found every tunnel in wolf trap while Sir Shaves A Lot found every pot smoking teenage hang out. Or maybe he was just looking for something flat and dry. Texas T & A later emphasized the moisture aspect of the trail by finding every tunnel's wet floor.
Obviously this was a tough trail full of surprises. Unfortunately, despite ample material and opportunity, Topher the Gopher Chauffeur aka A Salt My Ass didn't do anything impressively stupid. More than anything I have to question the intelligence of Just Jen, she willingly drove ASMA to the hash after he promised her his first born (psst....I think that ship has already sailed).
We had a drink-off between Mother May I and And How’s Her Bush to resolve an unsettled contest from the Hash O’Limpsicks. In the down-down competition Mother May I got it down but couldn’t keep it down while And How’s Her Bush couldn’t even finish the damn thing.
Seriously folks, this was a kick a$$ trail, next time I see that a hare is 8 months pregnant I will have two thoughts. 1. did I take my birth control pill this morning and 2. this trail is going to rock!!
Violations:
Jack-Off Lantern: Pissing on the hash marks during the FRB trail in the Hash O’Limpdicks.
Just Jen: For bringing A-Salt My Ass to the hash today
I Dream of Weenie: While on trail we came across a stash of empty O’Douls bottles in the woods behind their house.
Butt Brown Ale: Got drunk and shaved his head under the guise of childhood cancer research, when all he really wanted was the T-shirt.
Hokie No Pokie: Wearing Texas T & A’s clothes at circle.
- Jack-Off Lantern: jealousy reared it's ugly head when JOL watched Winn Dick-Me roll up in her fab '89 toyota convertable and feared she would get all the guys.
- Cheeze Wiz: Stood in line for sloppy thirds. Way to hold out!
- Two Lips In The Bush and Double Header: sharing razors to shave their legs.
- Just Paul: Joined the Army choir to meet chicks and was surprised when dudes asked him out.
- Motor Mouth: Screamed with delight after running through a pile of leaves that that was the most action he's had all year.
Hash Shit:
Motor Mouth brought the Hash Shit after taking it on a whirlwind tour of the Texas Interhash. Nominations included:
Blows A Tranny: For mounting Knee Deep Pussy High a little too rough on Saturday night.
Bad Ditch: For taking I Dream of Weenie & Yellow Submarine’s horse to MVH3 on Saturday, allowing her to shit and piss in the circle, bringing her home and telling Yellow Submarine that his horse got him the MVH3 hashshit.
Motor Mouth: For bitching and moaning about having the hashshit again.
Your winner: Motor Mouth. 1 more week!
After our Bronze Medal showing at the Hash O’Limpdicks on Saturday, White House has taken a page out of the Eastern European’s training program. We are apparently so desperate for wankers who can actually finish a beer (And How’s Her Bush) and FRBs with solid control over their bladders (Jack-Off Lantern) that we have begun recruiting harriers and harriettes from local Elementary Schools.
Today we named Just Donald, the result of Big Bird Terd & Dances With Dildo’sJust Donald is a 10 year old from West Briar Elementary School. His favorite subject is social studies, he is the Corner Back for his Pee-Wee football team, and he has a crush on a girl named Jessica. experimentation with ecstasy and Wild Turkey.
Suggested names included Figure Four Leg Lock (Just Donald was wearing a wrestling T-shirt), Little Bird Terd and Child Protective Services. The winning name was inspired by Just Donald’s embarrassed retelling of his rejection by Jessica when he asked her to dance at the West Briar Spring Social because he had walked through dog poo on the way to the school that night.
Hence forth at the White House Hash and throughout the world of hashing Just Donald will be known as, Dances With Terds.
OnOut,
Double Header & Cock A Doodle Do Me
#1121 April 15, 2007
#1121 April 15, 2007
Location: Lubber Run Park, Arlington
Hares: Lumberjack Off, Greenpiece of Ass, Jack Off Lantern
OnOnOn: El Ranchero
Virgins: Just Tracy and Just Matthew
Visitors: Fu King Lawyer, transplant from North Carolina Trash
Beer Bitch: Trojan
Guest Scribe: Blows A Tranny
Mother Earth didn't disappoint us on this Sunday's shitty Earth Day trail -- we got tastes of all Her elements -- Water, Earth, Wind and um, more Water. I showed up to find the hares mixing flour. Ever mindful of my hareraiser duties, I reminded him that trails in rainstorms are best pre-laid. That way you have a built in excuse when your trail sucks: "But it rained, what was I supposed to do?" But they opted to live-hare and thus were forced to take full responsibility for the trail. Ah well, next time they'll know.
Filling in for Hash Cash was Golder Showers, or was that Backdoor Buckaroo? Either way, killer hat. I'm going to make a note to arrive early for more trails, because you get to see some funny stuff. Queerly I'm Straight showed up in a suit and trenchcoat and and told everyone he was dressed that way because he was looking at condos that morning, as though that explained anything. Runway Snatch informed us that she wasn't planning on coming, but ran into Butt Brown Ale and Can't Fuck Dust having brunch. Eager to play down the "man date" angle, they brought Runway to the hash instead of keeping their previous plans of cuddling on the sofa by the fireplace. Lastly, Knee Deep Pussy High showed off her 80s-era goretex running jacket, but complained that there was something wrong because she was "wet on the inside." Sounds like everything's working fine to me, nudge nudge.
Onto the trail. The pack was rather small. Maybe it was the weather, or maybe because this Earth Day hash wasn't metro-accessible, and the buses run on a 4-hour schedule on Sundays. But there were enough people to solve checks. Bad Dog was clearly concerned about that, as I saw him up front for a few minutes. The trail started out innocently enough, meandering through suburban streets, and then descending into nicely maintained running trails. Soon however, we were hurtling down alpine-like slopes covered with wet vegetation. The fun didn't end there! After the first water crossing the hares seduced the pack into thinking all water crossing that day would be relaxing, smooth, and safe. However, at the next water crossing, all that went out the window. I got excited because I though we had a hare snare. Turns out Jack Off Lantern was acting as safety hare since were crossing some seriously fast-moving water that was about waist-high. Or neck high if you are Pubic Housing. JOL was offering helpful hints like, "face upstream so if you fall, you'll go into the rapids feet-first" and "keep your mouth closed -- we may need to use your dental records to identify your body." Trust me, it wasn't fun, it wasn't funny. It was dangerous. Regrettably, everyone survived.
Everyone (eventually) made it to the beer check, hosted by Fuck 'Em Danno and Senor Doucheberg. While there, we discovered that Read My Lips and Duck Duck Bush shop in the same trash can. Once again, killer hats. Trojan was named beer bitch. True Tail, Blank Shot Up The Ass, and Just Matthew made it in safely, despite rumors that they'd turned back. Our beer bitch got them all beers and they had a luxurious eight seconds in which to down them before the pack was off again.
The second half of the trail was highlighted by 10 checks in a row, yay for lack of creativity. Or more accurately, yay for a short second half!
Violations:
- Blows A Tranny for tiring out at least one of our scribes to the point where she didn't make it to the trail.
- editor's note, commentary from Cock a Doodle Do Me: Seriously, I wouldn't brag that much. I blame the fatigue on Sat night's open bar and pants off dance off contest. And where was Tranny while all this was going on? Napping on the couch, saving himself for Sunday's trail.
- True Tail, Knee Deep & Hokie No Pokie for doing their best to look homeless.
- Spinal Tap for having a hairy ass.
- Queerly I'm Straight for scheduling a meeting with his parole officer for Sunday afternoon.
- Butt Brown Ale for cross dressing. Hey, it makes him feel pretty.
Analversaries:Eleven shameful years of hashing for Bad Dog. This was an unsanctioned analversery, which means WH4 didn't give him any cash or tasteful prizes. No Hash Shit was present. It was in Texas with Motor Mouth, as well as numerous steers and queers.Special thanks to Thong Butt Not Forgotten and Gay Rod for leaving their pack of tiny, tiny dogs at home and brew crewing for us. Also for setting up that kickass tent.
OnOut,
Blows a Tranny
1118 Glenmont 3/25/07
HASH #1118: Glenmont Metro, Wheaton (Silver Spring), MD 20906
(Hey!! At least it's "Metro Accessible"!!)
DATE: Sunday, March 25th, 2007 - 3:00 p.m.
HARES: And How's Her Bush & Bavarian Bush
VISITORS: Brother Lover- San Juan, Return to Gender- Wisconsin, and Just Robert- Cameroon.
VIRGINS: Slutalicious and Just How Is Her Bush
BEER BITCH: Just Jason
BREW CREW: Hungry Hungry Homo, Yellow Submarinee
Between the warm Spring day, the opportunity to drink many beers for only $5, and the chance to see if you really are hung like a horse, the hashers were ready for an exciting trail. Unfortunately, I have to walk right now thanks to a knee injury and everyone decided to keep the details of trail secret so I'll leave the excitement of the trail to your imagination. Not unlike bragging about dating a super model who is actually incredible shy and busy so none of your friends have ever seen her but you swear she exists and that you are having sex. Seriously this is all true!!! She'll come out next time I promise but everyone has to be blindfolded to meet her.
So allow me to skip ahead to the more entertaining part of the trash, the VIOLATIONS BITCHES!!!!!
*Bob LoBlaw: At the start of the hash he commented, "what's that smell? Uh god it stinks." He then smelled himself and realized he might need to buy deodorant or shower or use soap or do laundry or wipe more often.
*Obeasteologist: bought, not one, but two dogs to cover up his server to needs medical attention flatulence problem.
*Test Tube Baby, Blank Shot Up the Ass, and True Tail: All ran the DC marathon, congratulations you all placed in the top 30% because the other 7 participants realized marathons are long and boring and hard.
*Runaway Snatch: She got lost on the walkers trail and rather then follow marks she went back to the start and enjoyed a 12 pack of Schlitz (seriously, Schlitz? who drinks that willingly?)
*Screws on First: She is now the proud owner of a dog just large enough to fit in Murphy's mouth in one bite.
*Duck Duck Bush: desperate to get laid, he broke out the Harvard track suit in hopes there are some gold digging women on the hash. Too bad the harriettes only care about size.
*Runway Snatch: went how to dinner with her taxi driver and still paid the cab fare.
*The Hares: Lost Design Her Bush before the trail started.
Special Announcement: Dialog between Bloody Asshole and Obeastiologist,
BA: "I love you dude."
Obz: "I love you too, dude."
BA: "Here. I got you a gift from the Okinawa hash."
Obz: "You are the best. How did you know I like mugs, beer, and t-shirts?"
BA: "I read your myspace page. And I'm saving one more special surprise for you, but you get to unwrap me, uh I mean that later tonight."
This was then followed by consuming liquids and a warm embrace.
Hash Shit:
Incumming hash shit: Queerly I'm Straight minus the actual hash shit because he lost is several times while standing in a small entirely white room. He still tried to represent by wearing the hash shit helmet of power!!!
Nominees: *Runway Snatch: wearing biker shorts and a denim jacket so that she and Queerly I'm Straight could match outfits.
*Bavarian Bush: forgot to use flour when laying the trail.
*Duck Duck Bush: Something about dudes and nipples, use imaginations here.
*Trojan: Dressed in a tiedye outfit having just come from the gay pride parade in Dupont.
*Butt Brown Ale: had to teach Queerly I'm Straight how to swallow. Noble effort trying to make the world less ignorant.
*Delivery Boy: Hashed 7xs in only 3 days, junkie!
*Free Willy: had her named changed to "One Eye Will" after hooking up with a glass eyed guy. HOT!!!
And the winner....... Runway Snatch, cheers to bringing back spandex.
Drinking then continued at the bar, metro, and later your Mom's house.
On Out,
Cock A Doodle Do Me
Trail #1119 April 1, 2007
Hash #1119 April 1, 2007 April Fools Hash
Location: East Falls Church
Hares: Can't Fuck Dust, Tits, Bob Loblaw, Winn Dick Me
OnOnOn: Clare ‘n’ Don’s
Virgin’s: Just Jeff, Just Bree and Just Judy
Visitors: None
Beer Bitch: Just Will
Analversaries: Test Tube Baby (269 runs)
[pictures]
As the weather gets nicer, more and more of you wankers come crawling out drowsy heroin dens and stale brothels where you spend the winter months to grace us with your pasty complexions. The long time no seers were too many to count today. There’s Two Lips in the Bush just home from a year in the sand box, I Dream of Weenie showed off what she’s “expecting” while Duck Job and Fiddy Dollar Bitch displayed the evidence of their negligent use of prophylactics. Ahh…spring has sprung.
For many of you over achievers the day began with a 10 mile warm up which had you stumbling along on trail with breaking blisters (Little Red Ride Me Good) and burning quads. Suckers.
Schlong Time Coming threw out Tri-Ass-a-Thong’s back breaking in their new sex swing on Saturday night. Casanada didn’t miss an opportunity to provide a chiropractic adjustment for her at the beer check.
Yellow Submarine came down with a case of explosive diarrhea and shat on trail, blaming it on his horse.
Today was also the coming out party for Summer’s Eve & KP’s gay love child, Just Will. We popped his cherry and christened him with a new name.
The hash shit went to Runway Snatch who ran unopposed. She was awarded the honor for the second week for her impression of Queerly I’m Straight and polluting Four Mile Run with recycled Mimosas. She only incriminated herself further when she reached into her work bag and pulled out a pair of zip ties to affix her contribution to the shit. Gotta love a girl who’s always ready for a good cuffing.
Two of you walked away from today’s trail with a little more than you brought with you. I am not referring to Crouching Tiger Hidden Boner’s case of the clap; it’s called a naming people.
Just Will didn’t get a chance to tell us much about himself. His face earned him his name. Nominations included Smells Like Fish, Summer’s Bitch, Kandy Douche and Spring Douche. None of these quite captured the essence of the resemblance, however. Henceforth and throughout the world of hashing Just Will is now the Massengil Man.
Not wanting to miss out on all the attention from you sexy harriettes Just Jason stripped off his shirt, dropped to his knees and relinquished himself to the molesting hands of Little Red Ride Me Good. Just Jason is a pilot who works out a lot and enjoys playing out S & M fantasies. He has reported to the flight deck late after particularly juicy fantasies in the past. Suggestions for names included Small Cock Pit, Red Barron, Poor White Trash, Quiefer Sutherland and Tail Hook. None of these captured his character quite as well as Palm Pilot though.
OnOn
Double Header
The Funny Scribe
(April Fools)
