#1116 March 11, 2007

Hash #1116 March 11, 2007 Hairless Hash

Location: Wakefield Park, Annandale

Hares: Thong Butt Not Forgotten, Gay-Rod, Put It Out and White Kane

OnOnOn: Kilroy's

Virgin’s: Just Erica, Just Joe

Visitors: Dirty Dog

Beer Bitch: Queerly I’m Straight

Analversaries: One Ringy Dingy (69 runs)

The sun was shining beautifully, the weather was mild and all of you psychos came crawling out of the hole you’ve been living in all winter to remind us that you haven’t fallen off the face of the Earth…yet. There was Wooly Mammaries whose higher order thinking skills were impaired by the sunlight causing him to decide it was a good idea to bring a German shepherd who “doesn’t like other dogs” to a hash where we had 6 other dogs show up. He was followed closely by 4 hashers who came to show off their serious changes personal grooming.

The first half of trail felt more like a property viewing with Read My Lips, except she usually shows you places you would like to spend the night. This trail was laid like a S.H.I.T. hash, without the smoke breaks. At the first beer check Suck yer Dad was spotted heading into the woods. A few minutes later he was seen pulling a rusty shopping cart out of the stream. Looks like he won’t need that property viewing after all Read My Lips, he found his home!

The second half of trail was the one we were promised with shoe sucking mud, frigid stream crossings and dark, wet spaces you just want to crawl inside of. Some of you were on trail, some of you were off on the way in to the second beer check. Silver Spooge carried True Tail across the water and proudly exclaimed, “I didn’t get her wet!” Take it from this girl, Spooge, that’s nothing to brag about.

We headed on in to our usual ending spot in Annandale and Can’t F*ck Dust lead us in what can loosely be called a circle. The main attraction of the afternoon were the 3 shaved harriers and one seriously groomed harriette. Read My Lips chopped her luxurious brown mane to donate to Locks for Love while Can’t F*ck Dust, Chewbacca and Butt Brown Ale all shaved their heads to raise money for “Childhood cancer research.” Although if you talk to Butt Brown Ale’s on the side, he’ll tell you he actually shaved in solidarity with Britney Spears. Can’t F*ck Dust managed to lose control of the circle twice and also succeeded in selecting the worst Beer Bitch in White House history.

Violations included:

• For Sale or Rent: Confused Overachiever for trying to run on the walker’s trail.

• Butt Brown Ale: Put sunless tanning lotion on his freshly shown head to try to make it match the fake tan on the rest of his body.

• Can’t F*ck Dust and Butt Brown Ale: or should we call them “Dr. Evil” and “Mini Me?”

• Blows A Tranny and French Toasted (this was my bad French Toasted and Jack Off Lantern look like twins with their clothes on) for advertising their special needs by wearing plastic helmets. Hello Hotties!!
  
• Pond Scrum: Wanted to see if there really is life after death, so he peed on an electric fence. Too bad it there was no current otherwise we'd have a Darwin Award Winner at the hash.
  

Hashit came and we gave it away. The nominees were:

• Fire in the Hole: for swinging the dog leash she had hanging around her neck and catapulting the beer in her hand across the circle.

• Test Tube Baby: For being guilty of knocking over the beer in last weeks circle and blaming Jack Off Lantern who got the Hashit for it.

• Queerly I’m Straight: For being the most delinquent Beer Bitch in WH4 history.

• Editor's note, comments from Queerly I'm Straight on being Beer Bitch:
  
• Seriously guys being a beer bitch is extremely challenging. Do you know how hard it is to pour beer into cups and hand said cups out to people? Well let me tell you, it's a bitch! And it takes time away from rubbing my bare chest on young fertileharrietts. And it's near impossible not to slip on all the beer you spilled trying to show me how to serve beer, do I look like work at TGI Fridays? Next you want a beer, get it yourself!
  

And the winner is…Queerly I’m Straight.

Before you leave! As if this circle needed to go on any longer…we had a naming!

Just Anna couldn't get on her knees fast enough. First a little background. She studied ancient literature or drank a lot of beer and smoked some weed at the Univ of Lose My Virginity. Her favorite farm animal is the pig, look out boys if you short and a little pudgy she might hit on you. And most important of all, she would rather fuck a horse than Chuck Norris (not too surprisings). Well with info like that, numerous names were suggested:Scroticulous, Anna on My Banana, Jumper in the Door, Seaman Biscut, Roll me Over, and Cooch Potato. And the winner based on her fetish for pleasuring herself while watching Discovery Channel, Just Anna will hence forth and forever more be known as Cooch Potato.

Cooch Potato then went home to satisfy herself while everyone else went to the on after.

On Out,

#1115 - March 4, 2007 - Ladies Night

WH4 Trail #1115 – March 4, 2007 – Ladies Night

Location: Cleveland Park Metro – Red Line

Hares:

OnOnOn: Atomic Billiards

Virgins: Just Angie (single), Just Barbara (married) and Just Christina (single)

Visitors: Just Carrie (Houston) and Just Assflac (Chicago)

Beer Bitch: Big Bang

Brew Crew: Wookin Pa Nub and Please Step Away from the Whores

Analversaries: none

This is Double Header and Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me reporting to you on the ass-ent that was the 1,115^th hash of WH4. Cocky, I have to say, things didn’t look good from the start when the hares couldn’t agree on how many Turkey/Eagle splits were on trail, but the surprise at the end made it all worth while.

The runners were on-out and on-up, up, and up. You’d think with this being Ladies Night a girl could have found a little action going down. Not on this trail. The hares neglected to include “sherpa” on their list of things to bring. Fortunately Red Eye Vagina showed up in case anyone needed to be rescued at altitude. Apparently there was a run on flour this week because our hares were marking very conservatively. Turbo Twat, leave your teaspoon at home next time, reach down and grab a healthy handful. If you have questions, talk to Bad Ditch, she’s an old pro at this. At one point the runners came upon Put-It-Out sitting in the woods, rocking back and forth mumbling something about “Last mark? Anybody seen last mark?” It was sad really.

The runners came stumbling out of Rock Creek Park to the beer check. Read My Lips spotted 3 cowboys galloping through and open field and offered them each blow job if they would let her straddle their steeds. She managed to get rejected by all 3, it seems that her cowboy gay-dar is faltering with Backdoor Buckaroo away.

Meanwhile on the walkers trail, Mr. Magoo showed everyone the proper position for "men" when the lady is on top after he landed flat on his back taking the chicken trail split. Silver Spooge then nervous Mr. Magoo would be swarmed by all the ladies and wanted some tail for himself, asked every harriette to massage his groin. After being turned down by the harriettes, Silver Spooge then moved on to the male hashers.

From the beer check ending circle was only a quickie away, but the surprise in store was well worth getting screwed. The hares had laid out their best spread. Burgers, dogs, cookies and peeps. Chicken Fucker took the meat out of his mouth long enough to announce that the best part of being FRB was the hot sausage sandwich waiting for him at the end. He got violated for that, as did some of you other wankers:

• Rose Butt: overheard telling Mellow Foreskin Cheese about a new fungal treatment that he hoped would work this time.

• Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me and Peace O’ Chum: racists for running the Baltimore-Annapolis half marathon this morning.

• Winn Dickme and Horney Grail: decided turn the turkey trail into an O, o, o, God trail.
• Cleopapsmear: too cheep for IVF, is now collecting used condoms and storing them in her freezer for later use.
• Mind the Clap: When asked to donate her hair to Locks of Love was confused about where the 10inches of hair should come from. Needless to say she did not choose the hair on her head.
• Assflac: he was sooo excited to be back with pudjam that in preparation for his visit he wanted to make his package look bigger. So he shaved his balls. Ouch!
• Can't find pussy in a haystack: can't find a true trail sign either even when he's standing on it.
• CumDumpling: Said, "Cock tastes awesome with a little bbq sauce." Not that there's anything wrong with being gay but.....

After last weeks debacle with the Hashit, we were glad to have it back for a do over. The nominee’s were:

• Assflac: stand in for A Salt My Ass, equally intelligent and better looking. Look out ladies!!
  

• Test Tube Baby: For last week’s trail

• Turbo Twat: competitive haring, she wouldn’t share the trail map with Bad Ditch because she “didn’t want her to know the trail better than me.”

• Hokie No Pokie: He’s been too safe lately

• Jack-Off Lantern: Even with a condom from 1999, he still couldn't get laid. Not updating his porn collections since 1985, he must love tan lines. And at crucial moment he kicked over his beer, thus exposing long standing record of alcohol abuse.

And the winner is…Jack-Off Lantern for alcohol abuse.

Everyone then skipped along to Atomic Billiards for some jolly good wholesome fun! ie trying to see how many masticated chicken wings fit up Bob Loblah's butt.

OnOut

#1114 - February 25, 2007