WH4 Hash 1100 – Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 ***1:00 PM*** – Fairfax Hunt Club

This week we celebrate our 1100th Hash. It's better than your average hash. See section 4 below.

If you haven't noticed, the DC area Hare Raisers are realizing that our tenures are about to come to an end. You may have also noticed that the announcements put out by the Hare Raisers are reaching a new level of crappyness. For example, consider what some of the local Hare Raisers have sent out recently.

Tooth Fairy, the Full Moon Hare Raiser, has resorted to simply copying and pasting the same email sent out to Digby's by the Hares and changing the subject line. Bravo.

Haystack dropped his usual routine of telling the EWH3 pack what a bunch of "fucktards" they are and wrote one sentence telling us that this week's trail will be very special. This is pretty clever, because assuming that "very special" is just a euphemism for "really fucked up," this sentence can apply to 90% of EWH3 trails. For more accuracy, I suggest that he change his announcement to "this week, we have a very special trail. We will also have a bunch of random guys without hash names showing up that are total douchebags. By the way, did you know that our beer van is totally pimped out?"

Then there's me. Last week, instead of writing something funny or writing nothing at all, I just told you that I was writing the trail announcement naked. I'd like to think that this statement conjured up some scary pictures in your mind, but then I realized that those pictures are probably somewhere on the Internet anyway.

Don't worry, I only have seven more announcements left to write after this one, and I can assure you that I'll at least put some effort into my final announcement. The current plan is that it will be a Michael Richards style tirade (minus the racism) telling each and every one of you how much you've disappointed me in the last year. Cheers!

Oh yeah, be sure to join us for a very special  trail on Sunday.

1) My Receding Hareline
I have four more dates available. They are in January and February. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
12/10 - Hokie No Pokie and Texas T&A - South Side of Reston, Beeotch!
12/17 - Suckyerdad - Silver Spring
12/24 - Takes it Up The Ehh - TBA
12/31 - Pussy in a Haystack - TBA

3) Upcoming Events

The 2nd ever Everyday is Wednesday AGM will take place on Saturday, January 13. Stay tuned for more information.

The White House Holiday party is Saturday, Jan 27, 2007. It will be at the Crucible. Stay tuned for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1100  – Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 ***1:00 PM*** – Fairfax Hunt Club

WH4 Hash 1099 Version 2.0 – Sunday, November 26th, 2006 3:00 PM – Greenbelt, MD

This announcement officially sucks. Like most of us, I have the day off, and as I was writing "Hokie's Ass Fucking Thanksgiving Tips, " I came to the conclusion that I was only wasting my free time. If it's any consolation, I'm writing this naked. Oh yeah, and I have some more information about the WH4 1100th run.

The White House H3 1100th run is December 3rd.

- It is at 1:00 PM
- It is at the Fairfax Hunt Club (1321 Lake Fairfax Dr Reston, VA)
- It is the December Full Moon trail
- It is organized by Sucks C*ck for Crack, J*ackOff Lantern, WoWo, and a Mystery Hare
- It is NOT a Mystery Bus Hash (despite any rumors you may have heard). It was supposed to be a Mystery Bus Hash, but now it is not. If you were really hoping for another Mystery Bus Hash, you can ponder the mystery of what happened to the bus.

This will be a special trail to commemorate the WH4 1100th run. We'll run, we'll drink, we'll eat and then we'll square dance.

Say what? Yes, we will square dance. With a real square dance caller and help for all us tenderfeet. Now you can be there AND be square.

WH4 Hash 1099 – Sunday, November 19th, 2006 3:00 PM – Smithsonian Metro

When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a cartoonist when I grew up. Then I realized that I have no artistic talent. I do, however, have a great talent for making anal sex references over and over again.

That being said, here's a cartoon I drew featuring Timmy the Elf.  http://filebox.vt.edu/users/ruhill/Timmy/Warning.html

1) My Receding Hareline
I have four more dates available. They are in January and February. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
11/26 - Jack Off Lantern, Peace 'o Chum - Greenbelt, MD
12/3 at 1:00 - WH4 1100th - Hunt Club - Reston, VA
12/10 - Hokie No Pokie and Texas T&A - Not Tysons Corner. Somewhere in NoVA.
12/17 - Suckyerdad - TBA

3) Upcoming Events
Correction - The 1100th WH4 Hash will actually be on Sunday, December 3rd. Stay tuned for details as we figure them out.

The White House Holiday party is Saturday, Jan 27, 2007. It will be at the Crucible. Stay tuned for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1099  – Sunday, November 19th, 2006 3:00 PM – Smithsonian Metro

Another F*cking Birthday Hash.

Cost: 5 dollars

Birthdays…some people like 'em, some people don't. Here are some of the things that happened throughout history on my birthday, November 18.
1307- According to legend, William Tell shoots an apple off his son's head.
1493- Christopher Columbus first sights what is now Puerto Rico.
1686- Charles Francois Felix operates on King Louis XIV's anal fistula after practicing the surgery on several peasants.
1985- Washington Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann breaks his leg, ending his career.
2002- The state of New Jersey banned the game Dodgeball from public schools.
What does this have to do with hashing? Nothing…but there will be cake at this hash.
 
Hares:
Can't Fuck Dust, Viva Las Labias, Underground Railroad, Just Scott

Start: Smithsonian Metro
http://wmata.com/metrorail/Stations/station.cfm?station=54
 
D-erections:
Metro: Orange/Blue Line directly to Smithsonian, exit toward The National Mall, look for chalk to get you to your fellow wankers, the people who will be the worst dressed group of tourists you've ever seen… maybe.

Driving from VA, and MD: Why drive when the Metro is so easy, just like your Mom. If you must drive:  Find your way to I-395 N and cross the 14th Street Bridge to DC, bear Left at US-1 N and head (who said head?) toward Downtown, go 0.8 mi, turn Right at Jefferson Dr SW (1 block past Independence), go 0.2 mi, arrive at Smithsonian Metro, look for parking and wankers. 

Miscellaneous: Trail is A to B, there will be a bag vehicle.  Flashlight? Probably not. Dry Clothes? Unless you don't mind stinking up the OnOnOn. Mostly stroller friendly, some difficulty. Dog friendly, but not the OnOnOn.

OnOnOn:                        
Remington's                   
639 Pennsylvania Ave., SE
Washington, DC 20003
(202) 543-3113

Specials

WH4 Hash 1098 – Sunday, November 12th, 2006 3:00 PM – Kohl's Parking Lot in Burke, VA

Now with 100% more sexual encounters with spanish books!

Let's talk about erections. I can't recall my first boner, but I can assure you that I've been fascinated by this facet of the male anatomy since early adulthood. I don't really understand how it happens physiologically, but from what I've read, when you become aroused, blood rushes to the penis. Where this extra blood comes from is a mystery, but based on personal experience, I'd suggest that your penis borrows some from your brain.

Some of my earliest memories of wood come from my days in middle and high school, when I'd have a boner for most of the day. Obviously, this presents many social problems. There are many manuevers guys try to pull off in order to hide a boner, none of which work very well. When sitting down in class, I used to try to put my spanish book over it, but the resulting friction only made problems worse. It was almost so good that I'd consider my spanish book to be my first sexual encounter. Te amo, libro de espanol.

Having wood while sitting down can be a nuisance, but the real problems arise when you stand up and start walking around. You have two options: let your boner go where ever it wants and end up having to walk around looking like there is one of those chest-bursting aliens ready to come out of your jeans, or try to press it flat against your stomach and tuck it up into your waistband. Obviously, neither of these work very well. To make matters worse, the more you try to fidget with it, the more you encourage it.

Even now, at the age of 25, I still pop wood in meetings at work whenever I start to get bored. I'm not sure what my body is trying to tell me, but I think it's something along the lines of "This meeting sucks. Here's a suggestion for something better to do. Boing!"

By far the most confounding aspect of erections is the phenomenon known as morning wood. Ladies, if you aren't familiar with the concept of morning wood, let's just say that roosters arent the only cocks that get up early every morning. I'm not sure what causes morning wood, and in the few Google searches I did on the topic at work, no one else knows either. At first I thought that maybe it had something to do with rubbing up against the bed sheets or sex dreams, but I proved this theory wrong on my red-eye flight back from Alaska.  In the middle of the flight, while I was awake and not thinking about sex at all, I suddenly experienced a raging erection at approximately the same time I would be waking up on the east coast.

Morning wood is beautiful, but it's also a pain. If you're like me, one of the first things you have to do in the morning is take a leak. Accomplishing this while little Hokie is standing at attention is difficult, to say the least. You can't bend it, so your option is to either sit down and dunk your junk in toilet water or to place your hands on the tank of the toilet in an attempt to achieve an optimal angle and end up looking like Superman in mid flight. Usually taking a leak cures morning wood. The only other known cure is good old fashion hardcore ass fucking.

1) My Receding Hareline
I have four more dates available. They are in January and February. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .
2) Upcoming Hashes
11/19 - Can't Fuck Dust, Underground
Railroad, Viva Las Labias, Just Scott - TBA
11/26 - Jack Off Lantern, Peace 'o Chum - Greenbelt, MD
12/3 - Mystery Bus Hash! - TBA
12/10 - Hokie No Pokie and Texas T&A - Tysons Corner?

3) Upcoming Events
Correction - The 1100th WH4 Hash will actually be on Sunday, December 3rd. Stay tuned for details as we figure them out.

The White House Holiday party is Saturday, Jan 27, 2007. It will be at the Crucible. Stay tuned for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1098  – Sunday, November 12th, 2006 3:00 PM – Kohl's Parking Lot in Burke, VA

Cost: 5 dollars

Hares: Big Bang, REV, Mystery Hare

Start: Kohl's parking lot.  (BP will be to the left of the Kohl's)  [Editor's note: violate
the hares for getting this hash mixed up with EWH3]
5793 Burke Centre Pky
Burke, VA 22015

Directions:
Metro:  The wmata.com website says that there is no service to this area on this date.  I'm beginning to understand why traffic is so bad in the DC area.

Driving from everywhere:
The mixing bowl has really really changed so these directions may or may not work.  Take 395 S to right around the beltway and watch carefully for signs for Old Keene Mill Rd which is exit 169.  Bear Right on Old Keene Mill Rd.  Take it about 5 miles and then hang a Right on Lee Chapel Rd.  Lee Chapel Rd turns into Burke Centre Parkway.  Take BCP about 2.5 miles and look for a Kohl's on the Right. If you make it to Rt 123, you went to far and need to turn around.  I highly recommend cli
cking on the link below for directions.