WH4 Hash 1097 – Sunday, November 5th, 2006 3:00 PM – K-mart in Annandale

Unfortunately, my streak of not throwing up for over five years has come to a depressing end. I spent a good potion of my flight back from Anchorage doing my best impression of a sorority girl in the airplane bathroom by regurgitating the rancid seared tuna special that I ate at a sketchy restaurant about 45 minutes south of Anchorage. Sticking my head into a toilet bowl reminded me of my days in college.

In college, it seems that the goal of going out is to either get really smashed or to hook up with a member of the opposite sex. Obviously, you can only choose one of these goals for the evening, and you can probably guess which one I had the most luck with. Anyway, every once in a while I was fortunate enough to talk a girl into coming back to my place. Usually this was because she was pursuing the "get as fucked up as possible" goal. In general, having a girl agree to come back to your place is a very exciting experience for a man, but for a computer science major like myself, it was a godsend.

One of the more interesting experiences I had several times while I was in college was when the girl said "I feel sick" and ran into the bathroom before I could accomplish any significant goal. I've always wondered if this is some sort of secret maneuver college girls pull once they sober up enough to realize that they'd rather be out trying to sleep with a football player. Maybe walking into my apartment and seeing the life-sized cardboard cut out of Captain Kirk was what did it. After she left, I spent the rest of my night wishing that my computer could download porno at warp speed.

Fake vomiting seems like a lot of work though. Really ladies, you don't have to go through all of that trouble. Here are my suggestions for the best lines to give a man when you change your mind and need to flee the situation:

-"I'm going to go pick up some more beer"
-"They've got a stripper at the party four blocks down"
-"Let's down this bottle of tequila together"
-"I heard that the football game went into overtime"
-"I was born a man"

1) My Receding Hareline
I have four more dates available. They are in January and February. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
11/12 - Big Bang - TBA
11/19 - Can't Fuck Dust, Underground Railroad, Viva Las Labias, Just Scott - TBA
11/26 - Jack Off Lantern, Piece 'o Chum, Gimme a Dick! - Greenbelt, MD
12/2 - Mystery Bus Hash! - TBA
12/3 - Leeky Sack, Blank Shot Up the Ass, Incoming, Dead Hare - Georgetown?

3) Upcoming Events
The 1100th WH4 Hash will be on Saturday, December 2nd. It's a mystery bus hash.

The White House Holiday party is Saturday, Jan 27, 2007. It will be at the Crucible. Stay tuned for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1097  – Sunday, November 5th, 2006 3:00 PM – K-mart in Annandale

The "Hokie Pokie" run. [Editor's note: I had nothing to do with this]

Cost: $5

Hares: Loan Shark and French Toasted

Start: K-mart in Annandale, 4251 John Marr Dr Annandale, VA 22003 

Directions:

Metro: call the hares and remind them to include metro directions. I did some research and you can apparently take the 3A bus from East Falls Church metro towards Annandale. You should probably go to www.wmata.com just to be sure. If you get lost, blame the hares.

From 395 North or South: Take the Duke Street West/Little River Turnpike exit. Go to the 5th stop light and make a right on John Mar Drive. K Mart is on your immediate right. Hess Station and Post Office are on your left. Look for wankers in K Mart parking lot.

From 495 (western part of beltway: Take the Annandale/Fairfax exit. At the fork in the exit, proceed toward Annandale. At the 6th stop light, turn left on John Marr Drive. K Mart is on your right; Hess Station and Post Office are on your left. Look for wankers in K Mart parking lot.

Click this link for a map of the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=4251+John+Marr+Dr+annandale,+va&ie=UTF8&z=15&ll=38.831618,-77.189126&spn=0.024638,0.054245&t=h&om=1&iwloc=addr

Misc. Info: A to A, moderately dog friendly, strollers best left for walkers trail. Bring dry shoes and clothes.

On-On-On
Magill's

WH4 Hash 1096 – Sunday, October 29th, 2006 3:00 PM – Rosslyn Metro

I'm in Anchorage, Alaska on a business trip, so instead of spending all day sitting at my desk writing this announcement, I'm spending all day listening to the customer complain.

With no time to write anything amusing, the best I can offer is a chance to make your own announcement. Combine a word from column A and a word from column B. Copy the newly formed phrase into your favorite text editing program, bold it, increase the font size to the largest font possible, and print it out.

Column A
Crippling
Ass
Elf
Anal
 
Column B
Herpes
Fucking
Diarrhea
Sex

I still need Hares for December, January, and February. I've tried begging you, I've tried threatening you, and still, there are empty dates. For shame. So, for a limited time only, I'm going to offer a free mystery gift* to the people that take the remaining dates.

* Use of the word gift does not imply an object of any intrinsic value. Also, use of the word mystery implies that the gift may not exist.

In other news, the 1100th WH4 run is coming up on Saturday, December 2nd. It's a mystery bus Hash in conjunction with Full Moon H3. When I hear the phrase "mystery bus," I think of a time traveling VW bus with shag carpeting, a fog machine, and a three foot double chambered bong. Apparently, this is not what a mystery bush hash is. According to my sources, we'll all meet up somewhere and hop on a regular bus that will take us to a mystery location. I'd guess that we're either going to a corn maze, a winery, indian burial grounds, or an AA meeting.

1) My Receding Hareline
There are no haring dates left in November. December and January are slowly filling up like that boil on your mom's ass. Please sign up to hare. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
11/5 - Loan Shark - Annandale
11/12 - Big Bang - TBA
11/19 - Can't Fuck Dust - TBA
11/26 - Jack Off Lantern - Greenbelt, MD

3) Upcoming Events
I would put something in here about the Full Moon Halloween Scary-oke party, but apparently there will be no Scary-oke this year. Blame the SHIT Hash.

The 1100th WH4 Hash will be on Saturday, December 2nd. It's a mystery bus hash.

The White House Holiday party is Saturday, Jan 27, 2007. It will be at the Crucible. Stay tuned for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1096  – Sunday, October 29th, 2006 3:00 PM – Rosslyn Metro

(Driving from VA)  Take I-495 to I-66 East, then exit 72 (US-29) and right at Lee Highway.  Turn right on N Moore St., hunt without success for a place to park, and make your way to 19th and Lynn St.

(Driving from MD)  Take the damn Metro.  I guess, if you're feeling masochistic, you can take route 50 to NY Avenue, then turn left at I-395 S.  Take exit 8B to the Jefferson Davis Highway (110) and left on Wilson Boulevard, then Turn right on Arlington Ridge Road, and then left on 19th St.  Almost all of these roads are nearly guaranteed to be closed because of the marathon, but there's really no other choice.

WH4 Hash 1095 – Sunday, October 22nd, 2006 3:00 PM – Tenleytown Metro

WH4 Hash 1094 – Sunday, October 15th, 2006 3:00 PM – Carter Barron Amphitheatre

Thank you to Red Dress MM for putting on a great show. Thanks to Full Moon Mismanagement for giving us a lanyard that says "Lingerie Pre-lewb 2005" on it as a giveaway.

I'm on temporary hiatus from writing or drawing anything even remotely amusing until the December and January haring dates start to fill up. Seriously folks, if you don't sign up to hare, I will be laying trail for the entire months of December and January. You know what that means:

-Each trail will be located as far away from your home as possible and will involve commuting west on 66, which even on the weekends is more congested than my colon is after eating a pound of gummy bears. Think Herndon, Sterling, Chantilly, or somewhere else way the hell out in Virginia.
-You will travel through a tunnel that is so full of water that you only have approximately six inches of air to breathe
-I will serve you an awful tasting shot made of cheap gin and Miller Lite in a field of poison ivy.
-I will lay the trail while under the influence of my patented "Patrick Kennedy" special recipe: Percocet, Valium, and at least six beers.
-The walker's trail will be so bad that For Sale or Rent will repeatedly boo me when I stand in as GM and open circle.
-The on-on-on will be poorly managed Korean restaurant that charges 12 dollars for 12 buffalo wings and has menus printed on license plates.

If you haven't run a lot of my trails, you might think that this is an empty threat. You might say to yourself "Oh, that Hokie, he's so funny. He made a joke about his colon. I won't sign up to hare though, because he wouldn't actually do any that stuff to us."

If you have run enough of my trails, you know that each one of these items has happened at least once and will happen again. So please, for the love of beer, sign up to hare a trail.

1) My Receding Hareline
There are no haring dates left in November. December and January are as wide open as a cavernous asshole. Please sign up to hare. These dates may seem unappealing because it's cold outside, but it never really gets that cold during the day here in DC and you have the opportunity to make wankers go through ice-cold water. Sound like fun? Sign up to hare. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
10/22 - Suckyerdad, Peter Cock-n-tail  - Tenleytown
10/29 - Roll Over Bitch, Bloody Asshole - Rosslyn
11/5 - Loan Shark - Annandale
11/2 - Big Bang - TBA

3) Upcoming Events
I would put something in here about the Full Moon Halloween Scary-oke party, but apparently there will be no Scary-oke this year. Blame Full Moon Mismanagement.

The White House Holiday party is Saturday, Jan 27, 2007. It will be at the Crucible. Stay tuned for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1094  – Sunday, October 15th, 2006 3:00 PM – Carter Barron Amphitheatre

Cost: $5

Hares: Obestiologist, Big Bang, Bob Loblaw

Start: Parking lot of Carter Barron Amphitheater

Directions: 

(Metro)
the trail is metro accessible but only w/ some degree of pain in the arse.  The closest metro stop would be Columbia heights on the green line or Woodley park on the red line.  From there you'll have to walk to 16th street and pick up either the S4 or S2 bus that runs up and down 16th street.  The bus makes a stop at Colorado ave, and you can get off there and follow the driving directions from that point. 

(Driving)
from Virginia, take 14th street bridge into DC.  Turn left on any street that is a letter of the alphabet.  Turn right on 16th street.  Turn left on Colorado ave NW, make first right into parking lot for Carter Barron.  Drive to back corner and look for wankers that look like you. 

You can also take memorial bridge or I-66.  Link up w/ rock creek parkway once in DC and take that to the Calvert Street exit at Woodley park.  Turn right onto Calvert and cross bridge towards Adams-Morgan.  Turn left on Columbia Road NW, Turn left onto 16th street and follow above D-erections. 

From Maryland, who cares about Maryland.  But if you are cumming from Maryland, find 16th street just south of downtown silver spring and go to Colorado ave, except you'll be turning right at Colorado.  For those of you not so much directionally minded, this is because you'll be cumming from the opposite direction (the north) as the people cumming from Virgina (the south).  You can get to 16th street by taking East-West Highway (from Bethesda area) or Georgia Ave (from the top of the beltway). 

Click this link for a map of the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it. 
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=485452

Misc. Info.
A to A. There is a high PI factor.  Bring dry clothes.  The runners trail is tough dog friendly and not stroller friendly.  The walker trail is not really stroller friendly either, but arrangements could be made.

On-On-On
Raven Grill
3125 Mt. Pleasant Street NW
Washington, dc, 202-387-8411
here is a map... http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=485468
A short drive from ending circle will be needed to get there.

Specials:
They have no specials, but beers are always cheap.  Beers start at 2.50.  They have no kitchen, but there is a kitchen across the street and you can bring food in there from anywhere you want.    

On On,
Hokie No Pokie
2006 WH4 Hareraiser

WH4 Hash 1092 and 1093 – Sunday, October 8th, 2006 10:00 am and 3:00 pm – Woodley Park Metro and Eisenhower Metro

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the Grand Masters of EWH3 and WH4 slugged it out in a wrestling match refereed by an anthropomorphic keg? I have. I think it would look like this: http://filebox.vt.edu/users/ruhill/royalrumble/intro.html
[Note: It's a comic strip. It's also best viewed at 1280 x 1024 screen resolution. If your computer doesn't support that, or you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, be sure to scroll to the bottom of the screen to click on the "next" link to view the next page]

This weekend is Red Dress Run weekend. We have two trails on Sunday: a recovery run at 10:00 AM and a regular shiggy filled hash at 3:00 PM. See below for more information.

1) My Receding Hareline
There are no haring dates left in November. December and January are as wide open as a cavernous asshole. Please sign up to hare. These dates may seem unappealing because it's cold outside, but it never really gets that cold during the day here in DC and you have the opportunity to make wankers go through ice-cold water. Sound like fun? Sign up to hare. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
10/15 - Obeastiologist, Tit-ly Winks - Carter Barron?
10/22 - Suckyerdad - Tenleytown
10/29 - Roll Over Bitch, Bloody Asshole - Rosslyn
11/5 - Loan Shark - Annandale

3) Upcoming Events
The thirteenth annual DC Red Dress run will be on October 7th starting near Dupont Circle. http://dchashing.com/dcreddress/ for more information

4) WH4 Hash 1092  – Sunday, October 8th, 2006 10:00 am – Woodley Park Metro

Cost: $5

Hares: Fagnostic

Start: Follow chalk from the Woodley Park Metro

Directions: 

(Metro)
Take the Red Line to the Woodley Park stop. Follow chalk.

(Driving)
Drive across bridge of your choice into DC.  Get to Rock
Creek Parkway, take it North until you get to the split where left is
Calvert Street and right is Zoo.  Stay left, go to top of hill, right on
Calvert and look for wankers milling around. Good Luck finding
parking. Try taking a left (west) on Calvert and looking.
 
Click this link for a map of the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it. 
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=woodley+park+station&sll=38.918184,-77.059565&sspn=0.046813,0.076475&ie=UTF8&z=14&ll=38.923827,-77.059565&spn=0.046809,0.076475&om=1&iwloc=A

Misc. Info. A to B, where B is about a ten to fifteen minute walk away (i.e. Adams Morgan). This is a hangover hash - the chances of any running occuring are very slim. Be prepared for a nice stroll and some drinks to help your hangover. Bringing dogs is not a good idea, as they are probably not allowed in the mystery location we end up at.

On-On-On
Brunch somewhere in Adams Morgan

Specials:
10 dollar liver transplants

5) WH4 Hash 1093  – Sunday, October 8th, 2006 3:00 PM – Eisenhower Ave. Metro

Cost: $5