WH4 Hash 1082 – Monday, July 31st 2006 6:30 PM - King St Metro

Beerstock is this weekend. You get camping on the river, tubing, keg stands, beer, giveaways, a live band, four trails, great food, and as much beer as you can drink. What else can you ask for? Go here http://www.whitehousehash.com/beerstock/  for more information and for a look at who has already signed up.

If you're confused why we suddenly went from trail 1077 to trail 1082, it's because we have four trails this weekend at Beerstock. Those are WH4 trails 1078, 1079, 1080, and 1081.

Now back to your regularly scheduled announcement.

Recently, one of my friends showed me an Internet dating site called pacificsoulmate.com. It's created for Asian singles and for folks that want to date Asian people. Besides all of the usual desperate losers and ladyboys, this site is quite a gem. Some of the profiles on here are absolutely hysterical.

For example, let's start with Eddie. http://www.pacificsoulmate.com/cgi-bin/mm_profile.cgi?username=eddie

Eddie, who appears to be cross between Ron Jeremy and Gallagher, has a "collage" education, is very "spirtal" and is gainfully employed as a "film maker./sceiencetist." I'm pretty sure that by "film maker" he means porno producer, and by "sceiencetist" he means meth lab operator.

But wait ladies, it gets better. Check out "MostlyHarmless" http://www.pacificsoulmate.com/cgi-bin/mm_profile.cgi?username=Mostly_Harmless

Sure, on the surface he may look like Mr. Rogers, but be sure to read his entire profile. "Your real master will be my male organ." Apparently his penis can issue commands.

Ok, so you don't want to end up bound and gagged in that guy's basement. Maybe you'd like to date a celebrity.
http://www.pacificsoulmate.com/cgi-bin/mm_profile.cgi?username=DaveCoulier

Those three are pretty funny. But none of them compare to this one.
http://www.pacificsoulmate.com/cgi-bin/mm_profile.cgi?username=WangChunks

1) My Receding Hareline
Summer dates are filled. Many fall dates are still open. Sign up while you can for warm weathered hashes. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com.

2) Upcoming Hashes
7/28-7/30 WH4 Camping Trip!
8/7 - Cock-a-doodle-do-me - Grosvenor Metro
8/14 - JAG Queen, Bolo Head Rat - East Falls Church Metro
8/21 - Anal Avenger, Suckyerdad - U st Metro
8/28 - Cleopapsmear, Turbo Twat, Her She Kisses - West Falls Church

3) Upcoming Events
The White House Hash's Summer of '69 camping trip is this weekend! Join WH4 for three days of beer and sex as we celebrate Beerstock from July 28th to July 30th at Goldenrock Campground near Bentonville, VA. This trip includes: camping in a riverside campground, beer, tubing, 4 trails (some good), beer, food, and giveaways. Just bring your drinking vessel, a tent (or the willingness to sleep where you fall), sunblock, bug repellent, and maybe a bathing suit.

For more information and the registration form, see: http://www.whitehousehash.com/beerstock

You can also register online at http://www.active.com/event_detail.cfm?event_id=1331946 . (additional fees from the Man apply. Bummer.)

SPECIAL NOTE: I will not be personally providing three days of sex for every registrant. You'd be lucky to get three minutes. Sorry to disappoint, ladies (and Put It Out).

VA Interhash XIII, September 22-24, 2006 – Camp Shittycaca brought to you by So Happy Its Tuesday H3!  Summer camp living at its finest!  Beer, cabins, beer, camp activities, beer, live band, beer, DJ, beer, beer, beer, etc.  Location is 45 minutes south of DC in Prince William Forest National Park.  Registration limited to the first 120 campers! Go to www.sohappyhash.com for details and registration

4) WH4 Hash 1082 – Monday, July 31st 2006 6:30 PM - King St Metro

Gispert Birthday / Wash Your Ass Hash

Hares: AssHopper, Assflac, Ass Master 1975, Ass Master 2000, Tri-Ass-A-Thong, and All Lickie - No Assie

Cost:  $5

Start: The fountain near Stella's across the parking lot from King Street Metro.  Bring your soap to wash your asses (don't actually bring soap).

D-erections:

(Metro) http://www.stationmasters.com/System_Map/KINGSTRT/kingstrt.html  Take the Yellow or Blue line to King Street.  There are three exits (they just built a new one); take the escalator down to street level and exit the station towards the buses.  Continue through the parking lot towards The Embassy Suites hotel.  After crossing Diagonal Road at the crosswalk you will see the courtyard with a large fountain.  The On-On-On also happens to be right here.  Metro closes at 11:30-ish but the bar closes at 11pm so there's no problems unless you need more time to get dirty again, you sick deviants.

(Driving from VA)  King Street Rte 7 towards Old Town in Alexandria, VA.  Park on Diagonal Road (meters turn off after 6:30pm).  Follow directions above.

(Driving from MD) I-495 West.  Cross over the New Woodrow Wilson Bridge.  Exit onto Telegraph Road North.  Exit onto Duke Street East Rte 236.  Park near Duke and John Carlyle Street.  Find Dukes and Stellas Bars and the fountain is in the rear.

Click this link to a map of the start or else cut and paste the link:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=108.445904,79.453125&q=Duke%27s+Bar+%26+Grill,+1755+Duke+Street,+Alexandria,+VA,+22314&ie=UTF8&latlng=38806018,-77052867,14851981571175073117
 
Miscellaneous: A to A'.  Alberto Esteban Ignacio Gispert, hash name "G" is your founding hash father, wankers.  Below are some trivia questions about him compiled by our lovely harriette HarepPpppppi.



[Editor's Note: the Hares wrote this and didn't give me any answers, so blame them]
1. What is Gispert's actual birthday?

2. Gispert probably came up with the idea for hashing while doing which of the following activities as a youth?
    a. Engaging in noncompetitive running while following paper trails
    b. Masturbating daily while singing disgusting songs
    c. Running from pub to pub with cronies to try and take advantage of all happy hour specials.

3. Where and when did Gispert and others such as "Torch" Bennett and Cecil Lee found the HHH?
    a. London, 1922
    b. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, 1938
    c. East Bageezus, 1776

4. True or False:  The term "Hash House" was derived from the unimaginative and monotonous food served at the Selangor Club (ON-ON-ON).

5. What occupation did Gispert, Torch Bennett, Paul Bernard, and Jack Bridewell (founding fathers) share:
    a. Accountant
    b. Engineer
    c. College Professor

6. How did Gispert die on Feb 11th, 1942?
    a. Monkey Pox
    b. Inoperable brain tumor
    c. Killed in action while serving in the British Army

7. True or False:  Gispert was acting Grand Master of his hash.

8. True or False.  Money for two dozen pewter mugs was given to the HHH from the Japanese government after WWW II to replace those that were stolen during the war.



We are also rehashing the Wash Your Ass Hash, but we found an even better slip-n-slide this year so bring your swim trunks and an appetite for mudslide shots.  A change of dry clothes is suggested. Strollers and dirty dogs are welcome on trail.

On-On-On:

Duke's Bar And Grill
Located on the second floor of the Embassy Suites Hotel across from the King Street Metro (this used to be the old Calypso Bar).
1755 Duke Street
Alexandria, VA 22314
703-838-9601
www.dukesandwindsor.com

Specials:
No alcohol specials but we do have reduced price appetizers and $5 hamburgers.

OnOn,
Hokie No Pokie
2006 WH4 Hareraiser

WH4 Hash 1077 – Monday, July 24th 2006 6:30 PM - Crystal City Metro

The camping trip is coming faster than I did when I lost my virginity. It's July 28th-30th near Front Royal, VA. Camping on the river, tubing, keg stands, beer, giveaways, a live band, four trails, great food, and as much beer as you can drink. What else can you ask for? Go here http://www.whitehousehash.com/beerstock/  for more information and for a look at who has already signed up.

Now back to your regularly scheduled announcement.

I'll level with you guys. I made up the complaint that was in my announcement a few weeks ago about how offensive my emails are. However, I have been forwarded a few real complaints recently. Apparently I have forgotten about all of the moral purists and overly religious types that come to the hash.

Well, just to show how sensitive I am to these complaints, I decided to write a nice, G-rated children's story for this week's announcement.

"Timmy the Elf and the Tower of Power"

Once upon a time, in the Land of the Elves, there lived an elf named Timmy. There were also unicorns, bunny rabbits, rainbows, butterflies and a bunch of other happy G-rated shit. Timmy was renowned throughout the land for his ability to bend over and receive even the largest of objects in his magical elf-hole.

Every once in a while, the elves all got together in the center of town. They did happy dances, sang songs, played flutes, had circle jerks, and took turns blowing their magical pixie dust in Timmy's elf-hole. Timmy was the most popular elf in town, especially with the town priest.

Then one day, Timmy noticed that something was wrong with his elf-hole. All sorts of strange bumps began to appear. Timmy went to the Village Elder and asked what was wrong. The Village Elder told him that he had anal warts. The only cure for anal warts was the ride the Tower of Power, the largest, thickest, most ass-blasting vibrator in all of elf land. The elder explained that Timmy would need to spend at least an hour on the Tower of Power to cure his anal warts.

Timmy went over to the Tower of Power, stored just outside of town, much to the convienence of the writer of this story. Using all of his anal insertion skills, Timmy started riding the Tower of Power. Timmy let out a large grunt as his elf-hole expanded to new limits, and just as soon as Timmy thought that the Tower of Power was tamed, it began to rumble. The Tower vibrated and began to pummel Timmy's elf-hole so hard that the friction caused Timmy's ass to burst into flames and propel him into the air like a rocket.

WH4 Hash 1076 – Monday, July 17th 2006 6:30 PM – Eisenhower Metro

WH4 Hash 1075 – Monday, July 10th 2006 6:30 PM – Tenleytown Metro