10th Anal Bill Wagner and Friends Birthday Hash

Hares: The Two Bill Wagners, Short Bus Bitch, #2, Hasher Humper, and Nasty When Wet
Start: Ballston Parking Deck
OnOnOn: Mellow's House

Lets talk about Death for a minute. Not death like when you croak,
but Death as in the guy that comes for you when you keel over. I know
it's not usually a topic that we discuss in the WH4 Blog, but it's
important just this once. For those of you that showed up to the hash
on June 19th for the Bill Wagner Birthday hash you'll understand.
Bill Wagner the Elder, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, and Bill Wagner the
Younger, Big Bird Turd, have a combined age much higher than hashers
can count and they've both dodged Death for years. Apparently, a
giant thunderstorm just in time for their hash was their reward.

MM (Hokie No Pokie represented 90% of it) finally decided that it
wasn't going to stop raining and sent the younger, faster Bill Wager,
Big Bird Turd, on out with a 3 second head start. A few hashers were
actually confused by this and after passing BBT wondered why there was
no trail. No one got up the nerve to pants BBT though.

Short Bus Bitch led a pack of stroller mom's and slightly confused
hashers on what was originally the trail according to her map. BBT
took the rest of the pack on a nice short trail to the first shot
check. SBB and friends missed that shot check, but showed back up at
the beer check. There were plenty of more shot checks and then a
short hop into the end at Mellow's house.

There was one virgin Just Andy who was brought by Just Mike. We had a
few virgins whose names are slightly legible after the rain. We had
something or other D*ck Sucker, Two Timing Hymen, Just Stephanie from
Blacksburg, and someone from Chicago whose name I didn't catch.

There were so many violations it was kind of fun trying to get Bleeder
to run out of songs. What was left of the stroller patrol were
violated for bringing their kids to the hash so that they didn't have
to give them a bath. Short Bus Bitch was a sweeper and came in before
about 20 hashers. She always was a bit impatient. Bleeder for
rejecting a ride in the rain and then jumping in the car like a little
girl. In a related note, Penis Pen Pal for giving Bleeder a ride.
Big Bird Turd for cherry picking his nuts at the snack table. One of
the visitors was so happy to be in America that when he slipped he
kissed the earth. Hard! For Sale or Rent for walking past a stack of
"FREE" lawn chairs. There were lots of others, but my pad of paper
was soggy and I didn't get them all.

There were a few Analverseries: Snot has 325 runs, DQ has 50, Fiddy &
Ducky in an ugly showing of togetherness got their 300th at the same
time. They only had one track suit for the two of them so Fiddy go
the pants, go figure.

There were a crap load of Long Time No Seers like DQ, Burnt Sox, Thong
and Schlong, and one of the hares, Big Bird Turd.

The hash shit was awarded the week before to Douches Wild who
apparently drove home topless by "mistake" one evening. Tit-ly Winks
volunteered Obeseologist for heading to Niagra Falls and was going to
hare in Buffalo. She thought it would look nice while he hared. It
came out that she was going to Niagra Falls too and the hash decided
she'd look better with it.

Tit-ly wrapped up the circle with a rousing rendition of Swing Low.

1070 - June 5, 2006

Feminine Hygiene Hash

Hares: Summer's Eve, Senor Doucheberg, Closet Slut, Small Wonder
Start: Ballston Metro
OnOnOn: El Ranchero
Virgins: Just Kristen, Just Morgan
Visitors:
Beer Bitch: Just Elspeth

[pictures]

Welcome to the 37th annual Feminine Hygiene Hash! For as long as women have been douching, our hash has been celebrating by setting out on a trail in search of the mythical Golden Douche. That's right, every year, our poor hares sit down and deconstruct a half-dozen douches and re-fill them with a more appropriate fluid.

Hokie No Pokie, tonight playing the role of GM, RA, and harerazor, started the opening circle. Even with presence of an actual circle marked on the ground, the pack could not come to terms with the expression "Circle up." The hares explained the concept of the Feminine Hygiene Hash and the Hunt for the Golden Douche. At points along trail, you will find checks marked with a yellow 'G'. What do we do at the G-Spot boys? Nothing, because it doesn't exist and we'll never find it. The hares say otherwise, but they're just a couple of douches so what do they know?

The pack sets out on a run around Ballston, but the trail rapidly begins to have that not-so-fresh feeling. Either this was a Golden Douche hash in previous years or I'm clairvoyant. We find our way to Casa De Doucheberg or Haus von Doucheberg (I'm never sure if his name is Spanish or German). It's a nice night to be standing around drinking beer and so we do. Just Elspeth is anointed Beer Bitch and there is much rejoicing.

The live hares take off and the pack eventually departs and soon finds itself on the Bluemont Juncton Trail. There's a check and a few wankers head north, back toward Wilson Blvd. The rest of the pack proceeds along the trail. The checking wankers return only to see the lead hare dash across the end of the street at Wilson Blvd. After him, boys! We're nearly there. The shortcutters make it in to El Ranchero with the hares and the rest of the pack follows some time later.

Hokie No Pokie eventually circles everyone up and brings in the hares. They demonstrate proper down-down technique to our two virgins, Just Kristen and Just Morgan. Good work to Her She Kisses for bringing fixings for her own threesome. There might have been visitors, but I don't remember.

There were a few violations. Pulls It Out was responsible for most of them. What do you expect after he has been away so long. First he spilled a full beer, then he ran, sorry, WALKED, into a street sign with his head and didn't notice. KY Belly got violated for complaining to a member of WH4 mismanagement about an imagined offense by EWH3 mismanagement and not knowing the difference.

There were a ton of long time no seers at our first normal, Monday evening hash of the summer. Welcome back, losers. Finally, all the douchers came out to be recognized and the rest of the pack took note of who was clean and who was not.