WH4 Hash 1074 – Monday, July 3rd 2006 6:30 PM – Brookland/Catholic University Metro

WH4 Hash 1073 – Monday, June 26th 2006 6:30 PM – Woodley Park Metro

This week, I pay homage to one of the filthiest places that I have ever visited. Deep in the bowels of my conservative, suit-and-tie office lies a den of squalor and depravity: the bathroom. Let's start with the urinals. First of all, anytime you want to take a leak, you have to strategically place your feet around the lagoon of urine on the floor in front of the urinal. It's like playing Twister except you get to pull your cock out. I'm not really sure who is peeing on the floor or why they are doing it, but I wish that they would stop. Even more confounding is the urine that I frequently see on top of the urinal. How do you pee on top of the urinal? Either I work with Shaq or there's some guy in there who decides that for fun he's going to aim up and try to arc it into the urinal. Now that I think about it, this might also explain why there's pee on the floor.

Now we move to the stalls. When I have to visit a stall, my goal is to get in and out of there as soon as possible. This doesn't appear to be so for other guys, who are happy to chat away on their cell phone while taking a crap. I can only imagine being the person on the other end of the call who is listening to serious contractual talk intermingled with the sounds of farts and flushing toilets. Worst of all, there's dried shit on the walls of the stalls. I'm not exactly sure how dried shit got on the walls, but I can only speculate that someone was either really interested in what they had for lunch the day before or the same guy that's trying to arc his piss into the urinals tried to bank a turd off of the stall wall.

While we're on the topic of wet and sloppy things, yesterday's hares demonstrated why you should always be prepared to live hare if the weather looks bad. As much fun as it was to chase Put It Out around Ballston with no trail marks, let's hope that next week's trail in Woodley Park actually involves flour.

Also, if you haven't noticed, a "who's coming" list has been posted on the Beerstock web page ( http://www.whitehousehash.com/beerstock/). It will be updated again soon, so if you don't see your name on there and you know you've paid, relax. If you haven't paid, now that you can see that all of the cool kids and hot chicks are coming, turn in your registration before the end of the next hash and save yourself 10 bucks.

1) My Receding Hareline
Sign up to hare in August so I can continue to devote more time to writing moderately amusing announcements than recruiting and supervising hares. Find an open date, a location and some co-hares, check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com.

2) Upcoming Hashes
7/03 - Pussy in a Haystack, Cockblocked by Jesus, Pre-Dick-a-Mint - Brookland/Catholic University Metro
7/10 - Pay Per View, Put It Out - TBA
7/17 - Blows a Tranny, French Toasted - Eisenhower Metro
7/24 - Tit-ly Winks - VA Metro Stop

3) Upcoming Events
The EWH3 Pub Crawl is July 1 at noon, starting at the Ugly Mug. http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?event=WKNKXBQTOIQEBMWOLXDN

The White House Hash's Summer of '69 camping trip is coming up! Join WH4 for three days of beer and sex as we celebrate Beerstock from July 28th to July 30th at Goldenrock Campground near Bentonville, VA. This trip includes: camping in a riverside campground, beer, tubing, 4 trails (some good), beer, food, and giveaways. Just bring your drinking vessel, a tent (or the willingness to sleep where you fall), sunblock, bug repellent, and maybe a bathing suit.

For more information and the registration form, see: http://www.whitehousehash.com/beerstock

You can also register online at http://www.active.com/event_detail.cfm?event_id=1331946 . (additional fees from the Man apply. Bummer.)

SPECIAL NOTE: I will not be personally providing three days of sex for every registrant. You'd be lucky to get three minutes. Sorry to disappoint, ladies (and Put It Out).

VA Interhash XIII, September 22-24, 2006 – Camp Shittycaca brought to you by So Happy Its Tuesday H3!  Summer camp living at its finest!  Beer, cabins, beer, camp activities, beer, live band, beer, DJ, beer, beer, beer, etc.  Location is 45 minutes south of DC in Prince William Forest National Park.  Registration limited to the first 120 campers! Go to www.sohappyhash.com for details and registration

4) WH4 Hash 1073 – Monday, June 26th 2006 6:30 PM – Woodley Park Metro

Hares:  Butt Plug, Well Drilled, and Smokey The Beaver

Cost:  $5

Start: Woodley Park, corner of Connecticut Ave and Calvert St.

D-erections:

Take Metro (red line) to Woodley Park-Zoo-Adams Morgan.  walk 1/2 block
south on Connecticut.

(Driving from VA) Drive across bridge of your choice into DC.  Get to Rock
Creek Parkway, take it North until you get to the split where left is
Calvert Street and right is Zoo.  Stay left, go to top of hill, right on
Calvert is where you'll find the wankers milling about. Good Luck finding
parking. Try taking a left (west) on Calvert and looking.

(Driving from MD)  Drive south on Connecticut until you hit Woodley park.
Right on Calvert St.

Click this link to a map of the start or else cut and paste the link:
http://tinyurl.com/hwrc9

Miscellaneous: A to A'.
Flashlight:  not unless the circle starts really late, which could very well be the case.
Dry clothes?  Never hurts to be prepared!
Stroller friendly?  Nope.
Dog friendly? Keep the heat in mind this time of year.

On-On-On:
Murphy's of D.C.
2609 24th St. NW, Washington, DC 20008
202-462-7171
http://www.murphyspub.com/menu/index.htm
[Editor's Note: I'm not really sure that this is the Murphy's of DC website, as it only lists "Alexandria" and "Virginia Beach" as locations. It shouldn't make much of a difference - all of these pseudo-Irish pubs are more or less the same.]

Specials: everything is special!  try the shepherd's pie!  :)
[Editor's Note: despite the cute smiley face appended to the specials list, the hares are really trying to tell you that they have either not asked about specials or were not able to get any specials]

On On
Hokie No Pokie
2006 WH4 Hareraiser

Do it while it's still cheap! Save your hard-earned cash for booze and cheap women!

WH4 Hash 1072 – Monday, June 19th 2006 6:30 PM – Near the Ballston Metro

Re: INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM: Beerstock Subtle Reminder

WHEN: July 28-30, 2006 (Fri-Sun) -- not July 29-31 (Sat-Mon) as mis-stated

WH4 Hash 1071 – Monday, June 12th 2006 6:30 PM – Judiciary Square Metro

Not many people know that before I became a software engineer, I had a short lived career running my own phone sex company. Here are a few transcripts from the now defunct 1-900-HOKIE-LUV hotline:

...but you will probably forget where you left your pants.

• Girls say yes to boys who say no
• Draft beer, not students
• Make love, not war
• Stop the bombing, get bombed