If you missed Sunday's trail, you missed a lemur shitting on me. My day just kept getting better after that. You also missed the hippie hares demonstrating severe laziness by attempting to lay trail in one hour. And failing miserably. For future reference, please allow at least three hours to lay trail and take bong hits in the woods.

This week, MotorMouth has sailed his boat, the USS Shocker, up streams and tributaries to Wakefield park. Its cargo: another delightful shiggy trail.

1) My Receding Hareline
Sign up for trails in July and August and make my life easier. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com. Please note that this is a normal email address. Do not be confused by the presence of a plus sign.

2) Upcoming Hashes
5/7 - Are You In?, Read My Lips, It's Butt Fucking Time!, Thong Butt Not Forgotten – South Arlington
5/14 - Semen on the Pew, Can't Fuck Dust, Road Kill and A Red River Runs Through It – H St, NE DC
5/21 – Hokie No Pokie, JackOff Lantern, Pussy in a Haystack – Herndon
5/29 - White House 1069 Cookout - Can't Fuck Dust, Mother May I, WoWo, Tit-ly Winks - Ft. Hunt Park

3) Upcoming Events
The White House Hash will have a very special hash to celebrate our 1069th run on Memorial Day (May 29). We will be having a cookout at Ft. Hunt park (insert Mike Hunt joke here), located just south of Alexandria. Stayed tuned for more details, and be sure to make room for it on your schedule.

MVH3 AGM April 28-30: Just a few more days until CRAFTY and Put It Out take over as your new MVH3 Religous Advisors. Don't miss the celebration. Come up to Fred"Rock" just for the day and enjoy the AGM trail, lunch and a great afternoon in the park as next year's MVH3 Mismanagement takes over. Or come up for all the weekend festivities starting Friday night and the AGM dinner Saturday night. You'll also have the opportunity to hash in the morning on the recover hash and stick around to hash with the OLD FART H3 that afternoon. On-On to Fred"Rock"! See http://dchashing.com/mvh3/agm06/agm_registration.pdf for more information.

4) WH4 Hash 1065 – April 30th, 2006 3:00 PM – Wakefield Park - Annandale, VA

The Dick in Mouth Hash

Hares: MotorMouth, Gimme a Dick!, Wookin Pa Nub, Poop Turkey

Cost:  $5

Start: Near the softball fields in Wakefield Park - Annandale, VA

D-erections:
(Metro)
There are no buses on Sunday to Braddock road, so metro to Dunn Loring and jump in a cab

(Driving)
Get on the beltway
Go to the Braddock Road exit
(its one exit North and West of the springfield interchange)
Take Braddock road WEST
Make the first right on Wakefield Park rd
Look for Wankers on your right

Click this link for a map to the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=8100+Braddock+Road+annandale,+va&ll=38.812225,-77.22378&spn=0.012272,0.027122&t=h&om=1
Note that this is not the exact start, but it is in the general area. Read the driving directions.

Miscellaneous:
A to A'
Bring Dry Shoes and Dry Clothes
The Runners Trail is dog friendly but leave your strollers at home
Walker's trail is an all around good time [Editor's note: I have no idea what this means]

On-On-On:
Kilroy's
5250-A Port Royal Road
Springfield, VA 22151
703-321-7733
http://www.kilroys.com/

Specials:
TBD

On On,

There are many perks to being on MisManagement: you get to drink from the secret tap in the van that contains beer that was not leftover from three hashes ago, you can embezzle hash funds and move to Florida, and the health care plan kicks ass (trust me, I know from experience). But all of these perks pale in comparison to being in the upper echelon of hash management and having access to the WH4 info email address, which gets you all sorts of great deals on OEM software, penis enlargement patches, and herbal Viagra. However, I'm a little suspicious of one deal that's come through recently promising magic pills that will make me "cum like a p0rn star" and that it will "make her happy."

First of all, this is based on the questionable assumption that men actually care what women think about their sexual performance. That aside, I can't picture how I or my mostly willing partner would be happier as I struggle through intercourse (even more than usual) desperately trying to contain a load the size of the Valdez oil spill. I prefer that healthy dribble that says to a woman "I masturbate frequently." It lets them know that you have other options.

This week we're off to run a trail that has seen more use than your average harriette. This won't be sloppy seconds, it will be sloppy thirds. Blame the hares.

1) My Receding Hareline
If you'd like to hare a trail this summer, now is the time to sign up. July and August are mostly empty. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com. Please note that this is a normal email address. Do not be confused by the presence of a plus sign.

2) Upcoming Hashes
4/30 – Motor Mouth, Gimme a Dick!, Just Tom – Annandale?
5/7 - Are You In?, Read My Lips, It's Butt Fucking Time!, Thong Butt Not Forgotten – South Arlington
5/14 - Semen on the Pew, Can't Fuck Dust, Road Kill and A Red River Runs Through It – H St, NE DC
5/21 – Hokie No Pokie, JackOff Lantern – Beltsville, Herndon, or wherever else we can find a flat, dry trail that no one will complain about

3) Haberdasher News
Applications for a replacement WH4 haberdasher are now being accepted. Requirements include being hot, female, and willing to have sex with me. Medical experience preferred.

4) Upcoming Events
The White House Hash will have a very special hash to celebrate our 1069th run on Memorial Day (May 29). We will be having a cookout at Ft. Hunt park (insert Mike Hunt joke here), located just south of Alexandria. Stayed tuned for more details, and be sure to make room for it on your schedule.

The DC Full Moon Beauty Pageant Hash is on April 22nd at the Courthouse Metro. Here's a link to the evite. http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?inviteId=CBMZYTVUQMXULBQZIHVY&li=iq&src=email

MVH3 AGM April 28-30: Just a few more days until CRAFTY and Put It Out take over as your new MVH3 Religous Advisors. Don't miss the celebration. Come up to Fred"Rock" just for the day and enjoy the AGM trail, lunch and a great afternoon in the park as next year's MVH3 Mismanagement takes over. Or come up for all the weekend festivities starting Friday night and the AGM dinner Saturday night. You'll also have the opportunity to hash in the morning on the recover hash and stick around to hash with the OLD FART H3 that afternoon. On-On to Fred"Rock" See http://dchashing.com/mvh3/agm06/agm_registration.pdf  for more information.

5) WH4 Hash 1064 – April 23rd, 2006 3:00 PM – Lubber Run Park - Arlington, VA

The 3rd Annual Earth Day Hash

As everyone heard in the State of the Union address, the White House thinks we need to increase our use of "ethanol".  In that 'spirit', let us hash to celebrate saving the environment, then go to a bar and get drunk.

Two years ago, us "EcoFreak" Hashers organized the first annual Earth Day Hash.... the Earth rejoiced (if not the Hash).  Last year, we did the 2nd Annual Earth Day Hash and "recycled" the trail.  This year, we're "reducing" our effort, so we're going back to the same spot because we've already scouted there…  Its low impact and doesn't despoil any virgin shiggy…  deal with it.

Hares: Lumber JackOff, Ivy Licker, Special Head Kid

Cost:  $5

Start:
Near Lubber Run Park, out in front of the Outback Steakhouse on Rt 50.
4821 1st St N
Arlington, VA 22203

D-erections:
(Metro & Bus)
Take the Orange/Blue Line to Rosslyn or Courthouse.  Take the 4B bus towards Seven Corners.  "Get off" at Park Dr.  Look for Wankers.

(Driving)
CARPOOL TO SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT!
From Arlington and DC - Follow Route 50/Arlington Blvd. West.  Turn right on Park Drive.  Look for Wankers.

Driving from Maryland and other points: 
From the Beltway, follow Route 50/Arlington Blvd east to Park Drive.  Turn left, Look for Wankers.

Click this link for a map to the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it.
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=4821+1st+St+N,+Arlington,+VA

Trail: A-A.  Walker trail dog & stroller friendly. [Editor's note: based on comments below, I assume the runner's trail is tough dog friendly and NOT stroller friendly.]

What to bring: Flashlight, dry bag with shoes & clothes, etc.  Also, we're trying to REDUCE OUR WASTE, so BRING YOUR MUG!!

On-On-On:
Bailey's at Ballston Mall

Specials:
"To be announced" i.e. the Hares don't know yet

On On,

It is with great sadness that I announce that my fellow hasher, personal nurse, and slightly used sex toy Are You In? will be leaving the DC area permanently for New Mexico in June. This will leave me to return to my previous lifestyle as an angry single man living in my parents' basement watching Star Trek reruns. As my many failings as a human being are now well known throughout the hash, making my chances of getting laid in the future dismal at best, I strongly suggest that you buy stock in Vaseline and Penthouse magazine.

Bravo to everyone who took the "extreme" runner's trail on Sunday. For those of you that missed the hash, the "extreme" trail featured a tunnel that had water up to your neck and about eight inches of breathing room between the top of the water and the ceiling of the tunnel. It also featured a shot check with a Tequila Sunrise that "tasted like shit" according to Florida resident and liquor afficionado Wang Chunks. To be honest, I thought it was pretty good. On the other hand, I also enjoy the taste of vodka, moonshine, Sterno, and most anything else that contains alcohol.

If you have read the Bible, you'll know that after Jesus rose from the dead, everyone celebrated by running through the woods, drinking beer, and propositioning each other for sexual intercourse. Trust me, the passage is somewhere towards the end. We'll do just that on Sunday at the West Falls Church metro.

1) My Receding Hareline
If you'd like to hare a trail this summer, now is the time to sign up. July and August are mostly empty. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com. Please note that this is a normal email address. Do not be confused by the presence of a plus sign.

2) Upcoming Hashes
4/23 - Lumber Jackoff, Ivy Licker, Special Head Kid – TBA
4/30 – Motor Mouth, Gimme a Dick!, Just Tom – Annandale?
5/7 - Are You In?, Read My Lips, It's Butt Fucking Time!, Thong Butt Not Forgotten – South Arlington
5/14 - Semen on the Pew, Can't Fuck Dust, Road Kill and A Red River Runs Through It – H St, NE DC

3) Haberdasher News
Applications for a replacement WH4 haberdasher are now being accepted. Requirements include being hot, female, and willing to have sex with me.

4) Upcoming Events
The White House Hash will have a very special hash to celebrate our 1069th run on Memorial Day (May 29). We will be having a cookout at Ft. Hunt park (insert Mike Hunt joke here), located just south of Alexandria. Stayed tuned for more details, and be sure to make room for it on your schedule.

The DC Full Moon Beauty Pagent Hash is on April 22nd at Ballston. Here's a link to the evite. http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?inviteId=CBMZYTVUQMXULBQZIHVY&li=iq&src=email

The MVH3 AGM is April 28-30 in Frederick, MD. See http://dchashing.com/mvh3/agm06/agm_registration.pdf for more information.

5) WH4 Hash 1063 – April 16th, 2006 3:00 PM – West Falls Church Metro

Easter Egg Hunt Hash

Hares: Tooth Fairy, Half Pint, Rocket Socket, OTIS

Cost:  $5

Start:
West Falls Church Metro

D-erections:

(Metro)
Take the Orange Line to West Falls Church and follow chalk marks to the start.

(Driving)
From Arlington and DC - Follow 66 West to Exit 66A (Leesburg Pike).  Follow signs to the West Falls Church Metro.

Driving from Maryland and other points:  Follow Beltway to 66 East.  Take exit 66 and follow signs to West Falls Church Metro

Click this link for a map of the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it.
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=7040+Haycock+Road,+Falls+Church,+VA&ll=38.896978,-77.188182&spn=0.023881,0.0527

Miscellaneous: A to A.  Flashlight optional.  Bring Dry Clothes and Dry Shoes. Not Stroller friendly. Runners trail for tough dogs only.
There will be easter egg checks along the route.  The eggs will have special prizes inside.  Other fun easter themed activities will also be included.  

On-On-On
Bangkok Blues
925 West Broad Street
West Falls Church, VA 22046
703-534-0095
http://www.bangkokbluesrestaurant.com/

Specials:
$8 68oz pitchers of Miller Lite and Budweiser
$1 off all pints
$1 off all appetizers and entrées

On On,

Now with 95% less profanity!

I blew my creative load last week and don't want to get anyone in the habit of expecting any sort of quality out of this announcement. I suggest that you set your standards really low so that it's hard for you to be disappointed. This is also good advice if you should ever have sex with the Hare Raiser.

Thanks to the Hares last week for a great trail and our very own police helicopter escort through a rough neigborhood. Coincidentally, this was not the first time I've been followed by a police helicopter. Apparently setting off firecrackers in a power substation sounds a lot like gunfire. This week, we'll be traveling to Fairfax for a trail that's so shitty only three hares were willing to have anything to do with it. Bring dry everything.

1) My Receding Hareline
If you'd like to do a trail this summer, now is the time to sign up. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com.

2) Upcoming Hashes
4/16 - Tooth Fairy, Half-Pint, Rocket Socket and OTIS - West Falls Church
4/23 - Lumber Jackoff, Ivy Licker, Special Head Kid – TBA
4/30 – Motor Mouth, Gimme a Dick!, Just Tom – Annandale?
5/7 - Are You In?, Read My Lips, It's Butt Fucking Time!, Thong Butt Not Forgotten – South Arlington

3) Haberdasher News
http://www.cafepress.com/whitehousehash now has a few WH4 t-shirts available for order. More designs are in the works.

4) Upcoming Events
The MVH3 AGM is April 28-30 in Frederick, MD. See http://dchashing.com/mvh3/agm06/agm_registration.pdf for more information.

5) WH4 Hash 1062 – April 9th, 2006 3:00 PM – Fairfax City

Hares: Put It Out, Hokie No Pokie, S'Not

Cost:  $5

Start:
Parking lot in front of the K-Mart
4080 Jermantown Rd
Fairfax, VA 22030

D-erections:

(Metro)
Orange line to Vienna-Fairfax, exit to the North side of the station. GOLD-ONE bus leaves at 2:29 and gets you to Main St/Jermantown Rd at 3:02.  Walk one block south to the Kmart and look for wankers.  It's $0.50 fare, but only $0.25 if you get a transfer where you ENTER metro.  Next bus is GOLD-TWO at 3:03, but that's cutting it close, even by WH4 standards.

(Driving)
Get to route 66 and head west. Take exit 57A (Route 50 east) and at the 2nd light turn right on Jermantown Rd. K-mart is on your right before you get to 29. Look for deviants.

Click this link for a map of the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it.
http://tinyurl.com/h5efp

Miscellaneous: A to A'. A fine shiggy trail where everyone will get hot, wet, and sweaty. Dry shoes, throw-away socks, etc.  Did we mention everyone? This includes the walkers. Tough dog friendly, stroller hostile, moderate PI risk.  Save your flashlights for some dark and scary trail.

On-On-On
Thursday's Bar and Grill (and Barbershop)
11184 Lee Hwy
Fairfax, VA 22030
(703) 273-3322

Located across the street from the start. The barbershop closes at 5:00 PM, so you'll have to get that trim before the hash.  This is the only place around where you can get a beer and a haircut at the same time.

Specials:
Half priced appetizers
Discounted beer

On On,