The lesson of this week's announcement is to not sign up for the announcement with your work email address. Especially if your company uses an email filtering system that is more anal than one of the videos I saw at the Crucible. Whoever you are, this email, alternatively titled "Hokie has shit! bitch! fuck! Tourette's Syndrome" is dedicated to you.

Some of my weekly ramblings have been returned to me, with the following note:

"Watson Wyatt and Company filters inbound and outbound mail for unacceptable language.  Your message has triggered our language filter and has been quarantined for: Script Offensive Language (Basic) Triggered in Body
Expression: fuck* Triggered 1 times weighting 60
Script Offensive Language (Extensive) Triggered in Body
Expression: analsex OR anal sex Triggered 2 times weighting 100

Please resend your message without the words listed.  Thank you."

I'd really like to see this email filtering system choke worse than Rush Limbaugh on a Christmas ham, so from now on, this announcement will contain more offensive language than Bloody Asshole uses in circle when he is the fucking RA. Fuck.

After Sunday's hash, it fucking took me a whole day to realize I fucking stepped in that cock sucker Pond Scrum's dog's shit. It stunk like a rank fucking pussy. Shit.

This week, we're going to Congress Heights. I fucked up last week when I said that the on-on-on for this week is a strip club. It used to be a fucking strip club. Apparently it was a real piece of shit, because three shootings later, they fucking got rid of the whores and renamed the shit hole. ANAL SEX.

1) My Ass Fucking Receding Hareline
We're fucking full on hares until July so go fuck yourselves. I can still set lazy fucking walking hares and virgin hares up with some cock sucking runners that already have dates. Other than that, start thinking about signing up for summer and fall trails because they are beginning to fill up like your mom's cunt. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com.

2) Upcoming Dick Hashes
4/9 – Put It Out, Hokie No Pokie – Fairfax City
4/16 - Tooth Fairy, Half-Pint, Rocket Socket and OTIS - West Falls Church
4/23 - Lumber Jackoff, Ivy Licker, Special Head Kid – TBA
4/30 - MotorMouth, Gimme a Dick!, Just Tom – Annandale?

3) WH4 Hash 1061 – April 2nd, 2006 3:00 PM – Congress Heights Metro

Hares: Can't Fuck Dust, JackOff Lantern, Yellow Submarine, I Dream of Weenie
 
Where the fuck is Wang?  He set up this trail, recruited hares, arranged the OnOnOn, and now is missing in action. Perhaps Marion Barry made a deal with the House of Wang. Come on out to Congress Heights and search through the former mayor's playground for any sign of Wang –  but Chunks don't count!

Cost:  $5

Start: Congress Heights Metro
Alabama Ave at 13th St SE, Washington, DC

D-erections:

(Metro)
Green line over the Anacostia River, but hey – it's still in DC!

(Driving)
From pretty much anywhere in DC or NOVA:  I-395 across DC on the South-East Freeway to the South Capitol Street exit.  Follow South Capitol over the Anacostia River, through the first light onto Suitland Parkway (you may notice the Anacostia Metro, but keep going), then turn Right onto Stanton Road, then Right onto Alabama Ave.  Go about 1/10th mile and turn Right into the Metro station.

From MD:  I-295 to exit for Suitland Parkway, follow directions above.

Click this link for a map of the start. If that doesn't work, try copying and pasting it.
http://tinyurl.com/f87dp

Miscellaneous: A to A'.  Walker's trail - not stroller friendly, dog friendly. Runner's trail - tough dog friendly.  Flashlight – not unless you'd like to perform. PI - likely. Bring dry clothes for end.

On-On-On
 
Georgena's
2737 Martin Luther King Jr Ave SE
Washington, DC  20032
202-373-1782
 
Specials:
The whole fucking place is special!!!  Plus… we've got:
 
MEATS
Filet Whitings
Jerk Chicken
Fried Wingettes
    
VEGGIES
String Beans    Yams
Potato Salad    Fries
Tossed Salad    Rice
 
1 MEAT and 2 VEGGIES: $6 or 3 VEGGIES: $4
HOKIE'S MEAT: FREE

BEER
Miller and Bud products: $2

ASS FUCKING!

On On,

Running by those ice cream trucks and hearing the ice cream truck music yesterday reminded me of a piece of Hokie lore. When I was in high school, we all had to go to the Career Center and fill out a questionnaire on the computer that would suggest your ideal career. After answering every question honestly, my suggested career choice was "ice cream man." When I think about it, I really do enjoy soothing music and seeing little kids with excited looks on their faces. I think that this would make me a great ice cream truck man or Catholic priest.

Speaking of Catholic priests, this week's theme is St. Patrick's Day. Frankly, I've never understood the fascination that Americans have with Irish culture. Maybe it's because I'm only marginally Irish - I'm mostly Hungarian, part German, and part mailman. Last year's St. Patrick's Day hash was a blast. Unfortunately, I left the on-on-on before all of the tits started coming out. Hopefully I won't miss out this year.

1) My Receding Hareline
Upset that the walkers got to the beer check 20 minutes early? Want to minimize the amount of time that the walkers have to drink free beer? Did For Sale or Rent give you a bad blow job? Put half the energy you spend bitching into haring a walker's trail of your own. I can even sign you up with some runners who already have a date. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com.

2) Upcoming Hashes
3/26 – Read My Lips, Her She Kisses, Are You In?, Backdoor Buckaroo – Mclean
4/2 - Wang Chunks, Can't Fuck Dust, Jack Off Lantern – Congress Heights Metro?
4/9 – Put It Out, Hokie No Pokie – Fairfax City
4/16 - Tooth Fairy, Half-Pint, Rocket Socket and OTIS - East Falls Church?

3) Upcoming Events
The DC Full Moon Hash is having a St. Patrick's Day hash on Saturday, March 18th. It's at the Old Brogue in Great Falls. Check out the not yet fully updated link here: http://www.dchashing.com/community/fmh3/fmhnexthash.html .

4) WH4 Hash 1059 - March 19, 2006 3:00 PM – Clarendon Metro

St Patrick's Day Hash

Hares: Bad Ditch, Duck Duck Bush, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Wax On Whacks Off

Cost:  $5

Start: Clarendon Metro

D-erections:

(Metro)
Take the orange line to Clarendon. Exit and walk West along either Clarendon Blvd or Wilson Blvd to start by Arlington War Memorial across from Clarendon.

(Driving)
If you are coming from DC take Wilson Blvd or Washington Blvd to Clarendon and park. If you use I-66, take Exit 71 and turn left off the exit onto Glebe, go one block and turn left onto Washington Blvd. Go up about a mile and a half until you get to Clarendon. If you are coming from points west, get off at Exit 71, turn left onto Glebe, go about 2 blocks and take a right onto Washington Blvd. Go up about a mile and a half until you get to Clarendon.

Click this link to a map of the start or else cut and paste the link:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&sll=38.870833,-77.101389&sspn=0.098098,0.21698&q=clarendon+station&cid=38870833,-77101389,11711942297793363554&li=lmd&t=m

Miscellaneous: A to A', dog friendly, walker's trail stroller friendly. Dry shoes and a flashlight are always wise. Warm dry clothes are a good idea too.

On-On-On:
Molly Malones
3207 Washington Blvd.
Arlington, VA 22201
703-812-0939
www.celtictaverns.com

Specials:
$3.50 pints and 1/2 price appetizers

On On,

When I visit Anchorage, I usually learn something. First, it was that telling a stripper you're gay is not a good way to avoid paying for a lap dance. This time, it was one of the unmentioned perks of being a Hilton Honors member: when one of my coworkers was packing and double-checking the hotel room for anything he might have left behind, he noticed some sort of object under the bed. After reaching in and grabbing it for closer examination, he realized that it was a large purple vibrator. Apparently, as a Hilton Honors member, you get a chocolate mint on your pillow and a slightly-used sex toy under your bed. Sign up today.

If you skipped last week's trail, you missed water, a wide tunnel with a shot check in it, a long tunnel, a stinky tunnel, a slippery tunnel, a few log crossings over Rock Creek, mud, fences, an impromptu beer check served by a friendly local from his garage, and a great circle. This week, we'll be on the other end of the red line with a trail that surprisingly does not have a theme related to the Church of Fagnosticism.

1) My Receding Hareline
If you've never hared before and want to try it out, send me an email and I will try to set you up with some more experienced hares who can help you out. Check the Hareline at http://www.whitehousehash.com/hareline, find an open date, a co-hare, and a location and send me an email at wh4hareraiser+idontlikespam@gmail.com .

2) Upcoming Hashes
3/19 – Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Duck Duck Bush, Bad Ditch – American Legion?
3/26 – Read My Lips, Her She Kisses, Are You In?, Backdoor Buckaroo – Mclean
4/2 - Wang Chunks, Can't Fuck Dust, Jack Off Lantern – Congress Heights Metro?
4/9 – Put It Out, Hokie No Pokie – Fairfax City

3) WH4 Hash 1058 - March 12, 2006 3:00 PM – Silver Spring Metro

Hares: Can't Find Pussy In a Haystack, Fagnostic, Richie-Cum-In-Hand (bag vehicle boy)

Cost: $5

Start: Silver Spring Metro Parking Lot

D-erections:

(Metro) Take the red line to Silver Spring

(Driving) Get to the Beltway and travel in the direction of Silver Spring
Take MD-97 S/ Georgia Ave exit 31B towards Silver Spring
Slight Right on to Georgia Avenue
Turn right on Colesville Road.
Metro Station is on Colesville Road between E-W Highway and 2nd Avenue

Click this link to a map of the start or else cut and paste the link:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=silver+spring+metro+station&cid=38990556,-77026389,12048535118805512213&li=lmd&t=m&ll=38.993839,-77.030983&spn=0.04743,0.079823

Miscellaneous: A to A', no flashlights, bring dry clothes. Dog friendly (no wimpy dogs), stroller friendly for the walkers.

On-On-On:
Galaxy Billiards Cafe
8661 Colesville Rd., #A-104, Silver Spring, MD 20910
301-495-0081

Specials:
The Hares promise that "there will be specials."

On On,