White House H3 Trail Customs
What you need to set a WH4 Trail, so pay attention ya wank! Read it ALL you lazy wanker...
Pike's Peak HHH's hareguide--now that's detail.
So You Think You Wanna Hare??
· Get a Date: Look at the Hareline page to see what's available. Then, e-mail the HareRazer your preference & the general area of your trail (to let those haring before/after you know of any potential conflicts/overlap).
· Pick a General Location: Trails should generally be inside the beltway & within metro range most the time--and definitely on Monday nights in the summer. Once in a while, a Sunday trail can be snuck in that is outside the beltway or not accessible by metro/bus. It's pretty much restricted to A-A' due to pack size. A car shuttle for 60-80 wankers is pretty damn hard! Some hashers feel compelled to set trail near their homes, office, ex's neighborhood, etc. Feel no obligation to do any of the above. In fact, haring near your domicile could ruin any efforts at good neighborly relations!
· Find Some Co-hares: You can't do it alone & even if you could, what fun would that be? For your virgin trail, find someone who has hared before or you truly risk screwing it up royally & getting the Hash Shit. If you have no idea who might help you, email the HareRazer. One hare should be the "Alpha-Hare." This is usually an experienced hare that coordinates with the Hare Razor & all the co-hares. Keep in mind only 4 hares get the hash paid for...any extra hares have to pay the $5.
Things To Know Before You Get Started...
· Your Start, End, & oNoNoN should be within WALKING distance. If not, bar should be within a mile of the end. If it's further, adjust your trail to finish closer (minimizes DWI risk).
· Pick a Start Location: Pick a spot that's pretty easy to find with ample parking or near a metro station, such as parks, commuter lots, schools, shopping centers.
· Find a Place to End: A DISCREET location is needed... alcohol can't be served on park grounds or at schools. Keep away from neighbors who may call the police at the first song. Out-of-the-way office building parking lots are good spots! When selecting locations, consider if that spot would draw attention to a large, rowdy crowd of drunken morons.
· Beer Checks: You get 1 beer check hosted by the brew crew. If you are sweet, charming and persuasive, you may get cooperation for a 2nd well planned check, but no guarantees. Beer Checks should be in a discreet location where the crew can set up without disturbance.
· Optional Shot Checks: The hares may provide the pack with a shot check (at your own expense) in addition to the beer check. Maybe you want the pack to enjoy the sewer gas emanating from that broken pipe, you want everyone extra drunk, or need more time if you're live-haring.
· Find a Bar: Find one close to trail end willing to put up with 40-60 of your best friends all arriving at one time. When arranging the après, you're expected to try & negotiate the best prices (food, alcoholic & soft drinks) for your hashing amigos. Most bars may offer happy hour prices. Giving the bar a call 15mins before the circle end to warn 'em is a good idea.
· Bag Vehicle: Even on A to A runs, you need to provide a bag vehicle that will be attended during the trail. If you leave your car full of bags locked in a parking lot someone could smash your window & take our bags (just ask $50B*tch). Tell the HareRazer if you or any of your co-hares don't own a car.
· 10 days prior (Wednesday of the week before your trail) provide the Harerazer with:
o Start & oNoNoN locations (street address)
o Basic Directions from VA, MD and metro or bus route information.
o Misc. Info: A-A, A-A', A-B? Stroller or dog friendly? Dry shoes or SCUBA necessary? PI potential? GPS or flashlight?
If you don't provide this information by the deadline & reasonable efforts to contact you are unsuccessful, you may lose the date & someone else will set that week's trail.
Planning the Trail
· Plan your walkers trail FIRST. Get the walkers to a suitable beer check location in ¾-1½ miles. They should be able to walk to the beer check in 30-45mins. Any longer and too long...change your start point or find a different beer check. Same rule for the 2nd half of trail. Then and only then can you plan your runners trail.
· Runners trails....are typically 3-6 mi (in extreme weather, keep trail short.) You also have the option of a Turkey/Eagle split - meaning at some point you can split the runners trail into Turkey (shorter/easier) & Eagle (longer & harder, just like my c*ck!) trails. Plan the Eagle trail so that all hashers arrive at Beer Check or End together. (One special note about length - 6½ inches is generally long enough. I'm just sayin...)
· Mapping the Trail: Google Maps in "Street View" gives a great look at the area. Google Maps in "Hybrid mode" shows streets & satellite photos. This is good to look for shiggy, streams, brush areas, etc. Anywhere a stream goes under a major road, there's probably a tunnel. Bing has a good slant-angle Birds Eye view to help you find tunnels & things you can't see from the street. Use http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/ to determine trail length.
· Scouting the Trail: Scout thoroughly before setting trail, preferably with all the hares. Run/walk the entire trail at least once so you know you haven't set a death march. A hash shouldn't be a long, fast, wide-open asphalt road race. If you can't figure out how to get us off the street and into a park or trail or mud bog or storm sewer or landfill, you need to pick a different spot! Variety is appreciated!
· Top secret adage of hashing: if you walk your trail, including checks, BTs, etc., it will take the pack about half the time you took to walk it.
Other Important Crap
· Walkers: WH4 is graced with the presence of a substantial walking crowd, so for God's sake don't piss 'em off!! You should plan a walker's trail that will have the walkers and runners arriving at the beer check and end at approximately the same time. DO make sure they get to the beer & shots. DON'T detour them around all the shiggy.
· No White Flour: Since Muggles insist on identifying any white powder as anthrax, color your flour! There is no such thing as orange anthrax. Get powder tempera paint from craft stores.
· No Trail On...Private Property without landowner's permission.
· No Flour Around...sensitive federal buildings where they don't have a sense of humor, like the White House, Capitol, FBI building, etc. Use chalk instead.
· Selecting Beer Checks, Starts & Ends: It's illegal to serve/consume alcohol on school & park grounds in this area. Stay away from private property or residential areas, places with security cameras, near a police station, the White House lawn... Extra special attention to avoiding police interference is needed in
· Provide maps for the brew crew, bag vehicle, HareRazer, & have a couple extra.
· Be aware of football Sundays, March Madness, etc. when selecting a OnOnOn.
· SAFETY: While we may joke that safety is 3rd, the hares have a responsibility to ensure safety on trail.
o The most dangerous hashing area is major/dangerous roadways. Don't take the pack across dangerous streets without obvious marks. If you have to cross a big road, find a tunnel or do it at a light/crosswalk and mark it clearly--avoid blind curves, hills, etc.
o Clear the barbed wire, jagged metal, debris, large rocks, or dead whores from the creeks and tunnels before sending us through!
o Don't have the pack running around hi-speed railroad tracks solving some stupid check.
· Show up on time!: Nothing could be more embarrassing for a hare than not to get started on time. If pre-laying, you should be done and back to circle by the planned start time.
· Take care of the Walkers: Don't plan your walkers trail as an afterthought. Do lay a real walkers trail. Alternatively, provide a fast walker with a good trail map and chalk, for him/her to mark the trail in front of slower walkers. Even better - lay the walkers trail, and provide a walkers map in a sealed envelope just in case they get truly lost!
· Know that there will be complaints: There's no such thing as a perfect trail. The pack will shortcut and miss the turkey/eagle split (or the runner/walker split) or they'll shortcut and never find trail, and complain that the trail wasn't well marked. Things you don't think will work, will work amazingly well, and traps that you think will fool the whole pack get solved by some FRB who shortcut the best part of trail. Just accept complaints gracefully and drink your down-down. Next week, it'll be your turn to complain.
· Above all else... Have a great time!!